to ask you all if I should have another baby?

[fullofregrets]

Hello forum of internet strangers who I am asking to help me make a decision re having a second child!
Up until now I have always been pretty set that I would only have one child (DS is 3). But just over the last couple of weeks I've started to imagine having a second baby. My head knows it is a bad plan but my heart keeps longing for another baby.

This is why I shouldn't have another baby:

1. I had hyperemesis really badly for six months of gist pregnancy.
2. am type 1 diabetic so already high risk
3. had to have a c section last time and DS was prem.
4. had pnd and really struggled the first year of DS's life.
5. DS still doesn't sleep through.
6. DH is practically no help. He is zero emotional support. He has never given me a night off or lie in since having DS. He was no help when I was sick when pregnant or following c section either.
7. my parents hate my DH and will go mad if I have another baby. Absolutely mental.
8. my inlaws are insane.
9. worried about how DS would react and if I'd love another one ss much.
10. I had an infection after the c section. Apparently it left no lasting damage but who knows. Am worried may raise risk of ectopic.

This is why I should:

1. might be nice for DS to have a sibling. Although he might hate said sibling.
2. DH wants another one.
3. If I don't decide soon it might be too late, I'm 30 and DH is older.
4. if I don't have another baby I may regret it later on.
5. I still feel like my family is incomplete.

Obviously it is insane to have another baby. Right? I know this and yet I still keep thinking about another little baby, who would grow into a lovely little boy or girl like my DS.

Sure, have another baby. But not with your current partner.

DH wants another baby? Is that on the basis that you do all the work and then just present it to him for 10 minutes at 7pm?

Haven't got time to find new partner. Am 30. DS loves his dad and would be distraught if we split.
But basically I am aware that if we have another baby I'm pretty much on my own in a lot of ways.

well-i wouldn't

You're 30 not 40, you've got time for lots of things.

You have plenty of time to find another partner!
DS would be distraught if you split. What about you?

ds could love his dad regardless of your relationship

i would be using the time to try and get your partner to shape up

tell him that you wuill consider having another one if he can show you that he can be a proper supoortive dad

the best thing a father can do for a child is to love their mother

If your dh wants another child tell him to start helping with the one you have!
Might be better to wait until your Ds is in school if you anticipate that you may have problems with your pg, it is difficult to look after a child all day when you are unwell. But really you need to sort out support from your dh. My dh worked long hours and couldn't support me much with ds1, but I always got a lie in at the weekend because I did nights, and without this I couldn't have managed dd and ds2. He also started doing nights and bedtimes when we had more than one, because I really needed the support. You will too, so make sure he agrees to this before you ttc.

Unless things change with your DP, I wouldn't be considering it TBH. He hasn't let you have a lie in for 3 YEARS???!! What are his reasons for this?

You have loads of time, I has my first at 36!

If I were you I wouldn't with him

for points 1-4 and 10 on your list of cons, I would speak to a doctor and see what he reckons

point 9 is a common worry that usually proves groundless

point 5 would be a temporary problem

but point 6 is a serious objection and I'm wondering if point 7 is somehow tied in with it- do they hate him because he is not supporting you?

point 6 would give me pause

Well, he works long hours and is away a lot.
He plays golf every Saturday so gets up about 8.30 for this anyway. Sunday he is rarely out of bed before noon.

At the risk of sounding harsh, don't be ridiculous. I and most of my friends didn't even begin having babies until 32 and beyond. My mum had her 3rd and 4th aged 37 and 39, as did my aunt. A happy family life is much more important for you, your DS and any further DCs.

As a rule of thumb, if you are so undecided that you are writing a list of pros and cons, don't.

Good point pag

It makes me sad because I think if he was more supportive I'd have another baby. I know I'm only 30 but being high risk anyway I kind of don't want to leave it much past early 30s.

Get rid of your useless fucker of a husband and have another baby with someone that respects you.

Hth.

If in doubt-don´t!

And being nosy here-why do your parents hate your husband & why would they go mad?

And why is your parents reaction even a consideration?

What pinky said. You are nowhere near too old to find either a new husband or have another baby. Most of my school and uni friends were well over thirty when they married for the first time.

30 is young, I didn't have my first till then and had second at 34 and would have dc3 at 36 if could get dh to agree I agree with previous post tho about waiting till your ds is at school, my dc 1 was about 3 1/2 when dc2 was born and its hard work. Bear in mind my dh is v supportive and really hands on, including getting up in night and us sharing lie ins. I have to say I struggle.to see why u are with a man who sounds like such an arse! .

I struggle to understand why you would want to stay with a partner who lies in bed until 12 noon every Sunday yet hasn't let you have a lie-in in 3 years, let alone be contemplating having another baby with him.

I am actually gobsmacked that you would consider having a second child with a man like that. Where has your self worth gone?

If DH wants another child he needs to make changes now ( he needs to make them anyway!)

He plays golf every other week or once a month and you get same amounts on Saturdays to do your choice of activity

He alternates lie in on Sundays with you. While you are sleeping in he is not allowed to disturb you unless the house is burning down or if he or DS need to go to A&E

Other issues to, but start somewhere!

I also think it is cruel and irresponsible to bring another child into that relationship. You probably didn't realise how useless your DH would be before your DS was born, but now you know exactly what he's like and yet you're willing to go ahead and inflict that on another child. It's absolute madness.

You are only 30 FGS...you have loads of time to have more DC's or indeed find a new partner if thats the route you go down. My cousin had her first baby at 41 and 2nd at 44!!

At this stage there IMHO is no point worrying about the pregnancy or labor until you are pregnant. You need to address the current outstanding issues, DH and his lack of help with DS and around the house and quite frankly his general laziness! In bed till noon, good lord.

If DH wants another baby too, then he will need to pull his weight. In all seriousness you need to sit down with him and have a chat about it all.

You need to grip this now, otherwise it won't change!

Why would you consider having a baby with someone who doesn't act as a husband or father ? Are you the poster who gets "pocket money" and no access to the family income ? If so, I think you have lots to sort out before even considering another baby.