AIBU to wonder why posters dump and run?

[LottoQueen]

Hi

I have been lurking for a while and have actually been getting quite upset for posters when they are distressed over their situations.

Can someone please explain to me why it is reasonable to post a dilemma, ask for advice and then not respond to any posts?

We have all taken the time to think about situations and give cogent responses but sometimes there is only a brick wall.

I know that sometimes it's really difficult, but if you have managed to post asking for help, you could at least post an answer to the people that have bothered to take the time to respond.

Sorry for sounding snotty as a first poster; I am not really good at the talk thing and I probably don't get the whole website/posting business so end up very confused about the etiquette.

I don't even Facebook.

Ah I see. Well me too and its a grotesque word so I agree. Yep got that list thanks. Cutted up is one of the most gorgeous things I've heard!

Morning Lotto! Look what you've created!

I was thinking about starting a thread on this myself, there has been so much of it lately.

You can always tell when someone says they've NCed, or just makes a first post about something really odd, or contentious and then a pages long debate ensues, some of which can get quite heated if it's a difficult/sensitive subject and the OP may pop their head back in once or twice to add a two line post, completely ignoring half the questions and requests for more clarity etc.....drives me nuts.

And then they wonder why they get accused of trolling. Quite often though, those threads do end up going 'poof!' so our gut instincts are often spot on. there are a couple doing the rounds at the moment that I'm watching closely.

Or sometimes the OP came on wanting unanimous sypathy and the throws her toys out of the pram when she doesn't get it, and refuses to engage.

short of time?
hurt by the mean responses, accusations of trolling, comments such as 'it must be vile to live in your head'?
the surprising thing is that anyone comes back at all!

Well yes - on the flip side of the coin there are those who come onto Relationships (in particular) to have a bit of a moan, they are feeling a bit down and cross with their DP, they mention that he shouted and lost his temper a bit with them or the children, and the next thing they know they are married to Fred Fucking West. It hardly inspires them with confidence.

I once started a thread in Relationships asking for advice on a topic that was very personally distressing (under another name). It was very difficult to even do this and when I came back and saw replies I felt very overwhelmed and was too distressed to continue posting. In hindsight I wasn't really ready to start talking about it.

This is why I think it's important not to dismiss people as trolls if they don't come back - particularly if you post regularly in Relationships, you have to accept that there are a lot of people posting there who are in emotionally difficult places, and they're not always going to respond in the way you hope they will.

I agree everlong. I think they owe it to people to come back, even if it is just to say (as FP said) that they need to leave the thread as they have opened a can of worms they are not dealing with very well. Otherwise it is natural that people will start to get suspicious.

Loofah - yes, that's the bunny! But you can see where 'sponge' came from (I hope).

It is always nice though when an OP comes back, even if it's weeks later, with an update to 'close' the thread.

Mind you, the ones that get me is when the OP has come back, but a whole load of people don't read the update (rather than it just being a x-post) and continue on for several days with outdated comment / questions.

Where's our OP? Heh? How does one get from spider to loofah?

I have no earthly idea (to either of those questions ).

posters do what they do

Nymets- now that's inspired. Moonlight - so is that!

and then there's the arrogance of people who think that their comments are more important than the original post. of course people will address the original rather than ploughing through the comments...its the original that brought them to the thread...

What do you mean lovebunny?

Nah Lottoqueen will read all these comments if she CBA cos we bothered to take the time to respond which was what her original post was about. The fact that she hasn't returned yet is cos she is proving our theories first

We weren't derailing, we were demystifying for newbies unless it is a scrapola you're after Lovebunny but I could only do one of those duracell bunny fake boxing ones cos your nn is cute and fluffy. Ooh hang on, are you referring to a Jessica Rabbit. That's not so fluffy.

Kitty good evening to you. Sorry went awol yest - like you I am doing the midnight hour bf shifts with Minigruffalo. I remain her Favourite Food

P.S. i used aw shucks, CBA and scrapola - all in the last 5 minutes...

Good morning, markgruffalo. I have to use your full name because it's so aces. You've made me very happy (wish mark ruffalo would make me very happy) by using scrapola (fontanelle, 2012). I use Aw shucks all the time, verbally. My husband makes me say Aw shucks a lot. It should rightly be accompanied by a blush if course. The fontanelle mouse slept for 8 hours last night...Hurrah! But for 3 the night before......hurroo! How old is minigruff? (Now THAT'S derailing).

In general terms as described in our Op's OP ( does OP refer to the original poster of post or both? Is it the person, question or both?) Surely if the OP doesn't come back then people are likely to go off on a tangent because the focus of the thread has been removed. I don't see this as detailing in those circumstances. In this thread, as mark said, we are compiling a mn glossary.

Thought so. Thanks everlong.

The problem with people who come to a long thread and only respond to the original post is that things might well have moved on by then.
I can remember quite a few where circumstances have changed completely a few pages in (the OP's left her H, agreed SIBU, resolved the problem at school, whatever) and the first post has become irrelevant, so the people responding to it just look daft.
If it's a long thread, a good compromise can be skimming through and just reading the OP's posts, then at least you know what's going on.

I highlight the OP so I can do just that. Just so you know, youse is all silver.