Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be annoyed at getting an invitation to a birthday party three days before it happens.

52 replies

Pinkiemum · 14/06/2012 18:58

So my next door neighbour rings the door bell at 7.30 my dd's bed time with an invitation for a party on Sunday. Normally I am pretty flexible, but I would actually like to take my husband out for fathers day and will not be able to if I let my dd go to the party.

It also feels like she has been invited at the last minute because someone else could not come. Last year they gave me a mornings notice that she dd was invited to her party, luckily I can walk to a toy shop and got a great present on sale

I know my husband will say let her go to the party, but for the last 2 years due to circumstance we have not been able to do much on fathers day and mothers day this year he had to go to Germany so did not much to celebrate.

Mothers day and fathers day were always celebrated by my family in a big way so I would like to celebrate with my husband, he is a great dad and I want ot show him that.

My family are thousands of miles away and so are my husbands so we don't see them obviously.

AIBU

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 14/06/2012 20:06

So don't let your DD go to the party.

I doubt she'd care. It's just a children't party. You get invited to some, you don't get invited to others. Some you don't get the invitation until the day before. This is way you have a box/draw full of random presents which you previously bought on sale. Don't you?

I have invited people I hadn't thought to invite after my DC has said "I'm having my party on Sunday". I was and said "oh, I do hope you can come."

What ever, go or don't go, but don't bother getting annoyed about it. Go out for fathers day if it's that important to you.

McFarts · 14/06/2012 20:06

Are you sure its for 4 hours? i have 3DC non of them have ever gone to a party that is that long, especially at a soft play area.

StepOutOfSpring · 14/06/2012 20:07

"And what is wrong with having impromtu parties."

Parties are always nice of course. But there's usually no need to be last-minute about things (birthdays don't move). it's considerate to give people more notice so 1) they're not put in an awkward position of having to suddenly try to fit it in, or 2) they'd really have liked to have come but have already arranged something else.

PullUpAPew · 14/06/2012 20:09

I think YABU, it's not a big deal. Just decline. Or accept.

iknowwho · 14/06/2012 20:09

She has 3 day notice not 3 minutes.
Also it is not compulsory to attend!
And I'm guessing she was a last minute thought.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 14/06/2012 20:10

Oh I had one of these a month or so ago. I know the MOther is very disorganised and so decided not to take offence. When you remove paranoia, it is what it is...an invitation to a party...late or not. I asked DD...she wanted to go so we did and she had a very nice time.

Ephiny · 14/06/2012 20:13

It is a bit late to send invitations, but surely you can just decline if you already have other plans for the day. YABU to get angry at the other mum because you can't say 'no' to your own child.

Groovee · 14/06/2012 20:15

I think you are over thinking this. You either let her go or you decline.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 14/06/2012 20:17

Seems you can't win. I sent out invitations to DD1's first ever party last month, 2 months before the event and there are people that I see every day at the preschool who haven't replied. How hard is it to come over and say yes or no? Or text?

StepOutOfSpring · 14/06/2012 20:19

"She has 3 day notice not 3 minutes."

Is it just me who knows what I'm likely to be doing at the weekend more than 3 days beforehand?

SalAbility · 14/06/2012 20:20

YABU.

Yes, quite possibly your dd was a 2nd round invite, but does it really matter? Would you rather she not be invited at all and hear from it later, if that is what you imagine would happen?

Firstly, I would double check time - of all the soft play parties we've been invited to, none have been longer than 2 hours. Then, if you really want her to go but not cancel your plans, is there any friend you could ask for a huge, returnable favour? If they are going with one child anyway, they might not mind having another tag along, as long as the children are friends and they are very familiar with the parent? Mind you, if really 4 hours, I think you do need to be there, it's too busy and they get stuck at the top of slides / upset relatively quickly sometimes.

In your shoes, I'd probably decline, explaining that you've already made plans. Otherwise, move your meal to a brunch one instead?

Original poster

Pinkiemum · 14/06/2012 20:22

Mcfarts the invite says 1-5pm so sure it's 4 hours.

I totally understand why she may not have been invited originally she is 18 months younger than my neighbour.

Most of you think I am being unreasonable to be annoyed, I know times have changed since I was a child and I grew up in Australia not England, but it was etiquette when I was growing up to give invitations at least two weeks advance for a party and to RSVP. My daughter only started school on January and has not been to many parties so no I do not have a draw full of presents.

Secondly you would never have a party on mothers day or fathers day, it was expected you would spend that with your family, mothers day was always spent with my Nana, mum and aunts and Uncles, fathers day with my dad as his family was in England and my mothers father died before I was born.

My parents split when I was very young and I know my father would not have been happy to be told his children would not be seeing him because they were going to a party.

I am sure my daughter will have a great time if she goes, I will leave it up to her to make her mind up tomorrow.

OP posts:

FoxSake · 14/06/2012 20:26

YABU to let a 4yo decide how you spend your day, my 5 year old would have forgotten all about this by Saturday. Kids are pretty resilient you know they get over things really quick.

FoxSake · 14/06/2012 20:27

Also 4 hours for a kids party in a play place is insane, I'd check that detail nobody in their remind would do that surely.

SalAbility · 14/06/2012 20:27

If your issue is the Father's Day thing, then surely the fact that the invitation arrived three days before the event is irrelevant? Not trying to be nasty, but I think you might be cross for the wrong reason.

Nanny0gg · 14/06/2012 20:36

I don't think more or less notice is relevant.
You can give 2 months notice, people will accept, and then drop out when a better offer comes along.

3 days - you're asked. You can either go or you can't.

No problem.

iknowwho · 14/06/2012 20:53

For some people Mothers Day/ Fathers Day isn't a huge issue.
In our house mum/dad gets a bit of a fuss in the morning - card and pressie and that's it. We get on with the rest of the day. We may go out for a meal but we usually do on Sundays anyway.

I'd forgotten about that it was Fathers day until I read the thread.

Original poster

Pinkiemum · 14/06/2012 20:58

I suppose I was annoyed because the little girl did mention to both me and dd that she was going to have a party this weekend two weeks ago, but as we had not had an invite until I thought dd was not invited which I was fine with.

I spent time this afternoon looking for somewhere nice to go on Sunday and then we get an invite, I do not like the idea of stopping my daughter attending a party of one of her closest friends. So was a bit annoyed thinking I would have to cancel what I was planning to do for my husband or have a screaming daughter if she remembers on Sunday that she was invited to a party and I do not let her go.

I can't go next door to ask at the moment if I need to stay at the party as I can't leave my children alone and can't ask my husbands opinion as he is away and out with colleagues tonight and in meetings all day tomorrow and can't talk to mim till he gets home, so I thought I would get my thoughts out on here.

OP posts:

iknowwho · 14/06/2012 21:00

"She has 3 day notice not 3 minutes."

Is it just me who knows what I'm likely to be doing at the weekend more than 3 days beforehand?

Ok you are quoting from my post - No you are not the only one who knows what they are doing at the weekend.
i know what I am doing on weekends up to the middle of January next year.
I work every other weekend, I know which weekends I am going to be at home, what gigs I am going to see, when I am away camping, when the boys are away, when I am holiday by myself, or with the kids or with my mates. I know which weekends I am cycling.

So I would be able to tell you at a glance of a calander if my kids could come to a party on any given day.
The answer would be a yes or no. No big debate. And if the party was tomorrow after school it wouldn't be a big deal. Newsgents sell cards and if the worst comes to the worst you can always stick a fiver/ tenner whatever in.

iknowwho · 14/06/2012 21:01

Can't you phone or text them?

BackforGood · 14/06/2012 21:03

YABU to be annoyed at your dd being invited. It's an invitation not a command.
Wouldn't have thought it meant she was a 'replacement' guest - not everybody is particularly organised, and often, it's the one you think you can pop round to anytime, that gets left to the last minute.
Now,
You can choose -

Let her go, and spend a lovely day together next Sunday instead when reastaurants etc won't be as crowded (if it happens that lots of people go out for Father's day ?? - that's news to me)
Let her go, and (if it's really 4 hours ??!!??) that gives you AGES to have a lovely leisurely meal with your dh, just as a couple. I'd call that a real result!
Say 'Sorry, we've already got plans'

Up to you really, but, honestly, don't ever get in a rage about the fact your dd has been invited somewhere.

thebody · 14/06/2012 21:11

Gosh you sound So nice op but lighten up.. Tou will never survive the teenage phase at this rate.

Firstly I think the neighbour has written down the time wrongly, in my 12 years as a parent none of my kids at 4 has been to a 4 hour party.

DeclIne invite, don't mention again to dd and she will forget, especially as the party isn't being held next door, enjoy fathers day, invite neighbours dd to tea on another day and give her a present.

Now pour a glass of wine and relax.

MerylStrop · 14/06/2012 21:11

YABU if you get huffy about possibly being B-list (which you very possibly are not, I always ask next doors kids at the last minute and vice versa, just because I always think that I will see them and then don't)
YABU to be grumpy about being invited to something nice
YANBU to decide to do something else.....have special father's day breakfast, or supper out instead, and drop and run at party and you and DH can celebrate fathers' day in your own special way

AdventuresWithVoles · 15/06/2012 07:44

Pinkie I had a whole thread on here a while back about DS being in an extremely similar situation, the only differences being I was very worried because DS might misbehave, & he never gets invited to parties so he was going to be particularly disappointed. Invite arrived 3 days before. And I had to ask party-host-family to take DS there. Whilst there he had some sort of barney with another child (came home with very ugly & enormous bruise). I'm still glad he went.

But if I were you I wouldn't just politely decline.

diddl · 15/06/2012 07:57

I´d let her go.

As long as she can give her Dad a card/present/cuddle/breakfast in bed Sunday morning.

Would your husband want more than that?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread