Sister in law

[manorborn]

to want my sister in law to text me asking if its ok to come around rather than just turn up

If it's just your SIL then YABU. If it applies to everyone then YANBU

Well I'd contact someone before going round (to save myself a wasted journey). But equally if she's just popping round and it's NOT convenient, can't you just say so?

Some people come from families where just stopping by is the norm, if they happen to be in the area, so she might not have thought.

How often does it happen? If it's all the time then it would be worth saying something (tactfully). If it was once every couple of months, I'd be inclined to leave it, but not change plans if she did turn up, but you were busy.

I agree with you though, that people should phone - you might have other visitors or be on your way out, or just not wanting company.

Assuming you've told her you want prior notice YANBU. If you've not said anything then she has no reason to think it's a problem and YABU.

YANBU - as long as the rule applies to everyone. If I'm lying on the sofa in my pants covered in crisps then that really is for my eyes only

Yanbu, I hate it when people just pop round. I want to get dressed and tidy up first!

Well its a tad complicated in that it happens when we are at the caravan site where we both own caravans, it doesn't happen at home. She tends to come around early evening for a drink and stays for about an hour and a half. I got very stressed out about it on our recent stay but my partner doesn't think its an issue and doesn't want to me say anything, he is worried she will be offended.

You can either say something or seethe - why does your partner think it's ok for you to be upset and stressed, but not ok for his sister to be politely asked to check before she comes over?
You could try dragging him to bed five minutes before she arrives, or cutting your toenails/picking your nose/diving onto the loo and shouting "oooh sorry X, I won't be long, that is going right through me, you wouldn't believe how much I've shat today, and it stinks ha ha ha" to put her off
Or say, as lightheartedly as you can through gritted teeth something like "have you fallen out with " or "would you like to swap vans, you seem to prefer ours to yours?" and see if she gets the message.
Be much easier to just have a quiet word and tell her you want some time alone (look meaningful at this point) with your partner and can she text so you can be sure she doesn't "catch you at it".

I think YABU.

Getting very stressed about it is a bit ridiculous.

Why not just say to her that you're busy/tired/going out/seeing other people?

I think caravan site rules are probably different than normal ones! How often are we talking about, every weekend?

But if you both holiday at the same time on the same campsite Id find it frankly quite odd that you didnt socialuse together in the evenings

If you are still sorting kids baths etc just carry on, she will soon see it's not a good time :)

Do you have mobile signal at both caravans? At the site we regularly go to there isn't.

Hmmmm. I think in this situation she probably feels you're on holiday together and if she was sitting in others on her own it might be a bit crap for her. Do you not like her or did you just want time to yourself?

What if she's asked your DP and he's said it's fine, pop round whenever you want if we're in, we're in, if we're not you'll have to go back??

Who is she coming to see, you or her brother?

I really like my SIL and enjoy socialising with her. It really is just the fact that she turns up without asking. We often arrange to go out to the pub or to eat at each others caravan which is great but I cannot handle being my early evening being interrupted with prior warning...I find it invades my privacy. I think from all your comments I am going to be honest and open with her. Fingers crossed she isn't offended as I'll have my partner AND her to deal with.

thats without prior warning...

We have mobile signal so could easily text

Can you not say to her, we are busy can you come back later. I think it's a combination of the proximity and the being on holiday.

I agree with you WipsGlitter its exactly that combination...we are all supposed to be enjoying ourselves on holiday so why not do it together but come early evening I start to twitch knowing that she may come around any time, I can't relax and I feel resentful towards her. If I don't tell her how I feel I will blow, say things in a rant and then it will be so much more difficult to put right.

I know it sounds petty and I think it probably is but it spoilt my holiday...daft really!

I think you'll risk hugely offending your SIL - I'd be offended if I was her! I'd assume it was fine to pop round as you're family and are on the same caravan site together - though I'd just expect you to carry on with your chores if there was stuff needed to do, I wouldn't expect any special attention.

Manor, why can't you relax though? You've already said you like her and enjoy her company?

If you didn't get on and couldn't stand her then I could understand but I honestly can't see why you can't relax in your own personal space becuase someone you like is there also?

Is there something else? Does she come with her partner who is a creep, with badly behaved children??

Yes it is petty, you're right. I'm sure you don't mean it, but you sound a bit rude. I feel sorry for your SIL. :( It's so sad you think she ruined your holiday.

I think you need to ask your OH to deal with this, it will be better coming from him. All he needs to say is could she just drop you a text before coming over.

I do think you need to relax a lot though.

I find when its just my partner and the kids in the caravan we can all be doing different things and its great...where as if SIL and hubby who is also lovely come around we have to entertain and engage. Just don't want to have that pressure. She is a strong woman and can be dominate but then so can I. I want to tell her to back off to be honest and to actually have firm arrangements rather than loosely turning up.