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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bother about Fathers Day for DH

33 replies

uselesslife · 13/06/2012 21:31

seeing as he didn't bother about Mother's Day and couldn't understand why I was a bit upset

Childish, I know

OP posts:
Springforward · 13/06/2012 21:32

YAB a little bit U, I think. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. And he'll think it's OK not to do Mother's Day next year, which will be upsetting....

Hassled · 13/06/2012 21:33

Not at all childish.
I remember on Mother's Day reading loads and loads of accounts here of fuckwit partners who couldn't even be arsed to get the kids to even scribble on a card - and if challenged, would say "well, you're not my mother". Well, he's not your father.

NoWuckingFurries · 13/06/2012 21:34

YANBU. That'll learn him!

Although it might set the precedent that neither mother's day nor father's day is celebrated. Hmmm. Tough call.

McHappyPants2012 · 13/06/2012 21:35

Dh will get cards like I did for mothers day

bogeyface · 13/06/2012 21:37

It depends why he didnt do it.

If he forgot and was remorseful then YABU. If he didnt give a toss then YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 13/06/2012 21:38

You're not each other's parents though are you?

Let the kids make/buy them.

If they're too young...wait until they're old enough.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 13/06/2012 21:39

Oh it's a load of bollocks.
There will be no cards or acknowledgement of it here, just as we ignore Mothers Day.
Hate them.
Almost as much as Christmas.

Jodidi · 13/06/2012 21:41

I got absolutely nothing for mothers day, from either dc. DD1 is 12 so is responsible for doing it herself, but dd2 is only 2 and she obviously needs help. I didn't even get a lie in :(

So dp will be getting nothing for fathers day (and he can bloody well get up with dd2 that day too)

minesapintofwine · 13/06/2012 21:45

I got a card for mothers day. my first mothers day. for which I had been waiting for a total of no less than 7 years, 3 m/c's and ivf. so that really sucked. but my dh knows how hurt I still feel and I will be getting him a card and something cos he is a greatjust a stingy dh and I dont really like tit for tat. so yanbu but I wouldnt stoke the fmaes myself Grin.

minesapintofwine · 13/06/2012 21:45

fmaes? wtf. flames

Original poster
uselesslife · 13/06/2012 21:52

No I'm not his mother, I am the mother of his child. And as he never shows any appreciation during the year, it's his one opportunity to make a tiny bit I effort to say thank you for everything that I do for his son. He does nothing
But no. Nothing. Not even a card
DS is 4, he needs a bit of encouragement.

One of those threads was mine Hassled

OP posts:
theresafire · 13/06/2012 21:54

Yanbu
DH will get something from the kids and the same excuse he's used on me for three years inc birthdays. 'I had no money, will get something next week'.

I was the bigger person and continued to buy for him every occassion and from 3 Dcs also.
But he monumentally fucked up recently and he'll be lucky to get dinner from me at all for the rest of this year.

No, we are not their mother's but the mother of their children who do the lions share usually of raising them and it would be nice to be recognised by an adult on that day for the effortt we put in.

Original poster
uselesslife · 13/06/2012 21:55

I was looking at Fathers Day stuff and just crying because he just doesn't deserve it.
Not because he didnt get me a card
Just because he doesn't appreciate his family

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/06/2012 21:58

How is it his 'one opportunity to say thank you for everything you do for his son'? Confused

He has that opportunity every day...as do you.

Mother's Day and Father's Day are for your children to thank you for everything you do for them.

Hopefully your 4yr old will learn this soon...either at school or at home.

But really it's just a day in the calendar of massive card companies and florists.

MsVestibule · 13/06/2012 21:59

Would it be fair to say you have bigger issues than just whether to buy him a Father's Day card or not Sad?

sensuallettuce · 13/06/2012 22:06

YABU.

DC1 & 2's dad is a total wanker tried to have me sacked/arrested he's a cunt actually. He never bothers with mothers day even though the kids ask him to give them money too and all he does is see them 4 days on a good month. OH takes them out to buy me stuff on mothers day/my birthday/Christmas because they want to do that for me.

DC3 dad doesn't bother either although buys DS3 ex step mum flowers/cards etc from DC3 because she did a lot for him by having him DS3 4 nights a month in her house Hmm.

However these days are for the kids not us so tomorrow I will give all 3 DC a fiver each to go and spend on their fucking useless dads. :)

Original poster
uselesslife · 13/06/2012 22:26

He doesn't take that opportunity every day though. You'd think the amount of hype about mothers day might just trigger a thank you

I have bought him a card, DS will make one at nursery and I have a chocolate teddy for DS to give him, but that's it. I honestly feel hypocritical because he doesn't deserve it.

I got him a card and present for our anniversary and I got nothing

I'm sad because I want him to be a better father and husband

OP posts:
Original poster
uselesslife · 13/06/2012 22:27

I might actually go and eat the fucking teddy myself

OP posts:
Original poster
uselesslife · 13/06/2012 22:29

Yes, MsVestibule. I think so

OP posts:
Hassled · 13/06/2012 22:31

Eat the chocolate teddy.

And then make an appointment with Relate. You can go on your own - it will help you work out whether the relationship is worth all the unhappiness, and help you to see the wood for the trees.

PoppyWearer · 13/06/2012 22:33

YANBU.

I made a huuuuuge fuss of MIL for Mother's Day, planned a big family day around her spending time with her GCs and DCs. Got naff all from my DH, even though it was DC2's first Mother's Day.

To his credit he did realise later that he'd done wrong and I got taken on a nice weekend away for our anniversary afterwards.

He's getting a card and a t-shirt from the DCs for Father's Day and not even a sodding lie-in (because I didn't get one of those either).

I think I was on one of your threads, OP.

YouOldSlag · 13/06/2012 22:37

Every day is bloody Father's Day in this house ((mutters madly))

ScrambledSmegs · 13/06/2012 22:49

YANBU. Eat the chocolate teddy. 'Forget' to give your H the cards. Sling them at him on Monday morning as he's leaving the house.

I was on one of those threads last year, I think. Although it was the year before that that I had DD, and shortly after she was born it was Mother's Day. I cooked a full roast lunch with dessert for DM and MIL, gave them both bunches of flowers and some chocs, plus cards 'from' their first DGD. All while dealing with a 2 week old DD who had hit her first growth spurt and wanted feeding all the time. DH ignored me for most of the day and sat chatting Angry. I let it slide as I was so exhausted with everything, but when he did exactly the same thing the next year I gave him the full hairdryer treatment, then did ^ that on Father's Day. He got the message.

I know I'm not his mother although I bloody feel like it sometimes but it doesn't take much to buy or help your child to make a card. I don't expect anything, apart from a bit of respect, and when that's consistently absent I will take a stand.

Rant over Blush

HeathRobinson · 13/06/2012 22:51

Sometimes you don't have to be the bigger person.

sensuallettuce · 13/06/2012 23:17

I didn't become a mother to be thanked by anyone and I long ago stopped expecting any appreciation for it at all.

My investment of my time will pay off and does pay off when I see the three fantastic kids I have raised alone.

I don't need a card or a bunch of garage flowers to see that.

On the other hand the kids want to do something and its more of an effort and mean not to than to just let them show their dad they love him.

When they grow up they will see for themselves how little their fathers have done until then I will facilitate a relationship with their fathers the way they want.

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