To not agree with school about this?!

[StrawberryJamTart]

Maybe I am being totally unreasonable but I don't feel I am in the wrong. I am a regular who has name changed as don't want to be identified and some details below may do that!

I work in a school. The leader of our key stage has said we are not allowed to make Father's day cards as it's not the done thing.

For Mother's day we had to make cards and presents (which was lovely) and I want to do the same for father's day.

One girl in the class has two dads (adopted) and i feel so upset to think they won't get a card from her made at school.

It's not even to do with not knowing if there is a dad on the scene as for the class I work with, we know the background of all the children and know it would be safe to send a card home.

There's nothing I can do to over ride her decision but just feel so sad that the children won't be making cards
hormones may have exacerbated my emotions

123, you sound really thoughtful and obviously manage the various permutations in a sensitive way. It can be done.

I do think it's sad that children make mothers day cards but not fathers day cards, though I do see why. DH has never had a fdc made at school, but dd & I used to sit down together and I'd help her make one.

On the other hand you could say that you are 'punishing' the many for the sake of the few.

I am a bit torn on it - although it is very nice I felt so sad for DS who found it very difficult when he was 5/6yrs and his father was dead. No reason why it shouldn't be done but they never seemed to take into account that we needed to get it in the post for grandad.

Our school (where I work) don't make father's day cards either. We do make Mother's Day cards and there are definitely 3 or 4 without a mother at home. This year reception ARE making cards. They are not calling them father;s day cards though - can't remember actual title. The children can chose who to send the card too - but there are, amongst others, some inners with the message "Happy Father's Day" so children can chose it if they wish.

I think many schools/places use the arguement that Mother's Day - or Mothering Sunday - is a traditional christain celebration, whereas Father;s Day isn;t.

I was about to say the same: some people are dismissive of Fathers Day because it's a recent, imported event promoted by card manufacturers. I'm not immune to that bad-smell-under-the-nose response. However, I think the battle against commercialisation of familial love has been well and truly lost and we should probably give in to this one

Of course teachers have to be sensitive: last Mothers Day created a whole lot of grief for my dd. But I don't see that it's rocket science to celebrate fathers while being inclusive.

Is it a faith school? Mother's day is actually a religeous thing, father's day isn't.

Mothering Sunday is religious, Mother's Day isn't. Father's Day isn't either.
YANBU
Both or neither in my book. Is there someone higher up you can talk to?

The ony person higher than her would be the head but really don't want to cause upset and grief by going above her head ( Would cause enormous hassle and I need her on side as she is effectively my boss and makes decisions that affect everything).

Am name changing back now but thanks to all who replied :)

Why is it so important that school children have to make a card for a parent during school hours? It is something that can be done at home if a family feels they need one special day to show gratitude to a parent.

Making so many children feel uncomfortable is disgraceful. Children go to school to be educated not to be made to feel such anguish. Those with a full set of parents can as i say make something at home if so desired. It's a recent 'idea', it is not something necessary to a child's education and causes more problems than it's worth.

I am a CM and the children have been making cards this week. Mostly fathers day cards, a couple for mum and a couple of birthday cards.

How about simply pieces of art which can be taken home and given to whoever the child likes.

You can easily make them at home-I think that it is much better because however you do it it is very upsetting if the father is dead.

The point six is that they should either do both mothers day and fathers day cards or neither, there are children without mothers just as there are children without fathers, so doing just mothers day cards is not the sensitive option, doing neither is, or doing both but being sure to frame the activity in a way that makes various alternative recipients of the cards equally valid.

Schools just grasp any suitable "theme" for craft activities I guess, which is why the making of cards and crafts based on all sorts of dates on the calendar is popular, not that it "needs" to be done.

My son's Kindergarten does nothing in the regular Kindergarten day but has a sign up lists on the classroom door for a Father-child craft session to make Mothers Day presents and Mother-child craft session to make Fathers day ones, so you need both parents to get either craft! (In theory, in practice of course any parent-nominated accompanying adult could go along).

Mother'sDay is different to Mothering Sunday - the UK celebrate Mothering Sunday (which is a christian festival) ....

ours always make fathers day cards and there are several children with no fathers.

Those children make cards for their granddads, stepdads, uncles..... whoever they want really and it's never caused any issues

If wiki is correct the Christian "Mothering Sunday" had to do with visiting your "Mother church" not your female parent... but I don't think whether there are Christian origins to Mothers day but not Fathers Day has anything to do with whether school children should or shouldn't make cards, and don't ´quite get why so many people keep pointing out the existence of Mothering Sunday (which, as others have said, is not really the same as the secular Mothers Day, and the cards are surely for the secular aspect not the church aspect )

I mentioned the Christian aspect of Mothering Sunday because the OP works at a Cof E school.

My DD used to make them at school but haven't for years. She didn't have a dad though, so it used to upset her a lot and it would really upset me as well. She used to make one for her grandad, but she still stood out like a sore thumb.

I understand that people like this, and i love getting mothers day cards shes made at school, but why does it have to be done in school time anyway?

I have been with my partner for years and DD makes him a fathers day card now, but in all honesty, and I know I will prob be flamed, I don't think it should be done at school. Yes it's cute, yes we all like getting a card. But the upset it causes the children that don't have a mum or dad isn't really worth it.

I actually took my DD out of school one year when I knew they would be making the cards because she used to get so upset.

I've never complained though obviously, it is what it is.

My mum died when I was 15, so past the age of making cards at school. But if it had happened when I was younger, I would have found it hugely upsetting to be sitting in school surrounded by other children making cards for their mums.

But of course I would never have dared say anything in school so they would have thought there were no issues.

Instead of blaming the teacher why dont you blame all the deadbeat dads who willingly walk away from their children's lives?

I wonder if there is potential for children to be upset unintentionally by a lot of things at school though; the stories they read or have read to them, themes or presentations in assembly, the bring your grandparents to school days that I have recently heard some schools do, not having a parents able to come to the school play/ celebration assembly ... of course children's feeling's should be recognised as very important and handled sensitively, and of course it isn't actually necessary whatsoever ever to make cards for any specific day or person (perhaps a child lost a loved one at Christmas so making Christmas cards etc. is genuinely very upsetting to that child) but it must be quite hard to plan activities, even solidly curriculum based ones, without ever running the risk of (genuinely) upsetting somebody!

I am not really sure that the fact it might theoretically upset somebody is a valid reason not to allow anyone to make a card, it is a valid reason for staff to be aware of the circumstances of the children and handle it properly. Of course that should encompass the option that if a child has found the activity really upsetting before they could be found a "special job" (perhaps in the library or similar) or something to do with a couple of friends to avoid being in the classroom at that point.

"My mum died when I was 15, so past the age of making cards at school. But if it had happened when I was younger, I would have found it hugely upsetting to be sitting in school surrounded by other children making cards for their mums."

Exactly. That is why i think schools can be forgiven for not doing fathers day cards. Kids just want to fit in and i think it would be upsetting for kids who have lost their father to see everyone around them making cards for their dad, whilst they do something different as they dont have a dad. It doesn't have to be the school's job to make a card, parents can do this at home too if they want.