to think this Mum was out of order?

[madmomma]

At toddler group this morning & there's a regular there who brings a boy of about 14m. He's in a hitting phase, as is common at that age. So he's really on a mission this little lad - going up to any child he can find and hitting them over and over.
The first few times it happens she gets up and says 'no' to him + apologises to the victim. Fine. But he's not bothered about being told off (I know that one)so he carries on. At this point she starts to hover vaguely around him whilst he merrily hits every child he can find. It was carnage! And every time he does it she says 'no' to him but then he carries on. So AIBU to think that when your child is in this kind of phase/mood you stick to them like glue to stop them beforethey hit the next kid? By the end of the session he must've hit 30 kids, including young babies. Mums were having to guard their babies against him FGS! I know it's impossible to prevent the odd slap or push but she was just kind of waiting for him to hit the next child without physically preventing him at all. Bloody drove me mad it did!

Well, I would have told her to either mind her child properly or take him home. Especially if I had a small baby. She shouldn't really need telling, because this is the sort of thing which should be obvious, but did no one speak up?

Perhaps the playgroup leaders could have a quiet word.

YANBU
I was at a children's gym/soft play session and another little boy took a dislike to DS1 (nearly 3) and followed him everywhere he went, hitting him and pulling his hair. DS1 is actually surprisingly laid back about this sort of thing (bearing in mind he has a hair-trigger temper about everything else!) and just kept taking himself off to another piece of equipment - only for the boy to follow him and do it again.

The boy's father kept coming and putting him (rather wetly, in my view) in time out every time he did it...and then standing watching him doing it again and making no attempt to stop him. There were lots of embarrassed smiles and little shrugs, but no actual attempt to prevent it happening. Eventually DS1 had had enough, and when the other boy tried to push him off the slide, he walloped him. The father looked absolutely horrified and glared at me. I did a little shrug and a wet smile and said "oh dear".

As they were leaving, the boy made another beeline for DS1 and the father did stop him. But then he said to me "Oh he just wanted to say goodbye."

Really? You think?

Yes I should have said something to her really but I have to see her twice a week. She kept apologising and saying "oh he's got one on him today, you do understand don't you?" and I spose I was just to people-pleaserish/polite to tell her. It feels so weird to have to point out something that you feel is blindingly obvious. I felt sorry for the little boy really, because the other kids were starting to avoid him.

*too

She needs another way to deal with it, but she probably doesn't know how. It's unfortunate...

Maybe you should try giving her some tips... Although might not go down well.

i wouldnt have said anything. she was hovering. she could have taken him away but imo it woudl be rude of you to tell her. i spose you could hav eled by exmaple, ie. show him something of interest yourself

but surely she can catch his hand before it makes contact with a baby's head? Obviously not the first few times if she thinks he's stopped it, but this was going on for an hour. He wasn't even playing with any toys, he was just running round slapping people.

slarty I was too busy guarding my babies!

imo it woudl be rude of you to tell her.

It's pretty bloody rude to not take responsibility for your child's actions either, especially when it's physical.

Personally i'd have got her told.

got her told?

how about telling him youerself op?
saying
OW that hurts.

got her told?

Yep. That her sons behaviour was unacceptable and she needed to do something about it rather than just passively allowing it to continue.

no but do you mean tell her yourself or get someone else to tell her?

a little girl nearly stepped on ds head when he was about 3 months because her mum was letting her wander round the part of the floor specially blocked off for babies to lay on the floor was angry but asked one of the ladies who run it to have a word to avoid any arguements

I think, if he were about to hit a child i was next to, I'd be hard pushed not to stop him myself, and include a proper Supernanny style telling off to go with!

"So sorry, Mumofhitter, i used to work with children with SN and the old instincts still kick in. You do understsnd, don't you?"

Hopefully the stupid bat would get the hint for next time

Well, yeah, you are sort of not being unreasonable, obviously but a 14 month old boy causing "carnage"?

Do you have just the one baby girl, by any chance OP?

If a child tried to hit my DC I would block the shot and say" no, that hurts" in a firm voice. No biggie, really.

*no but do you mean tell her yourself or get someone else to tell her?
*

Well as it appears no one at the playgroup felt the need to say anything i'd have done it myself.

yanbu, next time tell her 'you know hes going to hit, stop him before he does it, for fucks sake, what's wrong with you?'. She needs to be told As for hitting babies, I'm surprised she didn't get a box herself for allowing that. Stupid woman.

If he was only 14 months she surely should have just picked him up and kept him on her lap for a bit, I have a 13 month old and if he is overly physical I pick him up and take him elsewhere in the room... he is only just learning to respond to "no", as is normal at this age. Mine doesn't hit but sometimes has tried to play with smaller babies a bit too physically (he has older siblings whom he is used to playing with, and only sees smaller children at toddlers) and of course I leap in and move him elsewhere if it looks like it might happen, not after the fact if I can possibly help it! The other mother's response sounds more like a struggling mum of a boisterous 2.5 year old than somebody with the relatively more simple task of parenting what is basically a toddling baby!

Sounds as if you or somebody should have said something - she is going to be a liability to have at your toddlers group if her little boy is still a handful in a year's time! Maybe think about what to say to her next time, or if you have a recognised group leader perhaps talk to them about it.

Tryharder, what are you suggesting about mothers of only girls?

One child running around hitting other children is not good no matter what their gender!

And yes, it was up to the mother to do something about this child, not for everyone else to have to stop him.

At our toddlers group people do "tell off" (as in say "No X that hurts/ is not nice" or whatever) other people's tots and it is totally accepted. But then we also lift other people's children down from tables they have precariously climbed on, help them on the slide if they are diddy and look unsafe etc. etc. - I moved out of the UK 5 years ago when my eldest was toddler group age and that was normal in UK toddlers groups too - is it now not acceptable to pick up a hitty 14 month old who is whacking babies around the head and hand him back to his mum?

The trouble is that we are told to 'ignore' bad behaviour & reward good, aren't we? So maybe that's why she didn't act.

Tryharder I've got 3 children but what's that got to do with anything?

The trouble is that we are told to 'ignore' bad behaviour & reward good, aren't we? So maybe that's why she didn't act

Any parent who thinks that mantra extends to when a child is hitting other children has a somewhat warped parenting view imo.