to think this Mum was out of order?

[madmomma]

At toddler group this morning & there's a regular there who brings a boy of about 14m. He's in a hitting phase, as is common at that age. So he's really on a mission this little lad - going up to any child he can find and hitting them over and over.
The first few times it happens she gets up and says 'no' to him + apologises to the victim. Fine. But he's not bothered about being told off (I know that one)so he carries on. At this point she starts to hover vaguely around him whilst he merrily hits every child he can find. It was carnage! And every time he does it she says 'no' to him but then he carries on. So AIBU to think that when your child is in this kind of phase/mood you stick to them like glue to stop them beforethey hit the next kid? By the end of the session he must've hit 30 kids, including young babies. Mums were having to guard their babies against him FGS! I know it's impossible to prevent the odd slap or push but she was just kind of waiting for him to hit the next child without physically preventing him at all. Bloody drove me mad it did!

Tryharder the only toddler I have ever come across who was really persistently thuggish on an ongoing basis at a toddlers group was a pretty, butter wouldn't melt looking 3 year old girl, who pushed smaller children over and took toys away from them whenever her own mother wasn't looking every single week (she didn't care about other adults seeing her). Not sure the boy/ girl divide totally holds with very tiny tots (and I have a girl and 2 boys).

Thatisnotitatall I think most people I know would generally feel comfortable picking up a child causing harm or telling them off, but if the mother is actually hovering over them watching them doing it then it's a bit more awkward and difficult than if she's on the other side of the room and hasn't seen what they're up to.

YANBU, that would have really irritated me. I think I probably would have said something along the lines of "Oh, I hated it when DC when through that stage. They just ignored everything I said so I had to physically hold their hands so they couldn't hit. Nothing else got through."

that's a good idea actually AKMD, although I fear she may be too stoopid to take the hint. Ironically, my own son is 20m and has been through the hitting phase. I remember him at about 14m pulling hair, too. So I do understand how frustrating it is, but she was just so lax.

True AKMD - I guess I have never come across somebody hovering over their child and letting them hit, so my point wasn't really relevant! The other mum sounds totally pathetic tbh, no 14 month old should be a behaviour problem, they just need picking up and moving away from the situation, how very odd, I do wonder what that mother thought she was doing!

You could always try that and then stalk the child for the rest of the session, wait his mum turns her back for 5 seconds and grab the opportunity to tell him off yourself.

I am a very laid back mother. Having 5 DCs of varying temperaments and one with SN I understand that kids go through phases of behaviour.
I understand that kids hit and bite and spit and do all kinds of unpleasant things.

BUT this happened to me when DC5 was very small. Mum at toddler group had a 2ish year old who was going through a very spiteful phase. She kept going up to much younger children and hitting them and scratching them.
Very unpleasant to see your baby getting a clout.

I am afraid I ended up roaring at the mum when her child did it for the third time and left a horrible mark on my baby. She had done nothing to prevent, control or show her child what she was doing was not acceptable.

It is very unlike me to shout in public, particularly if there are children present.

I didnt feel good about it but what the hell was I supposed to do. After smiling in a rueful understanding way, moving my child, watching as the kid did it to several others and then came back for another go at mine whilst mum sat there like a bloody lemon.

She did get told.

Maybe she is bad at predicting the future? After all, no crime without an incident. Telling her child off for something he might have been about to do could be traumatic for him if he was only going to stroke the other child. Or something.

I don't care whether she tells him off. She just needs to prevent the hitting from happening. There's no spite in him cos he's a baby, but he had a hefty right hook!

When my kids are going through one of their hidious phases I tend to keep a hawkeye out for them. Just in case.

Its horrible when they manage to get a bite or a thump in. You feel bad, they get upset, the other child is howling, the mother is pissed off.

It just makes sense to keep on top of them for a bit surely?

YANBU, she is being feeble, I see lots of mums and dads like this. Too afraid to raise their voice a little or say NO to their little prince or princess.

Have a word with the organisers of the playgroup and next time this little devil angel comes near your dd watch him like a hawk and if he swings then say "No hitting, hitting is NOT allowed here" in your best supernanny stern voice. He and his mother will thank you when he's 14 years old

MrsDeV - I also roared in the middle of soft play for the first time the other day!

A child of about 8 kept letting himself into the baby area and his bloody wet mother just kept whining "oh dear, you really shouldn't be in here, I really think you should go out, oh dear, well as long as you are careful."

On his fourth incursion, he wasn't careful. He wasn't careful to the tune of kicking a foam block at DS2 (5 months) and then running over him when his mother whined at him again to leave. His foot actually brushed DS2's head.

I am not prone to screaming and shouting on behalf of my children - I had barely seen DS1 for the previous hour after hurling him into the bearpit that is the main play area and sitting down with a cup of tea - but I draw the line at allowing my baby to be trampled underfoot.

I stood up and yelled "That is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE" at the top of my voice and followed it up with "out Out OUT!" and then "Stop suggesting he leaves and get him out of here before I go and get you thrown out" She eventuaally bodily removed him to my final shriek of "totally unacceptable"

The whole place was transfixed. It is a terribly middle class play centre where We Do Not Shout.

If she wasn't going to stop him then why didn't you??? Of course you should say something to her - it's a Mum's responsibility to protect her child, so why shouldn't you say something?

Exactly MrsDVIt's mortifying when one of yours is being vile, and you either pay them adequately close attention or you take them home.

We're having similar ishooooos with our dd2 (2.9) - she can be very physical with other children, but so far only children much bigger than herself! Still not acceptable, but it did make me chuckle when the Pre-school staff said they'd put her on time-out for having another child in a headlock . Other child was a boy, a foot taller and 18mths older!

She plays rough and tumble with her big sister all the time, but has so far made no attempt whatsoever to be rough with her baby brother

The last Mom that pulled that kind of parenting at our local baby group got the shock of her life when the tiny babies her PFB had been 'spiritedly' battering all grew up and spent an entire session hitting him back while no of us happened to be watching

I actually felt really sorry for him but he did learn his lesson, it's just nicer when they don't have to learn the hard way because of lax parenting.

Mine are always trying to do something mortifying.

I have had 20 years of this malarky.

DC5 looks like shaping up to be the worst yet. Nursery keep dropping hints like 'hmmm he knows what he wants doesnt he?' and 'he is a real little toughy isnt he'

I know what they want to say.

I liken him to a bulldog with an afro.

[grin]@bulldog with an afro
my son's like a mini Bruce Forsyth with PMT

Say that then. Say if it helps when mine hit everyone I did this that and the other.

In the moment I guess many parents were too shocked to do anything but I bet some were raging afterwards. I wouldn't be surprised if some don't come for a week or two in the hope that he will be out of this phase. It isn't his fault of course, he doesn't realise it is wrong yet but she should be intervening everytime. I go to a playgroup and a similar aged child wants whatever toy another child is playing with, that mother has twins running in opposite directions but intervenes everytime. That is good parenting in my opinion.

Another women's kid tries to grab dd's dummy out of her mouth and I intervene before he gets to her everytime and tell him, 'no that's not nice'. The mums response initially was that her baby was only interested because he doesn't have one which is fair enough but I told her that it upsets my baby, dd has since poked him in the eye when he's tried to take her dummy and now his mum watches him better.

Zombie 🧟‍♀️