To change Doctors to avoid this nurse? *I am VERY upset*

[Kayano]

It's me again and surprise purprise It is about my needle phobia. The nurse who gave me my phobia is the one who gave my baby her last lot of Jabs yesterday and I am so upset. I just need some perspective (but please be nice) as to if I am being PFB or if this is ok just so I don't get upset in the future. I'll admit here that I have pretty much copy and pasted this from my blog (which I won't link to here because of the guidelines and I am a good girl) because I simply can't bear to type it twice.

Firstly here is my background with how this nurse contributed to my phobia:

This woman should not be allowed to speak IMO. She doesn't think before she says anything and is very careless with her words.

When I was 13 I missed the Meningitis vaccinations at school. Flat out refused them at school due to my fear. My mum made me go to the GP to get the needle off the nurse. My mum came with me, such was my fear. I won't call it a phobia at this point because while I was terrified, I was going to have the needle. We walked in and my Mum explained to the nurse about my fear and how terrified I was.

The nurse called me silly and then prepared the needle. I sat still but had tears rolling down my face. The nurse (we'll call her Cow-Pat) looked at me and said:

 'You can't be so silly, if you move even a cm the needle could snap off and get embedded in your arm.'

Well that was it, I told her I was not having it and off I flounced (OK I may have mentioned breaking her arm if she came any closer with that thing)

Now I did so so well getting therapy and hypnotherapy and had needles when I was pregnant and a couple since but I am still terrified and can feel it getting worse again. DD had her first 2 injections with a different nurse and I was fine. I took my mum and even watched her get her needles and gave the baby cuddles and smiles so she wouldn't get a fear like me.

Yesterday she had her last lot of jabs. My heart sank as I walked in and saw Cow-Pat sitting there. She sat us down and instantly I remembered why this idiot should not be allowed to speak.

Cow Pat: This will have to be quick because I am very busy today. So I see dd hasn't been here for over 5 weeks?


Me: That's not right, she was here exactly 4 weeks ago


Cow Pat: 1, 2, 3... 4 oh right, you're right.


Me: .......


Cow Pat: And this is her second lot of injections (while preparing needles)


Me: No... Its her third 


Cow Pat: Oh... right. I just need to prepare the needles then. It's so easy to pick up and inject the wrong thing! Ha! And I am super rushing as it is really really busy due to the Jubilee last week.


Me: ....<strong>heart in mouth, looking pleadingly at my mum</strong> I don't think I can be here for this one

My Mum: She has a terrible phobia

(which Pat had clearly forgotten, having given me it 17 years before)

Cow-Pat: Oh dd you have got a silly Mummy. You're not going to be silly like your mummy

Seriously I could have punched her in the face (but I didn't, I just sat there feeling distressed and upset). I don't want Sophie to be scared, I don't let her see my fear, I smile at her when she has the injections, I take my mother, I do everything I can to protect her from associating needles with pain and terror and I am still deemed as 'silly'. I think I did a damn good job and Sophie didn't even cry at the first needle! Any medical professional who can describe a phobia sufferer as silly, stupid or any other lowly turn is a complete idiot!

Its now the next day and dd is too hot and have had to give calpol for the first time EVER after a needle and she has only been awake 1.5 hours. I am trying to stay calm and know she needs to rest but that stupid Cow-Pat has now got me wondering 'did she give her the right needles, did she inject her with something she shouldn't?' I checked my red book and surprise surprise the moron hasn't even filled it out! I know its normal for them to be sleepy the next day but This sleepy? I also know deep down that she has probably had the correct needles but she has upset me so much and put this doubt in my mind I have been sitting here stewing all day and sobbing as I look at DD.

So WIBU to change doctors? It isn't even my local one anyway but I'll be damned if i am in a situation where this woman could potentially try and inject me or dd again. I don't even want to accidentally bump into her in the clinic. Is this something I can complain about?

Sorry - Xpost. I would definately move if its a mega surgery - they are awful!

"Her saying that she could easily inject the wrong stuff, feeds that irrational thought. If she knew you had a real phobia, she should not be saying stuff like that."

Should a health professional be saying things like that to anyone?

She seems horrifically unprofessional, she shouldn't be saying that the Jubilee weekend is making her so busy it would be easy to rush and make mistakes or things like that.

But only change surgeries if it's best for you

I think there are several overlapping issues and the OPs view of events is tinted by past experience with Pat.

1. Pat's bad beside manner. Being called silly is not in the least sensitive, and while I can see that she was trying to minimise the fear, she wasn't very sucessful. In Pat's defence I think a lot of people throw the word phobia around without really understanding what it means, so it lessens the seriousness of it for her. She's probably dealt with people who say they have a phobia but are being silly.

1. Saying how easy it is to make a mistake is quite unprofessional in that it doesn't inspire confidence. Neither does telling the patient that you dont have much time because of the jubilee.

1. Not filling in the red book is worth complaining about.

If you are happy with the other staff at the surgery I would stay and just request someone else when booking the appointment.

I moved dentists because i couldn't stand the receptionist, life is too short.
I wouldn't complain because she hasn't done much wrong apart from not fill in your book. Have you tried EFT? It helped me get over my fear of public speaking, it could help..

I feel for you Kayano. I am a fellow needle phobic. After seeing a Psychologist I am now able to talk about injections without passing out. I still have panic attacks if a needle comes anywhere near me though.

During labour I had 7 needles in me. Everyone now is saying that I must have no problem with them now after getting through labour. Er, yeah right. Nobody understands that you are fighting against your brain which is an incredibly hard thing to do. If I had a pound for every time I've been told 'just don't look' then I'd be rich. As if I had never thought about not looking!

DH is going to take DD to her jabs wherever possible as I too don't want to pass anything on to her. You are braver than me by going along yourself. If I had a nurse like this then I too would be looking to change surgeries. You don't deserve someone who lacks basic empathy.

If a so-called health professional called me a silly mummy, I would tell them to fuck the fuck off. (Well, actually, I wouldn't, but I'd think it.)

I'd complain to the practice manager. I think if you've got a needle phobia, then it takes a lot of courage to work yourself up to taking your kids to be vaccinated, and you don't want some twat of a nurse trivialising it.

I don't know whether it has been said but i would complain, tbh.

She shouldn't be dimissing phobia's as being 'silly' and shouldn't be making the statements in front of patients about what can go wrong.

It doesn't matter how buy a nurse is, if there is a chance of error, they should slow down and cancel appointments.

busy

I would complain, I feel her comments were totally unprofessional. As a nurse it is common to encounter lots of true needle phobic (as opposed to those who don't like needles) and she should be able to deal with this in a caring and professional manner.

The Silly Mummy comment was beyond the pale and if she had done it in front of me I would have blasted her and quoted the NMC code of conduct at her. (but then I?m ex-nurse)

She was being a smart arse and as for what she said to you as a teen I wonder how many more people have needle issues because of comments like that.

Seriously in 17 years of clinical practice, where one of my roles was either taking blood or giving injections all day I have never had a needle break.

You don?t need to leave the practice just state very clearly that you do not want to see this nurse again.

"I generally never talk about my phobia in front of dd (who is 16 weeks btw) but felt IT HAD TO BE MENTIONED SO SHE WOULD MAYBE THINK ABOUT THE CARELESS THINGS THAT COME OUT OF HER MOUTH"

Absolutely Kayano. As I said, I imagined an older child (despite you saying baby!), probably just from the fact the nurse made that comment.

I think you should complain. I always think people should complain about bad treatment by health professionals, not just because of the affect it has on your personally but because they might be doing the same to even more vulnerable people who have no support around them and who aren't in a position to properly stand up for themselves.

Also, I'm sure the practice manager would rather you complained so the issue can be resolved than lose patients.

You are not silly, your phobia is just as valid as mine, flying. Everyone poo poos that. But I have to sedate myself for that. Saying that I get on a plane and you get your jabs. It's just something we have to face. I agree that nurse needs a good talking to by the practice manager.

No, no nurse should speak to anyone like that but I was merely talking about the OP's situation, not in general.

But I do agree with you.

When you make an appointment for an injection, can you not choose which nurse to go to? I have a B12 injection every three months. One nurse hurts so I always ask for another when I make the appointment.

Oh, and no one should criticise you in front of your child.

I have B12 injections too but I never get a choice. Just depends on who is in and available at the time.

Thankfully though, I mainly get the nurse who isn't as viscous at putting it in than the other one.

Besides, aren't childrens jab appointments sent via the post so you don't actually book them yourself? With both of my DC they where.

I sympathise with you, as i used to have a terrible Irrational phobia of my dentist, However he left, and my new dentist is fine.

Sorry it's hard for you.

Actually I'm impressed that you actually made it in to the room.

Ive seen hairy handed 20+ stone truck drivers burst in to tears at the thought of an injection.

If the nurse upsets you then move surgery.

yes it should be in the red book but more importantly it should be on the drs computer system in her medical records - they could copy it down in to your red book.

the nurse probably comes out with that spiel all the time- to most people it's would be very innocuous and just an ice breaker - but you have a phobia which by their very nature are unreasonable/irrational and you have a long standing personal hatred of this woman -but yes she should have been more sensitive both times (but tbh I think even if you went back in time and stopped your 1st incident with her you would probably still have this phobia now)

your daughter is most likely fine and having a normal reaction but if you are stressed get her checked out for your own peace of mind - and they can check the dosages on the system for you too which might help ease your worry.

And def look into going back for more hypnotherapy - you have probably taken a couple of steps back due to seeing the same woman who you have focused on as the cause of your fear and the fact it is you daughter so all your mummy protective instincts may have heightened it.

Her conversation seems totally inappropriate to me tbh.

I think I´d have to mention that.

Talking about rushing & easy to do the wrong thing?-sounds very unprofessional.

I hate injections/blood tests & just want to get in/get it done/get out.

Anything beyond "OK?" is too much for me & tbh I expect the staff to know/remember-but have the feeling my holding the chair as if I´m on a white knuckle ride might give it away.

Maybe just don't book with that nurse?

The system that Gp's use have the facility for a pop up every time you book saying "do not book with X"

Have a word with the practice manager or senior doctor and they should sort it out for you.

They should also have your needle phobia noted on the system so that any Dr/nurse seeing you will know about it.

In your position, I would change surgeries, but based on the fact that it's not local, not purely because of the nurse.

I understand how dibilitating phobias can be - you have done really well so far ;)

Right.

I'm a practice nurse and think she was out of order.

HOWEVER if I had a pound for every person who told me they had a needle phobia I wouldn't need to be a practice nurse any more. True needle phobia is fairly rare and I think YABU to expect the nurse to remember yours from 17 years ago.

I do baby clinic and vaccinate approximately 20 babies/children every week. I'd say about a third of the (usually) mums who come in tell me they have a needle phobia and don't want to stay in the room. That's fine but most of them have pierced ears and/or tattoos so I do find it hard not to raise an eyebrow at their comments! If they say they are scared at the idea of a needle or scared that their darling little baby needs a needle then of course we would try and reassure them (we don't like injecting babies!!) but I honestly don't have lots of time to spend calming mum down. If whoever brings the baby has a true needle phobia then I might suggest someone else brings or holds the baby.

HOWEVER your fear is real and she shouldn't belittle it. I would never make comments like she made but I think you need to calm down, inform the practice manager that you found her manner inappropriate and take steps to avoid seeing her again. Your baby isn't due any more routine vaccines now until she's over one so it should be easy to avoid her. When your DDs next imms are due just phone and ask for another nurse.

(PS The red book is largely irrelevant now because imms are recorded electronically. Many parents forget or lose the red book so it's not always filled in - just take it next time and they can fill it in for you later)

I used to a bit needle phobic and scared of medical procedures. But when living in Germany I had my tonsils out and some other stuff, and had to have drainage tubes inserted up my nose, the doctors and nurses were so surprised when I started making a fuss. None of the other patients in at the time were bothered about it either, and it made me realise its better to put on a bravado of fearlessness. Now I'm fine because I've got so used to acting like that.

I don't like making a fuss. Its easier for the doctors and nurses the more still you are, they're only human too. And you don't want to pass on your fears to your DD.

"HOWEVER if I had a pound for every person who told me they had a needle phobia I wouldn't need to be a practice nurse any more. True needle phobia is fairly rare and I think YABU to expect the nurse to remember yours from 17 years ago. "

That is what I was trying to say before exactly :)

This is going to sound harsh but...

Whilst phobias are in no way silly at all, it is down to you to seek further treatment to rid yourself of it.

Your blog and this thread (here's the harsh bit!) does sound rather self indulgent...as though you have a phobia and therefore other people around you should change their ways to accommodate it.

Great in an ideal world but in the real world you are responsible for your own self so you need to get this sorted once and for all.

You can write as many blogs as you like but that's not going to change the fact that A) you have a phobia and B) you are responsible for seeking treatment.

I hope you manage to seek further treatment and it all goes well.