To change Doctors to avoid this nurse? *I am VERY upset*

[Kayano]

It's me again and surprise purprise It is about my needle phobia. The nurse who gave me my phobia is the one who gave my baby her last lot of Jabs yesterday and I am so upset. I just need some perspective (but please be nice) as to if I am being PFB or if this is ok just so I don't get upset in the future. I'll admit here that I have pretty much copy and pasted this from my blog (which I won't link to here because of the guidelines and I am a good girl) because I simply can't bear to type it twice.

Firstly here is my background with how this nurse contributed to my phobia:

This woman should not be allowed to speak IMO. She doesn't think before she says anything and is very careless with her words.

When I was 13 I missed the Meningitis vaccinations at school. Flat out refused them at school due to my fear. My mum made me go to the GP to get the needle off the nurse. My mum came with me, such was my fear. I won't call it a phobia at this point because while I was terrified, I was going to have the needle. We walked in and my Mum explained to the nurse about my fear and how terrified I was.

The nurse called me silly and then prepared the needle. I sat still but had tears rolling down my face. The nurse (we'll call her Cow-Pat) looked at me and said:

 'You can't be so silly, if you move even a cm the needle could snap off and get embedded in your arm.'

Well that was it, I told her I was not having it and off I flounced (OK I may have mentioned breaking her arm if she came any closer with that thing)

Now I did so so well getting therapy and hypnotherapy and had needles when I was pregnant and a couple since but I am still terrified and can feel it getting worse again. DD had her first 2 injections with a different nurse and I was fine. I took my mum and even watched her get her needles and gave the baby cuddles and smiles so she wouldn't get a fear like me.

Yesterday she had her last lot of jabs. My heart sank as I walked in and saw Cow-Pat sitting there. She sat us down and instantly I remembered why this idiot should not be allowed to speak.

Cow Pat: This will have to be quick because I am very busy today. So I see dd hasn't been here for over 5 weeks?


Me: That's not right, she was here exactly 4 weeks ago


Cow Pat: 1, 2, 3... 4 oh right, you're right.


Me: .......


Cow Pat: And this is her second lot of injections (while preparing needles)


Me: No... Its her third 


Cow Pat: Oh... right. I just need to prepare the needles then. It's so easy to pick up and inject the wrong thing! Ha! And I am super rushing as it is really really busy due to the Jubilee last week.


Me: ....<strong>heart in mouth, looking pleadingly at my mum</strong> I don't think I can be here for this one

My Mum: She has a terrible phobia

(which Pat had clearly forgotten, having given me it 17 years before)

Cow-Pat: Oh dd you have got a silly Mummy. You're not going to be silly like your mummy

Seriously I could have punched her in the face (but I didn't, I just sat there feeling distressed and upset). I don't want Sophie to be scared, I don't let her see my fear, I smile at her when she has the injections, I take my mother, I do everything I can to protect her from associating needles with pain and terror and I am still deemed as 'silly'. I think I did a damn good job and Sophie didn't even cry at the first needle! Any medical professional who can describe a phobia sufferer as silly, stupid or any other lowly turn is a complete idiot!

Its now the next day and dd is too hot and have had to give calpol for the first time EVER after a needle and she has only been awake 1.5 hours. I am trying to stay calm and know she needs to rest but that stupid Cow-Pat has now got me wondering 'did she give her the right needles, did she inject her with something she shouldn't?' I checked my red book and surprise surprise the moron hasn't even filled it out! I know its normal for them to be sleepy the next day but This sleepy? I also know deep down that she has probably had the correct needles but she has upset me so much and put this doubt in my mind I have been sitting here stewing all day and sobbing as I look at DD.

So WIBU to change doctors? It isn't even my local one anyway but I'll be damned if i am in a situation where this woman could potentially try and inject me or dd again. I don't even want to accidentally bump into her in the clinic. Is this something I can complain about?

No one likes needles... True. But that is not the same as having a full blown phobia.

Op I hope you're ok. You know the way you're feeling isn't rational, that's the nature of phobias. It sounds like you're doing all the right things and numpties like cow pat don't help. You would not be unreasonable to request someone else do any future injections.

If it's Cowpat's attitude that's making you tense up every time you go in there then I'd move surgeries TBH. Life's too short for that type of stress.

If I heard a nurse say those type of comments I'd seriously lose my confidence in them. And that relationship is so important.

How would you feel if a vioce you heard in theatre was the surgeon saying "It's so easy to accidentally chop your leg off Kayano... I'm in a rush cos I'm playing golf at 3"?

Kayano I think you are very brave. I don't have a phobia as such but I had to get DH or dMIL to take both girls for their injections as I couldn't stand holding them.

Well done for trying so hard to normalise it for your dd.

Lots of parents hate having their baby vaccinated, to the point that I've seen the parents going in/out of the room in tears on many occasions.

Our nurse is lovely, and always nice to everyone, she is very matter of fact though. You need it done, so we'll get on and do it. She does have a tight schedule on baby jab days so spending 10 minutes calming one dp down, really can start throwing time out. Then more parents/preschool children have to wait, and the waiting for a lot of people is worse than having it done, so you have more people in meltdown before the jab...

Expecting her to remember an episode 17 years ago-you won't have been the only one like that in 17 years.

Lots of babies have a temperature afterwards. You're lucky to have got to jab no. 3 before that's happened. All of mine had temperatures on the first one.

The stuff that would be noted in the red book will be on your dd's record on the computer. Next time you go ask the doctor if they can fill it out for you. No big issue.

Phobias=irrational thoughts/feelings. Her saying that she could easily inject the wrong stuff, feeds that irrational thought. If she knew you had a real phobia, she should not be saying stuff like that. Instead, she should be reassuring you.

Needles aren't exactly something anyone likes, and I think people don't actually realise the huge difference between not liking needles, and having a full blown phobia of them. I never liked them. I actually purposely lied with the TB at school and said I had been ill so they wouldn't give it me. They also had to pin me down for the Meningitis C. I "thought" I had a phobia, but after pregnancy, and a hundred needles, I just got to the point of still not liking them, but flopping my arm out and telling them to "get it over with". The fact I now need regular injections for the rest of my life means I have no room for a phobia anyway. In my case, I was able to "just get on with it".

TRUE phobias you can't. I felt absolutely useless and wanted to cry with my friend when I had to take her to hospital and she needed bloods taking. She was physically shaking, sweating and crying. No amount of me talking to her and trying to take her mind off what was going on around her helped, because of the irrational thoughts in her head. She knew deep down that it was silly, but couldn't help it.

I have sympathy for you OP. If I was you, I would move doctors as you need to find one which you are comfortable going to which won't make your fears worse.

Also about the red book thing, make a complaint.

But she wouldn't of injected the wrong stuff, so try to not think about that (although easier said than done)

Can't you just ask for a different nurse? It seems a bit OTT to change surgery (and I have a phobia too - of something else - so I know where you are coming from on how hard it can be just to pretend to be normal when the thing you are phobic about is happening).

However, I think YABU to expect this woman to remember you after 17 years even if you did threaten her with violence one day 17 years ago.

Sadly with my phobia, I tried very hard not to let my children be aware of it but they found anyway and even though I've tried to make it clear that its me who has the problem and there really is nothing to be scared of, however my eldest says he is scared of them too now.

I think you've overreacted but I can totally understand why and I'm not having a go at you at all, so hope you don't think that. Cowpat doesn't sound the nicest off all women but perhaps she didn't realise the full extent of your phobia. Lots of people say they're needle phobic when they really mean they don't like injections but who does? I'm sorry she didn't take you seriously but perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt with regards to that. YABabitU to expect her to remember you after all these years as I'm guessing you've changed a bit!

Yanbu, and the name Cowpat made me giggle.

I'd definitely move or, if you like your dr, ask for a different nurse, and try and have some more hypnotherapy and/or counselling because you don't want this to become debilitating for you.

YANBU to move if you want.

But..what did you want her to do? Make a huge fuss in front of your DD? best way to avoid her getting a phobia like yours is to be matter of fact about it and not to make out it is a big deal.

OP, you and your mum talking about your needle phobia in front of your dc is going to increase the likelihood of your dc having a needle phobia. To be fair to the nurse, she probably said you were being silly to try and play it down in front of your dc.

i'm sure silly mummy was just her trying to make light of it and pitching her words at your DD's level by the way.

oops i mean her SAYING "silly mummy"

OP we've been on several needle phobic threads together and I completely get you.

DS has extreme needle phobia and it is most patronising when people on MN and in real life, tell you to get a grip because you're an adult or because it's a regular thing.

What they don't realise is no amount of rational thinking is going to help. Even months of intensive therapy makes it just about bearable. So YANBU.

I am very strict about what happens when DS has regular needles. It has to be done in a certain way to prevent the fear increasing and to stop the phobia taking over and DS lashing out. Several doctors/nurses don't listen and end up surprised when DS hits /kicks them. What they don't realise is that their presence and attitude has to be that of understanding, which makes the process easier. Smart arsed remarks lead to belittling a person who is already afraid - not big or clever IMO.

You can do one of two things, you can move surgeries and never see this woman again. Or you can remain with the surgery and talk to the practice manager about not letting this woman treat you. It all depends on the relationship you have with the surgery already.

But rather than saying "silly mummy" when obviously that may, or may not even, belittle the mum and her feelings isn't going to help matters either. The child went for their third jabs, so not able to understand anyway. It was aimed at the OP.

She would of been best reassuring her.

Oh good point youvebeentangoed - I was imagining an older child!

Actually OP I've just remembered something - I wouldn't say I was phobic but I refused to have the jabs at school too (I think it was also being hurded into a big group and having something 'done to' me that bothered me as much as the injection). But what got me over it was having a serious operation where I was given morphine injections afterwards for the pain. It completely shifted the way I felt about the injection as it was giving me something good. Not sure if that's much help and I wouldn't recommend going as far as having an operation to get over this, which I'm sure you will, but it's a demo of how mindset can change as I'm now completely fine with injections/blood being taken etc when before I'd have done anything to avoid it.

Cow pat is a good name.
If you don't feel happy put in a complaint or refuse to see her again. She can't be the only nurse there? I wouldn't just move doctors tbh, just deal with the problem at the existing surgery.

I generally never talk about my phobia in front of dd (who is 16 weeks btw) but felt IT HAD TO BE MENTIONED SO SHE WOULD MAYBE THINK ABOUT THE CARELESS THINGS THAT COME OUT OF HER MOUTH

(sorry caps accident)

anyway, that doctors is quite far from me (I only stayed because of the lovely midwife who I won't see anymore anyway) and its one of those mega surgeries when individuals get lost in the crowd and you never see the same doctor twice. Its also a 'ring at 8.30 if you want an appointment, otherwise wait a month. So its not a particularly good practice anyway.

i do need to go back for more treatment. i got signed off when baby arrived. It sucks

That is terribly unprofessional behaviour. Personally I would complain and refuse to be seen by her again. I would not allow her to drive me away from my gp surgery if I was otherwise happy with it. I say this as someone who has put needles in people on a daily basis in work for ten years and who has never once called a patient 'silly' let alone twice.

Well then what's stopping you? Move to a surgery closer to you, it will be more convenient anyway.

If you want to get it off your chest, write to the practice manager about how unhelpful your experience was.

It also sounds to me like she didn't understand the gravity of your phobia, sadly lots of people will say they have a terrible needle phobia when they just mean they don't like them..

Not defending her for her sake by the way, just that being so angry with her is obviously upsetting you and it may help to think she wasn't being quite as horrible as you thought.

i mean she maybe assumed you just didn't like it, not realising how bad your phobia is

sorry have been quite ill and have fuzzy brain still

a phobia is a cry from 'being silly' and i totally understand why you're so upset Kayano

the nurse may well have had good intentions, but she shows no understanding of real phobia, and for this i would move surgeries or ask for a doctor to administer any future jabs

real medical phobias are far from silly - i have a dental phobia, i made it to a waiting room 2yrs ago and had a panic attack. phobia are very very real, and very very frightening.

you did fantastically well taking your DD in the 1st place

If you are happy with your GP then try not to move - it is just this one person who is causing the problem. Ask to talk to the Practice manager and be very specific but calm when you tell her your story, or write it down - do it when you are less angry! The practice manager or the GP should then take it up with the nurse and hopefully deal with it. Then just make it clear you don't want to see her again.

It might also be worth asking you GP about getting help with the phobia. Phobias are no joke - I have trypophobia (aversion to clusters/ holes) which is very wierd and totally illogical but I can't help it - I want to vomit when I see groups of holes or spots . How crazy is that?