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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with dh?

75 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:14

He has been away with work over half term, so from Thursday 31st until Saturday night (9th June). I had to do all the Jubilee stuff with the kids. I also work full time, so had to take the kids to kids club for wed-fri.
It was ds2s birthday on tuesday just gone.
I got up early with them on sunday to go for 9.30 mass, so he could sleep in. We then went out of London for a walk. I have done all his laundry. Today was an inset day, he naturally has been working from home the whole day, I have been trying to combine the kids, and work as I could not take the whole day off but work from home. Also do last minute home work with them.

Today he announces that NEXT weekend, he is going mountain biking with a mate on saturday, and to MOTO GP with the same mate on sunday.

It is ds2s birthday party on saturday. Once again, I will be left alone with the kids, and he might not even be back to help at the party. I can picture me, in a cab, picking up his cake and going to the party. (In a hall, mad science booked)

And again on sunday morning, me getting up early with the kids to take them to Church. Ds1s First communion the weekend after, so we need to go. Sad

And then, organizing ds1s communion party, and having family coming on thursday, so there will be NO relaxation for me all of June it seems!

Tomorrow I have to be at a tradeshow, blardy hectic. Two days. And it coincides with both kids having play dates home after school tuesday and wednesday, been arranged for ages, so this means the next two days will be a nightmare.
Get the kids to school, go into central London for the show, get back after show, pick up kids and friend, go home cook dinner, take the other child who does not have a mate over for his activity, and repeat the same but with different kids the following day. And it all falls on me. Always. Sad

OP posts:
Ruthchan · 11/06/2012 20:24

You're not being unreasonable.
You need to talk to him about sharing the load more fairly.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:26

I just feel really hurt and upset that he is chosing to do this when:

a) it is ds2s birthday party on saturday and he missed his actual birthday and ;
b) he will be away on fathers day when he has already been away for two weekends.

AND next weekend all mayhem descends on us with family and Communion celebrations.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 11/06/2012 20:27

Quint you know you need to have a word with him. Hes being very selfish. When does he spend time with the DCs?

Oogaballoo · 11/06/2012 20:29

You are allowed to say something here. You don't have to take this. Reading your posts made me really sad because it sounds like this is the way of things and you are expected to deal with it. Maybe you should outline how much work this will be and how it has been going on for a while.

Yama · 11/06/2012 20:29

Have you told him how you feel?

I can't imagine shouldering all of that responsibility on my own.

QuickLookBusy · 11/06/2012 20:31

You need to talk to him.

Point out what you have had to cope with whilst he was away and tell him you are not willing to shoulder everything this weekend. He has to be at home.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:35

He was really put off. He kept challenging me "What, do you want me to cancel?" Really uncaring.

OP posts:
Yama · 11/06/2012 20:37

Your answer is "You need to cancel, it is not possible for me to do this on my own. Nor is it fair."

LateDeveloper · 11/06/2012 20:37

Struggling to understand the concept of a partner let alone a co-parent just informing someone they will be away for the next weekend without any degree of consultation.

Add to that it's father's day and your dc's birthday party and I'm flabbergasted that you seemed resigned to it rather than furious.

Are you scared of him OP? What would happen if you said actually that is not ok - I need you to cancel both those plans and next time we discuss weekend arrangements?

cocolepew · 11/06/2012 20:38

'Everything' would hsve been the snswer to tgst.

Why does he not want to be there for your Dcs birthday/communion?

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:39

Now he is sulking because I was on the phone to my dad, and he called for me to come, I told him I was on the phone, and he said "hang up and come here".

Like I would ever tell him to hang up the phone and come RIGHT NOW. Hmm

He said he needed help with doing ds2s home work, and that was more important than my phone call. How disrespectful.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 11/06/2012 20:40

Lordy sorry about the spelling!

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:40

The MOTO GP on sunday I can understand, his mate booked the tickets 3 months ago. We did not know at the time that it is fathers day next weekend.

I just dont understand him.

OP posts:
Oogaballoo · 11/06/2012 20:43

He's fucking rude and treating you with no respect. I'd call him out on it because the whole "What, do you want me to cancel?" challenge makes it sound like he thinks he can make you back down by forcing it into a confrontation.

For both examples, well I don't know if you can understand why someone would talk to their partner that way and want to prioritise themselves over everyone else, other then selfishness.

RationalBrain · 11/06/2012 20:43

Haven't you posted before about your dh?

Anyway, regardless, of course yanbu. However, yabu to keep facilitating his behaviour. Start by not doing his washing fgs! And set on his diary when it's his turn to take the kids to church, or wherever, so you share the load.

And that's just a basic starting point, before you start examining with him why he thinks his spectacular lack of involvement and support is alright.

Babylon1 · 11/06/2012 20:45

Sorry, do you just accept that he speaks to you like that?? Orders you to hang up??? That is bang out of order Angry

As for everything else, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Does he really expect you to do all that by yourself?? Really?? Sad

JustFab · 11/06/2012 20:45

He is treating you like you are not equal to him.

Fairenuff · 11/06/2012 20:49

When he asked do you want me to cancel, what did you reply?

I would have said, yes, I do want you to cancel.

Rollersara · 11/06/2012 20:50

Wow. What would happen if you announced you would be out with a friend all day one weekend? Did you follow his orders, or did you stay on the phone?

Dozer · 11/06/2012 20:50

This sounds awful, but why are you putting up with it, and doing stuff for him?

vanimal · 11/06/2012 20:53

Is he not upset at missing his son's birthday and now his party too?

everlong · 11/06/2012 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainNancy · 11/06/2012 20:55

Oh QS. Did he not want to move back to UK?

ChasedByBees · 11/06/2012 20:57

He sounds like an idiot who doesn't respect you at all, I'd have some stern words.

MadamFolly · 11/06/2012 20:59

What would happen if you just announced you had plans one weekend where he expects to relax a bit? I bet he would not be happy.