to be pissed off with dh?

[QuintessentialShadows]

He has been away with work over half term, so from Thursday 31st until Saturday night (9th June). I had to do all the Jubilee stuff with the kids. I also work full time, so had to take the kids to kids club for wed-fri.
It was ds2s birthday on tuesday just gone.
I got up early with them on sunday to go for 9.30 mass, so he could sleep in. We then went out of London for a walk. I have done all his laundry. Today was an inset day, he naturally has been working from home the whole day, I have been trying to combine the kids, and work as I could not take the whole day off but work from home. Also do last minute home work with them.

Today he announces that NEXT weekend, he is going mountain biking with a mate on saturday, and to MOTO GP with the same mate on sunday.

It is ds2s birthday party on saturday. Once again, I will be left alone with the kids, and he might not even be back to help at the party. I can picture me, in a cab, picking up his cake and going to the party. (In a hall, mad science booked)

And again on sunday morning, me getting up early with the kids to take them to Church. Ds1s First communion the weekend after, so we need to go.

And then, organizing ds1s communion party, and having family coming on thursday, so there will be NO relaxation for me all of June it seems!

Tomorrow I have to be at a tradeshow, blardy hectic. Two days. And it coincides with both kids having play dates home after school tuesday and wednesday, been arranged for ages, so this means the next two days will be a nightmare.
Get the kids to school, go into central London for the show, get back after show, pick up kids and friend, go home cook dinner, take the other child who does not have a mate over for his activity, and repeat the same but with different kids the following day. And it all falls on me. Always.

oh.
right.
telling you to hang up. very rude and disrespectful.

can't understand why he thinks it is ok to bugger off for the weekend.

I did not hang up when he told me to.
I called him on it afterwords. This is why he is now sulking.

When he asked me whether I wanted him to cancel, I said "do what your reasoning is telling you you should do". He did not cancel. He confirmed that he would come, but that he had to be back for 1 pm. Thing is, he needs the car to go there, in order to ensure he is back on time.

But I think I will tell him to leave the car behind as he is not stranding me without a car.

Will his ds ever forgive him if he misses the party as well as his actual birthday? Is there a reason why he feels so entitled? Just as well he'll miss fathers' day, he hardly deserves it does he.

Well, I am for sure not going to organize any cards and presents when he is not even going to be here.

He is not much of a birthday person, and seem to not understand that birthdays mean something to others.

When he asked me whether I wanted him to cancel, I said "do what your reasoning is telling you you should do"

Well there you have it then . . . I would have said Yes! Absolutely!

You two do not communicate well do you.

You do realise that this will never change unless you start talking and he starts listening?

He is being astoundingly disrespectful to you and to his children.

I don't know how you're not angrier. I would be tempted to hide the car keys so he can't take them "by mistake" and maybe hiding the bike

Sorry but I think he is so selfish that you need to be very specific.

" I want you to cancel your plans so you are here for ds party. He wants you to be here"

I actually can't believe a father wouldn't realise he should be there or his sons party.

He thinks he can do both.

He is master of Tight Schedules and trying to do too much.

He thinks he will absolutely be able to do the riding, and be back in time.

He does not realize that this will cause immense stress. The day will be about kitting HIMSELF out for a ride, waking up really early, and risk waking me and the kids too.

I am going to tell him straight he has to cancel.

Why on earth was your reaction not 'You fucking well will not!!!'??? Moto GP I can understand if the tickets were bought ages ago, but mountain bike riding as well after being away is taking the absolute piss.

But I think I will tell him to leave the car behind as he is not stranding me without a car.

Yes - you need the car - he can sort himself out. Make sure this is clear and not negotiable.

I also agree that you need to be more direct. It would be much, much nicer if he thought this through for himself but that isn't going to happen.

He's not taking any responsibility for his children.

Just tell him he can't go. It's a family day and your child is more important than his biking.

Last time I told DH to do what his conscience dictated he ended up buying a Lexus , nowadays I don't make rash statements like that!

Look even if you were divorced he would have to look after his own children more than he appears to be doing at the minute.

I would speak to him again and say that you are disappointed that he is spending so much time away and choosing not to spend time with his family and that you would like him to cancel his mountain biking on Saturday so he can be there for his sons birthday party - if not because he thinks birthday parties are important, then at least to provide some support to you.

I would also start trying to arrange time away at the weekend yourself. Yes you don't want your family to suffer, but the only way your DH is going to realise DCs on his own all weekend. I would get the kids to get him a fathers day card but not go out of their way for it, you will feel guilty if he hasn't got anything and stop the wee lie in treats and the laundry doing.

He is usually very good spending time with them.

But apparently not this month..

He walks them to school most days, and picks them up some of the time. And usually we share taking them to activities.

It all got skewed when he had to go away with work. I suggested he go over half term, as if he was going to be working from home at the same time as the kids are off, we are all going to lose our minds. My problem is that he has chosen to spend both saturday and sunday doing HIS stuff the weekend after he comes home. Especially bearing in mind that the following weekend will be a nightmare.

I am sorry but for me arranging a holy communion and having lots of family is a bit of a nightmare. Most people would probably find it great fun and a joyous occasion.

My sister is coming with her daughter, and my sister is a nervous wreck after a very difficult year (again, so no surprise there). My best friend with new baby and husband are coming. My BIL will bring his pregnant girlfriend and she will meet dhs other family for the first time. My dhs best mate who has just been served divorce papers will bring his wife and kids....

I think the real crux is that I was hoping to have a chilled weekend before all the mayhem decends on us, and it turns out that my dh gets a DREAM weekend at my expense...

He KNOWS my sister, and that he will have to be on her beck and call (like the rest of us) so I am thinking he has timed this.

You ARE going to insist he stays home for the Saturday aren't you??? You MUST! And if he won't then I am sorry but he's a bastard.

Thanks goodness we cant afford a Lexus!!

I think you're enabling him to be a bit of a shit Dad tbh. You won't tell him not to...but come out with things like "do what you think you should" and then get bitter when he chooses wrongl.

So what if he thinks he can get back on time? Who gives? You need him with you to help!

Ok, since nobody else has said it, I will. Leave the Bastard! He sounds like a prize prick, especially the phone call scenario.
He will not have free time at the weekends if you leave.....you will though.

I am not going to leave him over this, that would be insane. He is usually a good dad and husband. But on this occasion I am rather shocked.

I want to know I am not unreasonable to ask him to NOT go mountain biking on this occasion. I have absolutely no issues with his hobbies, and neither has he with mine. If I want to go and see a friend on the weekend leaving him with the kids, that is fine. I just would not do it on the day of dc birthday party!

Your threads about your H, make me feel very sorry for you and your children.

YANBU- but he won't change, so you will have to, unless you want it all to carry on the same.

You must confuse me with somebody else wilmot. I have no marital problems. My husband has been my rock and support for the last 3-4 years dealing with my family problems. I pity my children for other reasons.

I mean, I pity my children for being uprooted twice, and deal with demented grandma.

I think he needs to chose which day of the weekend he wants to go out with his mates.

Oh Quinty he may be a peach most of the time but this time he has Let You Down Big Time. But I guess you know that! I can't even tell you how loud I would be yelling at DH if he tried to pull a stunt like that.

Apart from anything else I think you owe it to your DS to make sure his Dad is there at his birthday celebration. It sucks that you need to do it, but there it is. You need to insist, make a fuss, rant and rave, sell his mountain bike on eBay, whatever it takes. DS has a pretty shitty father at the moment (I believe you when you say he's not always like this) and you need to nip this in the bud, for your whole family, not to mention your own mental health.

Ok lecture over!

And no of course he can't do both bike ride and birthday party! Wont he have jobs to do in the morning to get ready? Who is preparing the party bags or going home things? Food? Cake, candles, matches, paper plates, cutlery, I dunno, the million little birthday party details that drive me mental?