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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend to stop talking to her DS all the time???

37 replies

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/06/2012 18:21

I probably am but need you lot to tell me! My friend is a very old one and she has a DS and a DD...her DS is two and evrytime we meet for lunch or something, we both have at least one child with us...my DD is 4 and was with us today and she had her two year old DS.

We went to the pub...nice garden and all that so the DC can play....WHENEVER I tried to speak, she became ambroiled in some game of chat or peekaboo with her DS and yet when SHE wanted to crap on about her life, I listened!

It ws driving me mad! She's only done this since she had her DS...her DD is older and at school and to be fair, I saw them only rarely when her DD was a baby as we lived in different towns...so I have no idea if she did the same with the dd.

It's the same if we visit them or if she visits us...she HAS to play, chat and otherwise interact with her child on a tight, one to one basis...I KNOW that is healthy but surely the point of us meeting is for the DC to play and us to catch up? It's only a couple of hours...her DS isn't very demanding and my DD though 2 years older, is very good and enjoys playing with him...they play well!

SHe HAS to whizz over to him, scoop him up and have a little "private moment" every frigging 5 minutes and I do not exagerrate....and it is ALWAYS when I am talkng! Should I say something and what?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/06/2012 18:21

embroiled not AMbroiled! Hmm

OP posts:
FfoFfycsecs · 11/06/2012 18:22

Yanbu at all, drives me mad.

Pedigree · 11/06/2012 18:23

No, say nothing but don't go out with her. Children have needs that, well, need to be attended to, but ignoring you in a regular basis is just rude.

rainydaysarebad · 11/06/2012 18:23

YANBU. Hate those types of Mums. Stop meeting her, or play with your phone when she's talking; that'll teach her.

Firawla · 11/06/2012 18:24

yanbu, she needs to balance it better. whats the point of meeting up if she wont give a chance for the pair of you to talk?
also its good to teach the dc that sometimes adults want to have a chat together, so they can amuse themselves and not keep interupting. for young children obviously you cant really totally ignore them for couple of hours but she does sound excessive

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/06/2012 18:25

YANBU. Nothing worse than a baby bore :) If she's a friend tell her straight.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 11/06/2012 18:26

It's a difficult one; how do you tell a mum not to talk to her child? I have a 4 and a 2 year old and do find it quite difficult to chat properly to friends when the children are there as if you don't chat to them they just keep say "Mummy...Mummy...Mummy" or start arguing with each other. Not so bad at home but a nightmare in cafes etc. I don't think you're being unreasonable as such but your friend might find it hard to comply with your wishes.

squeakytoy · 11/06/2012 18:26

YANBU and it would drive me mad.

I would say to her that you would love to meet up without the kids so that you can have a proper chat as would be a break for her....

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/06/2012 18:27

I mean I don't ignore my DD or anything....I make sure she's happy with her food etc and look at things she might want to show me...but mostly I am there for adult company!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/06/2012 18:28

Ghoul but her DS is very good and he entertains himself for ages with my DD or with a beermat! He never says "Mummy" not once!

OP posts:
TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:28

YANBU, drives me mad. My sil is like that, she's obsessed with her ds so now totally ignores her older dd! I wondered whether you might have been talking about the same person but dn hasn't started school yet!

picnicbasketcase · 11/06/2012 18:29

When she stops her little chat with her DS, does she actually ever say sorry or 'what were you saying' or anything? I would be tempted to say 'Look, am I boring you or something? Because every single time I start to speak you find something else to do.' Or start wandering off every time she speaks. But I'm horrible.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/06/2012 18:29

Actually it's as though she pursues him! He won't come near her unless she goes to him! Confused He's most parent's dream child!

OP posts:
TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:30

Yeah, my sil's ds is a pin in the ass when my sil is around but when she isn't he's as good as gold. He clearly doesn't need or (IMO) even like all the fussing that my sil makes over him. It would drive me berserk if I were the poor bugger anyway! Grin

TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:31

pain in the ass Grin

MainlyMaynie · 11/06/2012 18:31

But surely more time for conversation will only provide more time for her to 'crap on' about her life. You don't sound like you like her very much, so why meet at all?

TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:32

I always excuse myself when in adult company when I have to communicate with my dcs.

TheCountessOlenska · 11/06/2012 18:33

Ha ha, my friend is like that! Before I had children I assumed that I would end up the same - and so was fairly sympathetic (although saw her less obvs)

I have a child now, and have realised that she is a weirdo . . . I meet up with adults for adult conversation!

jumpingjackhash · 11/06/2012 18:33

Oh I have a friend like this too, it really mars our get-togethers when we can't even have a simple conversation because she's off wittering to her (often completely absorbed in something else entirely) DD. I find it really rude and frustrating.

It's a toughie to address though - since it got to be a bug bear for me though I've made a point of inviting meet-ups when there will be a bigger group or when I know her DD can stay with someone else so we can actually have a conversation rather than me just talking to myself

TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:34

Mainly I have to admit I started to reassess a lot of my friendships when our dcs came along... I let a few friendships lie fallow for a while while my friends turned into baby bores and associated with more interesting people while my friends 'got over' their darling children - took a few years though!

TheMonster · 11/06/2012 18:35

When she gets up to go to her DS, get on your phone, and carry on with the conversation long after she has returned.

Pollykitten · 11/06/2012 18:35

YANBU when people do this you never get a proper conversation going which is dull and wearing...

thebody · 11/06/2012 18:36

I friggin hate this. Endless bloody nursery rhymes and games just because mum can't tell precious child to wait a moment mummy is talking.

Children need to learn that although important so are others adults and children.

I would gently tease her about it and if no joy then say ' let's meet up aGain without the kids so we can really chat'

If she not keen drop her,,, As baby bores are not good company.

TheBolter · 11/06/2012 18:37

Trouble is body is that her friend probably wouldn't give a crap and would just see is as a chance to witter more inanities to little Johnny.

oneofthosedays · 11/06/2012 18:38

My friend did this a lot when her DC's were younger and it used to bug the hell out of me, we never got to have a proper catch up. However now they are older she tells them to wait for us to finish speaking before giving them her attention and it's a lot better. Maybe she feels at 2yo she needs to give him this attention, the child is probably a bit young to appreciate why they have to wait to say something to mummy. I can see how frustrating it must be, could you organise something of an evening with her so you get to have a good natter?