AIBU to wonder about this apology

[summerflower]

Hi there,

I'm new to Mumsnet and have just mostly lurked so far. But this is bothering me, so I thought I would put it up for discussion.

Without giving the whole long story, DH and I had a ruck at the weekend over him not finishing the ironing (I had to BF ds and then I needed to finish some work as I had taken some days off as ds was sick and he said he would do it, but left the sheets as I am apparently better at doing them). I got upset because he has not taken any time off to look after ds, he gets all his work time, and I feel like I am struggling to keep up. He ended up swearing that he had done some of the f*ing ironing, why was I upset? He does not normally swear.

I called him out on the swearing the next day, but we didn't really get a chance to discuss the bigger problems as he had to fly abroad, although none of it is new. I got a text which said 'it makes me sad to see you upset, sorry'.

Am I being unreasonable to think that text is really all about him or should I just be glad that he has apologised and forget it.

accept the apology, when you both have time and aren't tierd discuss the real issue which is about sharing childcare. why are you ironing sheets - cut all this crap out then you won't be so tierd?

I would accept his apology, it seems genuine enough, it't not nice seeing someone you love upset. I would accept it and maybe( jokily) request some duty free chocolate treats/perfume dependant on income! He might surprise you!

agree with the sheets! effort!

Sounds like you're both tired and stressed and have fallen out over something fairly minor. I would accept his apology and share a bottle of wine once DS has gone to bed. Maybe spending a bit of time together will help you both!

I think he sent you a nice text
Were you being a bit all or nothing ??
All the ironing, or it wasnt worth bothering ?.
He only left the sheets, did he do quite a bit and get fed up ??

Well YABU for ironing sheets!!

At least he apolgised...you are probably both tired and niggly so let it go. Dont make it into something it isnt.

What startwig said.

And I have never had an ironed sheet in my house ever. Really, life is too short!

YABU to iron sheets

Life is way too short to argue about ironing sheets!

What startwig said.
On a broader note, my work is fairly flexible while dh often has to go abroad, so I seem to end up endlessly re-arranging my work around half terms, sick kids etc, whilst his work is inviolable.
This has often irritated me, but now I more or less accept that that's just the way it is in our particular set of circs.
Not sure if this is applicable to you or not, but maybe you either have to come to terms with the way the cookie crumbles on this one, or else have a discussion about prioritising your's or dp's work at different times?
You say "he gets all his work time" but he probably doesn't think of this as a bonus!

People iron sheets?

summerFlower

You don't iron sheets my love .

You cut ironing down to essentials, if DH needs shirts for work then he does his own - new rule.

Other than that, folding and hanging and some tumble drying negates the need to iron. Or ironing sleeves and edges straight out of the wash and hanging on a decent hanger to dry.

And now to the upset/text apology.

I get what you mean, - he's sent you a simple but heartfelt apology in the hope that this will be the end of it and hopefully you will let it go?

Let it go.

Don't iron

{hug}

I've never ironed a sheet in my life. Nor slept on one, except possibly in a (very) posh hotel.

Yabu.

hahahaha, I get it, leave the sheets and get between them instead
yes, that would have worked better.

As for him getting all his work time, yes, he does see this as a bonus, he is very professionally driven. I also have some professional ambition, which I feel I have let go. I feel a bit resentful about that, but, on the other hand, I just try and enjoy the time with the children and keep up with my job as best I can. But yes, that is the real issue.

He gets all his sleep, I don't, so it was me being tired and niggly. Another sort of issue, but I am generally better at coping with less sleep than he is.

Thanks for your input. I don't know which perfume I want, it is so long since I have bought any, but yes, duty free perfume is a good idea as I was thinking I need to invest in some. I have just texted to suggest we have lunch together when he is back, on our own, without the children. We get no time together, so this is a start at least (and not a sheet in sight).

i iron my sheets, seems like there are just a few of us left.

My DH and I both work full time (we both do similar jobs at same level of pay and stress etc). However, it is always me who has to juggle work around schools, sickness, doctors appointments etc. I know from speaking with many other women it is the same in their households too. Not saying it's 'right' but does just seem to be how it is. For me, i don't mind too much as when my children are sick i'd rather be with them anyway, and they always want mummy too. But it is hard to keep up with the work also, which i sometimes think DH forgets

On the apology - i would let it go

Fuck the sheets! I iron the the bits you can see once they are on
It's hard. I have a baby and kept thinking how shit my partner was. I read lots of threads on here And realised he telly isn't that bad.

Get him to iron the sheets once on the bed. Far easier to do.

Joking aside, he gets all his sleep?

And you don't?

Because you are better at coping with less sleep than he is ?

Tell him to get over himself and pick up his share of the childcare and housework.

Pick your battles. Ironing sheets is not one of them. Anyway, anything that won't be seen outside of your immediate family does not need to be ironed.

His text is not all about him, he's upset that he has upset you - that to me suggests a man who is caring.

Glad you have sent him a text back suggesting some time together, hopefully he will see this as a sign that it has all blown over.

fairneuff - i think its more about deciding how you want to live as a family and using each others strengths - its supposed to be a partnership. my husband does a lot less housework and childcare than me but he's good at other things and earns a load of money. whereas i've taken the back seat on work and earn a lot less. this works for us as we feel 2 ambitious people and a family would be too much of a stretch. so what if she gets less sleep if they are happy with this arrangement

Why the actual fuck do you iron anything sheets ? YABVVVVVU Ironing is totally unnecessary and a waste of time.

YABU to iron sheets!

I also get less sleep than my husband because I wake on a hair trigger and he doesn't. I also realised early on that he's just such a grumpy sod in the middle of the night that I'd rather deal with whatever it is myself than make him do it. On the other hand if I've been up in the night it's up to him to deal with the early morning until I feel fit to face the day. It's just what works for you really, isn't it?

I got a lady called Joy. She comes to my house on a Wednesday, takes away my ironing and brings it back Friday for about a tenner.

DP didnt want to get an ironing service so I have him a couple of weeks to show he was willing to help, he did nothing, she was hired.

oohhh i iron my sheets as well :)

then they are all tidy in the hot press :)

but to get back to the OP - i would take the apology and run