AIBU to wonder about this apology

[summerflower]

Hi there,

I'm new to Mumsnet and have just mostly lurked so far. But this is bothering me, so I thought I would put it up for discussion.

Without giving the whole long story, DH and I had a ruck at the weekend over him not finishing the ironing (I had to BF ds and then I needed to finish some work as I had taken some days off as ds was sick and he said he would do it, but left the sheets as I am apparently better at doing them). I got upset because he has not taken any time off to look after ds, he gets all his work time, and I feel like I am struggling to keep up. He ended up swearing that he had done some of the f*ing ironing, why was I upset? He does not normally swear.

I called him out on the swearing the next day, but we didn't really get a chance to discuss the bigger problems as he had to fly abroad, although none of it is new. I got a text which said 'it makes me sad to see you upset, sorry'.

Am I being unreasonable to think that text is really all about him or should I just be glad that he has apologised and forget it.

I too think fuck the sheets. However I also wonder about men who feel like they have to point out what they have done RE housework. Do women ponce about telling their husbands 'look, I emptied the bin/ironed the shirts/cleaned the bath/mopped the floor/picked up shit from the stairs'?

dueling - i blame their mothers, as my future hopefully one day DIL will probably blame me.

I am a massive fan of crisply ironed sheets. But you either need to send them out, or stick them on un-ironed at this stage in your life. Seriously, there are bigger things to worry about than this. Enjoy your baby, enjoy one another, go a bit easy on yourselves for a while and don't make life harder work than it needs to be. If you'd done that there'd have been no argument would there?

It's not just the sheets though is it? Are you ironing tea towels and underpants too?

Stop!

If you can afford, get a cleaner for a few hours a week and enjoy your baby. And get your dp to do at least one night of waking up a week.

I'd let the text go though.

Accept the apology and move on, and FFS stop ironing the effing sheets, have you seriously nothing better to do with your time?!

I'm afraid my answer to that text would be 'then pull your weight and don't swear at me and I won't get upset' - but I'm a bolshy cow (have been married nearly 21 years so must be doing something right, however!)

However I do agree with not ironing sheets. Or pants. Or socks. Or anything, in fact, unless I'm about to wear it and the fabric is such that it won't 'drop' with body heat. It all gets creased in the wardrobe anyway, what's the point? And DH has non-iron shirts.

This isn't about ironing though is it OP?

Or housework of any kind. It's about how you feel - this is bothering me

he said he would do it, but left the sheets as I am apparently better at doing them

I got upset because he has not taken any time off to look after ds

I feel like I am struggling to keep up

He ended up swearing that he had done some of the f*ing ironing, why was I upset?

I think it's clear why you were upset and I think he is not taking you seriously. He is not pulling his weight. You are shattered. He is not listening to you.

Take some time to talk to him again and explain just how rotten you feel x

Okay, I've got the message about the ironing... .

Re sleep, he absented himself from the marital bed when ds was born to save disturbing me with his snoring when I was already being woken up by DS every hour or two. I honestly don't mind this, as he is miserable and like a bear with a sore head when tired, it is so totally not worth it.

Fairenuff, you are absolutely 100% spot on. Truth is, I've said all that, and more, he acknowledges that I am knackered, he agrees that I must be knackered, he knows that I am doing more than he is... and not much changes, at least not very fast. He is doing more than he did before, though, so we are going in the right direction. Slowly. It's a work in progress. I'm meeting with some resistance, though, I fear.

We had a cleaner, but he complained about what she did whilst not being willing to do it himself, so it was kind of the worst of both worlds, because it was money we don't really have. But an ironing service, can you complain about that not being done properly??

Ah well, thanks again for your input. I am sure we will get there.

summer I can keep up with the cleaning but I found the ironing too much, its quite cheap and if your struggling for time, I would heartily recommend it!