To not wake grumpy DS from nap to take him to parents for lunch?

[Snowboarder]

My mum and stepdad are off this week having been on holiday abroad for the last fortnight. I rang this morning to see if I could pop up for a coffee this afternoon with 14 mo DS as we had missed them whilst they were off.

My stepdad rang back after we'd spoken to invite us for lunch instead, so far - so good.

We had no other plans so just been playing at home this morning although DS is very grumpy as he woke up early, is teething terribly and hasn't napped over the past few days. I am really struggling to run around after him too as I'm 8mo pg and have bad back pain/ braxton hicks, plus a UTI. Basically, we're both tired and frazzled.

DS had a tantrum about half an hour ago and after a long period of tears (his, not mine), he fell asleep. Although it's only half an hour from lunchtime I thought I'd put him down in his cot for a nap as a) he clearly needs one and b) I'd tried to get him to nap over the weekend with no joy - thought I'd make hay whilst the sun was shining!

Rang stepdad to say DS had just dropped off and I was reluctant to wake him, but that they could go ahead and have their lunch and we'd be up as soon as we can (live just 5 mins away). He was very narky saying 'how long will he be asleep?' (erm, no idea!)

So, given that DS is shattered and probably won't nap at my parents house AIBU not to wake him to make the lunch date. Btw lunch with my parents is usually salad so nothing that will spoil if not eaten immediately.

the op also said she had uti,bloody painful and needing a wee every 5 seconds + teeting toodler i would stay at home and ask parents to come to you instead!

why didn't you put him in the carseat or pushchair for his nap, then you could have taken him.I think it is pretty damn rude to your Mum tbh.

If my son or daughter in law rang to say their over-tired toddler was having a nap, and they might be a bit late - or, in fact, even if they rang to cancel - it would hardly ruin my day. I had four of my own, and believe me, naps are more crucial to parental mental health than popping round to Ma's for lunch.

Any reasonable grandparent would want what was best for their grandchild and for their own child. It isn't a formal meal arranged months in advance - how hard is it to make a bit of lunch for family? The OP has already said that it was likely to be salad; I expect it will taste just the same an hour or so later.

As for the "pfb" accusations - is it really so hard for adults to be a bit more flexible for a few years? To accept that babies and toddlers are unpredictable little things? Most of the extended families I know are happy to accommodate the needs of the younger members while they're tiny - isn't that what family is about? Does it really matter when lunch is served?

I don't see why that gives you the right to call me stupid!

Kaluki, if you really think this is of no consequence:

I am really struggling to run around after him too as I'm 8mo pg and have bad back pain/ braxton hicks, plus a UTI. Basically, we're both tired and frazzled.

then I reserve the right to call you stupid.

The way I see it family are the people you should make that extra bit of effort for.
I would never let my Mum down. She does so much for me so if II say I'm going there for lunch I go.

OP agreed to go. It is bad manners to phone at such short notice for such a feeble reason.
OP had a choice - she chose to go.
Her parents were probably looking forward to seeing her and ds since they had been on holiday.

I'm with babyboomersrock. If my child was in the OP's situation and phoned up like that I'd have said "tell you what, it's only salad, we could throw it in a tub and bring it round to you, have a sleep first and we'll be there at 1".

Olgaga - Well it didn't matter so much when they invited her did it or she would have said no!

You should of just invited your parents over to you instead?
Baby can sleep, you dont have to walk anywhere, they could bring the lunch with them they already had planned. No big deal?

How can anyone judge without knowing all the dynamics? If the OP does this on a regular basis, then that is unreasonable. If this is a one-off, then she is not being unreasonable.

As many have said, it was an informal lunch arrangement with parents who should understand how unpredictable things can be with small children. In that situation, if I genuinely wanted to let my child sleep, I would call and apologise, say I'll be there as soon as I can and explain why. IMO, the point is more about whether this happens regularly or if it's a one-off.

"The way I see it family are the people you should make that extra bit of effort for."

Exactly.

So if your heavily pregnant daughter calls to tell you she'll be a bit late for lunch because her toddler needs a nap, you make the extra bit of effort not to be a grumpy dick about it and tell her to come when it suits.

Shit, I'm 8 months pregnant and my parents are being so nice and helpful and accommodating.

You know, because they love me and they know it's tiring at this stage.

Ooh, I have enjoyed coming back to all these responses.

FWIW, I left my PFB sleeping until just before 1pm and woke him to go to my parents. He was so much better for a decent nap and I did apologise to my mum and my stepdad for delaying lunch when I arrived. Thankfully they weren't actually bothered in the least (or said not anyway) as they know what DS is like when he's overtired. We had a lovely lunch and a lovely afternoon and I'm seeing them both again tomorrow.

Some of these responses have made me

I'm 8 months pg with my pfb, so far (fingers crossed) I've had a relatively easy time, but if I were to ring my mum and say I was tired and wanted to postpone lunch I know she'd be concerned about me and want to rush round and see what she could do to help. That goes for my DSF too, they both would consider my health to be more important than a bit of frigging salad.

OP, I'm glad it worked out in the end.