To not wake grumpy DS from nap to take him to parents for lunch?

[Snowboarder]

My mum and stepdad are off this week having been on holiday abroad for the last fortnight. I rang this morning to see if I could pop up for a coffee this afternoon with 14 mo DS as we had missed them whilst they were off.

My stepdad rang back after we'd spoken to invite us for lunch instead, so far - so good.

We had no other plans so just been playing at home this morning although DS is very grumpy as he woke up early, is teething terribly and hasn't napped over the past few days. I am really struggling to run around after him too as I'm 8mo pg and have bad back pain/ braxton hicks, plus a UTI. Basically, we're both tired and frazzled.

DS had a tantrum about half an hour ago and after a long period of tears (his, not mine), he fell asleep. Although it's only half an hour from lunchtime I thought I'd put him down in his cot for a nap as a) he clearly needs one and b) I'd tried to get him to nap over the weekend with no joy - thought I'd make hay whilst the sun was shining!

Rang stepdad to say DS had just dropped off and I was reluctant to wake him, but that they could go ahead and have their lunch and we'd be up as soon as we can (live just 5 mins away). He was very narky saying 'how long will he be asleep?' (erm, no idea!)

So, given that DS is shattered and probably won't nap at my parents house AIBU not to wake him to make the lunch date. Btw lunch with my parents is usually salad so nothing that will spoil if not eaten immediately.

help me what is pfb ??

I think it is quite rude to phone up so soon before lunch to say you're going to be late. I think you should of asked if it be okay to arrive later rather than just telling them you're going to be late. I think it is pfb. If your baby is that tired they would just sleep at your in-laws. I've had to wake my little ones up loads of times because of my older kids having to go places etc. Definately pfb!

YABU - sorry.
It is just rude to phone and say you will be late but you don't know how late!
You should at least have given them a time. They might have gone to a lot of effort and are probably looking forward to seeing you.
I would have taken DS round there and let them fuss over him while I put my feet up and ate my lunch in peace!
Also when the baby is born you will have to get used to taking 2 grumpy toddlers out and about with you or you will be spending a LOT of time at home.

Imnotmymum - PFB = Precious First Born!!!!

For heaven's sake Journey, it's lunch, at home on a Monday - not a bloody garden party at the palace.

Why should a teething toddler who's had a crappy morning be disturbed to please a pair of grumpy 50 year olds? Why is that PFB?

I think FIL was rude and unsympathetic to OP, who is 8 months pregnant after all. They are lucky you are prepared to make any effort in the circumstances!

Thank you I was thinking alsorts some not as nice as that oh how my mind works!!

I would nap too if I were you. YANBU.

"They are lucky you are prepared to make any effort in the circumstances!"
Really???
She is only pregnant! Millions of women all over the world have babies in a lot more difficult circumstances than the OP.
She is invited for lunch at her parents 5 minutes drive away - an invitation which she had already accepted.
Pregnancy is not an excuse for bad manners!!!

Yanbu especially as you said they should go ahead with their lunch. Surely close family would understand. A grumpy toddler isn't much fun to be around anyway.

When I was pregnant with dd2, I lived for dd2's naps and I had an "easy" pregnancy. Hopefully you can get some rest yourself, op.

Life can't revolve around a toddler's naps. I can't believe how disrespectful people are to the host family. You get asked for lunch and then tell them you'll be late at very short notice because the baby is sleeping! All you needed to do was take the toddler round to your in-laws who would amuse him or he would fall asleep in his pushchair. Alternatively, you could of just asked if it would be okay to be late.

YANBU. At all.

YANBU. If it's a problem maybe lunch could have been brought over to you given the circumstances and that you're only 5 minutes away. But I don't think half an hour is an issue when you have a young child.

"She's only pregnant!"

Kaluki what a stupid comment. Why shouldn't women be given some consideration when they are pregnant? These people are her parents - I think they should be more accommodating and understanding.

"Millions of women all over the world have babies in a lot more difficult circumstances than the OP."

So bloody what? Hardly OP's fault.

"she's only pregnant!"

This is stupid. Yes, it's not an illness, blah blah, but when I was pg, I had bad SPD and aside from that at 8 months I really didn't have the energy to go anywhere or do anything. Being pg takes a lot out of you, and you do need a little extra consideration as it is hard.

My DM came to stay for a few days and totally understood and didn't mind just sitting around or amusing herself while I went for naps! This is the OP's family, they should be a lot more understanding IMO.

YANBU, it's only a casual lunch arrangement, no big deal to arrive at your mum's a little later.

..but the op was 8 months pregnant with symptoms when agreeing to lunch so the fact she is pregnant is irrelevant really. If the op was genuinely affected by her pregnancy why didn't she just say so at the time to her parents - thanks for the offer of lunch but I'll pass because it will be a bit much for me at the moment. I'm afraid it gets back to pfb and napping!!!!

I think it's the 'go ahead and have your lunch' bit that narked your stepdad, as it implies that you're not bothered about having lunch with them, and are disregarding the amount of effort they have put in to the occasion (even if it is only salad). Far better to have said 'I'm really looking forward to lunch, but DS is asleep, can we rearrange for 1.30 please?'

As for being pfb, well you probably are a bit, but he's only going to be your fb for another month, and thereafter will have to come second place to the needs of a newborn, so why not, good on ya!

You're only going to be a bit late, you're still going - I think they are making fuss for nothing really if they are annoyed by it. It's a casual thing, nipping round to your parents house and you live 5 min away the exact timings do not need to be set in stone!! yanbu

I don't understand why lunch couldnt just be delayed by an hour?

Let him sleep, they live 5 minutes away so its not a rare chance to see them! None of you will enjoy lunch with a grumpy ds, a couple of hours later you can have a lovely time together. No question!

Although i'd have rung and explained the situation and asked mum what to do and she'd have said come when he wakes up.

I'm afraid it gets back to pfb and napping!!!!

But taking into account the effect of dealing with a grumpy teething toddler when you are unwell yourself is not "PFB", and it's not "rude".

I don't know where this "PFB" thing comes from anyway. Having children is a learning curve and no-one seriously thinks the needs of their eldest child should be overlooked because some smug small-minded people sneer "PFB" at every opportunity.

Sometimes you just can't grit your teeth and get on with it, and sometimes the situation doesn't warrant it - such as a casually made informal lunch arrangement with your parents, who might be expected to show a little more understanding and compassion.

Then again, perhaps OP is the "PFB" !

So why agree to go there in the first place?
I'm sure your parents would have understood if you'd declined because you were tired / ds was grumpy.
The fact is you accepted the invitation and they are only a 5 minute drive so imo you should have woken ds up and gone.
Like I said pregnancy doesn't mean excuse bad manners!

Nightowl and olgaga - this is AIBU isn't it?
I think OP is BU and have every right to say why since that is the question she has asked. I don't see why that gives you the right to call me stupid!

Would your Mum be bothered by such a thing? I know I wouldn't be. YANBU.