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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding cake crash + SIL

68 replies

toomuchribbon · 10/06/2012 10:52

We are getting married in 3 weeks. My DP's brother-in-law's sister has a fledgling cake-making business (with a different day job).

She offered to make our wedding cake. Based on the two children's cakes we've seen, and the good things we heard from her brother, we said yes.

We met her, agreed a simple design. She had no photos of work, or reference photos from magazines, let alone cake samples to try etc - but I thought fine, she's just getting started and is going through a difficult time with her day job concurrently.

She took 4 weeks to send a quote, which is a standard price, not discounted. This is fine. But - she never replies to the few, simple, emails sent; for instance, our florist needed some details - she ignored it.
We asked for a pink-coloured sponge (god this is sounding pathetic) that's revealed when the cake is cut and she said she would try it and let us know as she had never done it before.
She never did let us know and I asked politely, nicely, twice, a few weeks later if she had managed to do so, which she has ignored.

I have even asked for photos for a friend who is looking for cakes for a wedding and a retirement; she won't send photos.

She has now emailed overnight to say that if we want to look for another quote that's "the normal thing to do" and she would understand, and that she is going away on holiday so can't send photos for my friend now. And still no mention of the damn pink sponge.

It was a leap of faith in the first place to take her on for the cake but I felt she deserved the trust - and how hard could the cake be etc. Now we are left three weeks before the wedding with no cake and yet another thing to organise. My DP thinks she has freaked out and realised she can't do it but won't say so. I don't know what the reason and in a way don't care, but I am pretty furious.

Of course I am sure we'll sort something out but AIBU to feel that I am right, to be pretty peeved at her and to go forth and find someone else for the cake? Of course there are family politics involved but I feel her behaviour negates usual loyalties - and we don't have much choice.

OP posts:
Lovecat · 10/06/2012 14:04

I've made a gorgeous pink cake for DD before which involves a packet of raspberry jelly crystals added to the cake batter - works surprisingly well and tastes really nice :)

If you're near East London/Essex, PM me!

samithesausage · 10/06/2012 14:07

Have you thought of trying an Asian cake shop? We have them near us and they can make really nice sponges to order. They even top them with loads of fruit and make them look lush!
I've always wanted a 3 tier krispie cake at my wedding, but I've always been a bit strange like that!

pumpkinsweetie · 10/06/2012 14:11

Pandemoniaa-thanx for introducing me to the cake wrecks website, it has made me really chuckleGrin

Pandemoniaa · 10/06/2012 14:21

Many happy hours can be spent pondering the sheer horrors committed in the name of cake baking, pumpkin!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 10/06/2012 14:22

If anyone says anything tell them that she told you to get quotes from someone else, you've tried to get in touch with her to find out why, she won't get back to you so you've had no choice but to go elsewhere. Make it clear that she was uncommunicative and that she was the one who told you to go elsewhere.

I think she's realised it's all a bit too much for her. She will have read one of those "I made a £million in my kitchen making biscuits on sticks, all while caring for my fifteen children and only working half an hour a week" stories in a Sunday supplement and decided that she was born to be the next Jane Asher.

If it helps (which it won't) my cousin made a big deal about starting a sweetie tree business and bullied me into buying one kept dropping hints about me getting one for DS's birthday party. I did order one from her and it was fantastic, lots of other parents at the party and lots of Facebook friends who saw the photos were asking about it and where they could order one from. Cousin had asked me to promote her business too so I talked her up a lot. Then I got in touch with her to tell her that she had a lot of potential customers and was met with a pained silence and then a "oh well...I'm not doing them anymore, it was a lot of work and I don't drive and it's hard to find the supplies..." Her only two customers were me and her brother. Families do this kind of thing all the time, you don't owe her any loyalty and you'll do just as well buying a cake from the supermarket and putting your own decorations on it.

nutellaontoast · 10/06/2012 14:40

Ooooh the M&S ones are lush, but if it's a fancypants one you want best to get your order in now. Personally I vote for cheese though!

We had the trad fruitcake from them for our wedding and it was really nice.

ivykaty44 · 10/06/2012 14:44

She has now emailed overnight to say thatif we want to look for another quote that's "the normal thing to do" and she would understand, and that she is going away on holiday so can't send photos for my friend now. And still no mention of the damn pink sponge.

It means I don't want to make your wedding cake

I want to get out of making this wedding cake - please get someone else to make it

TupperwareTwat · 10/06/2012 14:55

You'd better get someone else to make your pink wedding cake pronto - otherwise the whole world could explode

BoffinMum · 10/06/2012 15:37

I had the profiterole cake at my wedding - it's called a croque en bouche and it works really well!

toomuchribbon · 10/06/2012 15:40

Ah you are all brilliant - thank you : )

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes, yes exactly! And the blessed sweetie tree says it all. Families and enterprise is just not a mix.

Lovecat, thanks so much. I am London but not East (North bordering on Herts) - perhaps a bit far, grr?

MammaTJ, that would be wonderful, thank you. I am in North London/Herts but the wedding is Cotswolds end of Wiltshire (North) - so if there was a willing cake maker in either, I guess?
We could arrange transport no problem and I can speak to anyone pronto if that helps. Thank you so much.

blueberryboybait, thank you so much - just had a look at your pictures - wow!! As above, I'm North London/Herts but ze weddink is in Wiltshire: I'm not sure where you are?

OP posts:
blueberryboybait · 10/06/2012 16:02

I am in Wiltshire, if you are interested PM me and i'll send you my website details.

blueberryboybait · 10/06/2012 16:06

MammaTJ - Thank you Blush

MammaTJ · 10/06/2012 18:00

Right, I'm on it!

lazarusb · 10/06/2012 19:00

You can buy ready made edible flowers from the Cake Craft Company online (sorry - shit with links!) and they can be placed on your ready made cakes if you choose to go down that route.

Imnotaslimjim · 10/06/2012 19:23

I was just about to offer to help too, but I'm in Lancs so too far

What a pain in the arse she is though!! She should have been straight with you from the start. Pink cake isn't THAT difficult - cochinieal doesn't bake out as easily.

I think PP are right, she's bottled on the cake and hasn't the heart to say. And what caker doesn't have previous work photographed??

toomuchribbon · 10/06/2012 20:37

Lazarusb, thank you, they look great.

Imnotaslimjim, cheers for the support - yes, I am not sure if it was the pinkness that put her off or what - I did say only if poss, etc. Not THAT eager for the pink!
In hindsight I should have realised a lot earlier she wasn't up to it (no photos etc). Anyway, thanks so much again for the offer, I'm guessing the closer you are to me/cake venue the better, really? - but thank you : )

OP posts:
loflo · 10/06/2012 20:37

Another m & s fan here - hired a lovely silver stand and our florist decorated it with fresh flowers - 'twas lovely and 15 years ago - sigh

MammaTJ · 11/06/2012 04:15

Toomuch ribbon, can't seem to pm you! Can you pm me? Maybe I will be able to reply.

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