To be pissed off that exp is moving his new gf in, next door?

[froggies]

We split up 15months ago after a 12 year relationship, have we have 2dd's (3&6) and I have ds (15). We owned two houses, next door to each other, so he got the smaller finished one, I got the larger,half renovated one. He sees DD's one overnight midweek, one overnight and one day every weekend. He refuses to see DS, and vv.
There is history of EA and his abuse towards DS.
He introduced DD's to new gf in feb, (he didn't tell me he was gong to do this, or that he had done it, I only found out when DD1 told me, after half an hours hysterical crying from DD2 on there return one weekend).
Last week he announced his engagement on fb, and told DD's, but again no word to me.
Today DD told me gf is moving I with him. I am, to say the least, feeling a wee bit stressed about the whole thing.

Am I unreasonable in thinking he is an insensitive, unreasonable, arsehole, towards DD's, his new fiancé, and me?

Kind of feel like going and bashing something, really really hard.

OldLady, cheers my dears :)

:)

Don't have much of use to add, but can I suggest 'Dickhead' by Kate Nash for your playlist?

You should be entitled to more than half if you're bearing the brunt of the childcare costs financially and time wise. He sounds like a dick, support your kids as best you can and move out asap.

I had naively assumed your DS didn't want to see Ex. What an arsehole! Won't be good for the girls either :-(

If you half own the house next door too, wtf is he doing moving someone into YOUR home???
He's an insensitive prick of the highest order!
I suggest you try finish renovating the home you live in, and rent somewhere else.

You sound pretty sorted I have to say. You have a good plan. He sounds like an idiot whose life will spiral out of control while you're getting yours back together. The best revenge in the end will be having a lovely life while he continues to mess his up. I'm glad your DD's like the new gf. Perhaps if she's nice she will be a good influence on him. You can live in hope. Nothing you can do about him, just be there for your DDs. Once they are old enough they may well decide not to see him anymore anyway.

well, what a load of tripe a lot of your first replies were. Too many of them imo (you expect the one or maybe two but in they piled). I do get so tired of the 'none of your business' gremlins. Tiresome.

shocking emotional abuse towards all of you. What does your womens aid person say about it? Do you have legal representation?

Probably talking bollocks here, but if you own half the house he is living in, can you not make a legal objection to him moving someone else in?

Long term the girls will lose an incredible amount of respect for him over the way he's treating your son. He'll wind up lonely. It's also a massive red flag to the new GF - anyone with common sense would walk away after witnessing his treatment of your son, so I'm afraid I don't have a lot of sympathy if she chooses to pin her flag to his mast.

Your health and long term emotional stabiity are more important than cash at this point as he just doesn't sound fit to be sole carer for the children. Continue to take the high ground as if you wait long enough you will be around long enough to see Karma dispense justice .

May I suggest lots of early morning drilling etc as part of your renovations, or would that be childish?!

Pointless, sadly, the houses aren't that close.

Lol, I don't know if I can object about her moving in, in all honesty I think it might be like whacking a hornets nest with a big stick. I suspect he will have given the story of DS doing the teenage rebellion bit, and undoubtably will be laying a lot of blame for the brake down of our realtionship on DS's behaviour and my reactions to it all, and gf will have fallen for it, (just as I fell for the story of him being devastated at not seeing his eldest daughter because his ex wife is such a bitch) he comes across as such a nice, helpful, practical and down to earth person when you meet him, so I do have total understanding for why gf has shacked up with him.

Sausagedog, soon I shall be needing to do something with the garden, a large DIGGER will be required :-D

The only solicitor I have at the moment is to sort the mortgage/house stuff. Once this is done though, I should qualify for legal aid as my capital becomes way less, owning one house which I live in... Then I shall be looking at getting a residents order, because I suspect he will kick off big style when I move, and I don't want him to demand to keep the girls in the same school and so living with him.

Yes, he's an insensitive prick, how horrible he's being to your son too

It's great that you have a plan, keep focused on it and try to carry on as if they aren't there, hard though I'm sure.

As for the girlfriend, why on earth would she want to move in with a man next door to his relatively recent ex? I wouldn't want to.

Unless you have evidence to the contrary I assume his new g/f is actually nice and normal and just deceived by him. In which case be positive about her and hope she helps him move on and sort out the finances asap.

Ultimately can assure and reassure your ds that your ex is refusing to see him because he is angry and wants to hurt you and he knows that is the way to do it and at some point in the future he will do something very hurtful to his sisters also just to hurt you

dont know if its been asked already, but why was a 3 year old hysterical at meeting her dad's friend

I agree with being positive about the girlfriend RandomMess , but not about telling the son what you have said there, - this will only alienate him even more and pass the blame to him (in his mind) if indeed the ex does anything hurtful to his sisters.

Bad idea.

(sorry if i have misread your intention there)

My intention was for her to reassure her son that the problem is about her ex getting back at her by using him. Anyway he is seeing experts so hopefully they will help guide the op and her ds the best and right way.

Ops ex is a complete arse, nasty and mean and is going to end up hurting his dds so much

I don't know the gf at all. One of my friends knows her sister, who says she is rather high maintenance and controlling (won't that be interesting?) but that could easily be the sister having sour grapes as I don't know her either. The girls like her, and say she is happy, so that its fine, not that I could do anything aout it if they hated her anyway!

I have no idea why DD2 was so upset, but within seconds of him shutting the door after he dropped them off, she was wailing and screaming for him, while DD1 bounced off the walls shouting at me. After a good half an hour of cuddling her and trying to calm DD1, she settled. Later that evening DD1 told me 'daddy's new girlfriend is called....' DD2 was clingy to me (not wanting to go into nursery etc, which she had never done before) and asked after him way more than she ever had done before for weeks after this, but now she seems totally settled again. I put it down to her feeling pushed out, he spoils her rotten and she adores him, to the point that it increases friction between the girls noticeably on their return.

Over the next dozen contacts visits, after being introduced to her for the first time gf was there for at least part of the time at 9 of them, and stayed overnight with them I think 3 times. This was just before DD2 refused to go to his. His comment to me was 'she has been increasingly stroppy the last few weeks, I don't know what is happening at your house' since then gf has been there with them less, so I had hoped perhaps she had had a think about how fast things are going, but then they announced the engagement.

DS is under no illusions as to the nature of ex's behaviour. Before we split up, he said in front of DS, and I quote 'if we split up, I will take the girls and idiot boy can stay with you'

Yuk, what an utter knob.

I bet your dds will be giving him a run for his money they will be playing him up chronic, how long before he doesn't want to see his least favourite

In case it helps any re future residency order worries once you move. Family courts are almost obsessed with keeping sibling groups together & they will very much view the 3 children as a single "unit" for any residency decsions they make.

This basically means his disgusting attitude to DS WILL bite him in the arse grand style in relation to any hopes he has of getting full custody of your girls once the CAFCASS brigade come calling.

I am very sure that he wouldn't be given residency, but would rather get it sorted legally before I move to prevent as much stress as possible when we do actually go.

When he as still here, DD1 used to delight in getting DS into trouble with him as an effective method of removing crap from her. When he moved out she continued this tactic, but without me there to attempt to mediate, he put 2&2 together and made 5. This ended up with him calling the police and reporting DS for abuse against DD1. Police and social work came in, DS got carted off to the police station, DD1 wasn't allowed to come home until he had been taken, it was awful.

The end result of it all was the police investigating ex for abuse against DS, but there isn't enough evidence to take it to court. A report has been filed to the procurator fiscal, so if he contests anything, or indeed makes a move for residency himself it will come back to bite him big style.

How utterly awful for you and the dc