to expect at least a curtosy text message?

[ithastobeNAICEham]

Bit of a back story here: me and my DD's father broke up when she was three months old. Ever since then he has given me maintenance for her every other thursday and has only missed payments when he has been out of work and couldn't afford to give me anything, instead his wife (married when my DD was 2) gave me half of what he paid me and my DDs dad would get her anything she needed (and get a tenners worth of shopping for my home a week. More than acceptable and up until yesterday there has only ever been one instance where he hasn't done what was arranged and one time where he didn't bacs transfer the money over.

So far very acceptable... However, yesterday was my DD's birthday and the day where I was expecting the maintenance. As I've had some personal finance issues over the past few weeks I've not been able to put any money away for her birthday. So I budgeted putting this payment away and taking her for a pamper day (she turned 8 and is getting into things like having her nails painted, having a style in her hair etc).

Early yesterday I went on to internet banking to transfer some money in from another account and the maintenance wasn't there... I phoned her dad for an explanation and he told me that he wasn't getting paid this week due to some reason and he wouldn't be able to transfer anything until monday... I asked him if he knew he wasn't getting paid and he said "yeh, of course" so I asked him why he didn't let me know? He said he had thought about it but decided against it. I have made him aware of the situation I am in and when he saw out DD this weekend I asked him if he wanted to contribute to any of our plans and he agreed to pay towards having her ears pierced and said he would 'just lump it in with thursdays money'

Needless to say, yesterday my DD was upset that we had to spend all morning trying and begging family to help and luckily I managed to get enough money towards the day and we had a good day in the end.

I'm just peeved that she very nearly didn't get the day she wanted, thanks to her father being an idiot...

Sorry this is so long and ranty, but I don't think I am bu to expect to made awaare of things like this??

Yanbu to expect a text as you say it is courtesy!

Yanbu to rely on the maintenance money either though it is unfortunate timing that it fell through this time. As difficult as it is, and I am in the same nosy here but try in future to budget without it just incase. I know how difficult it can be though.

I don't think yabu to borrow from family either, family are there to support each other through unexpected hard times.

Finally Yanbu to spend 40 on a birthday. I spend much more even though it means saving for a long time inbetween.

Can you set up a so of a small sum each week/month so it leaves your account on pay day. That way you never have it to spend and you get used to living without it. Even just the odds from your account so if you got for example 63 pounds a week, just have the 3 pounds going straight into a saving account.

Damn - I am not getting angry, I just felt like I had to clarify a few points, that I didn't in my OP. My fault entirely.

Lurking - I am very grateful that her dad pays and still has something to do with her, I know through personal experience it is all too easy to just walk away and not bother.

Rachog - it is something I normally do, I'll work out how much I have to pay bills, get shopping and then budget for a fiver a day to cover basics (emergencys like running out of bread and milk etc) and what ever is left over I place in my savings. Due to the past couple of months, I've been unable to do this.

Ah well, it just sounds like a bad turn of circumstances for you both and perhaps not the best communication either.

Perhaps communicate this to your ex DH and with any luck, you won't find yourself in this situation again.

Hope your DD had a lovely day.

Sounds like your on top if things and its just been a tough time. Hope things are getting back on track for you.

Glad your daughter had a good day in the end.

meh. I don't get this 'he sounds lovely', 'be grateful he pays' stuff from people.

Paying what you can afford for your child, even when this is above the amount the CSA sets isn't something honourable or lovely. He may be lovely but it's nothing to do with financially supporting his own child. That should be the very very minimum a non-resident parent does. The people who don't are crap and have no morals, it doesn't make the people who do automatically lovely.

(please go back and read the bit where I say he may well be lovely if you're about to say I'm being unfair to him. I'm talking generally)

He sounds a bit of a twat. Make sure he coughs up when DD gets her first tattoo.