AIBU and selfish or is dp re sleeping

[tittytittyhanghang]

Dp works a physical job. He gets up at four and isn't home till about 4 including an hours commute. I work part time in the mornings from 9 till 1. Im up at 7 dealing with the dcs and then at 1 i collect dc2 (18months) and pretty much do the majority of the childcare until they go to bed (id probably say 90-95%). Although my work isn't physically tiring its mentally tiring and then am physically worn out running after kids rest of day.

Any way, dc2 has decided that for the last 3 weeks, every night he is gonna wake up crying. Good nights are only once or twice, bad nights maybe up to ten times. I deal him solely. He might wake both dp and i up, but dp goes back to sleep and i am the one who has to get up and deal with him. (I did try and let him cry it out one night but felt guilty after 10 mins when I heard upstairs neighbour waking up with his crying at 3 in the morning!). I am hoping on my knees praying to God that this will just be a phase that he is going through.

I am knackered. Absolutely knackered. Asked dp if he would mind getting up to deal with dc2 tonight as I needed some sleep to me told that I am being really selfish and apparently unreasonable, based on the fact that he works longer and his job is extremely hard graft. AIBU???

Phenergan is an antihistamine and we were prescribed it when dd (then 18 months) had a chest infection. I don't think you need a prescription. It has the added advantage of making the child drowsy so there's a double benefit.

We cosleep with dd although dh mostly sleeps in the spare room cos I can't bear his snoring with her cot next to the bed. There's no side on the cot so it's like she's in the bed. Could you move dc's cot back into the room?

I reckon sleep is one thing that most parents of small children fight over. This too shall pass.

As I see it, the best way forward at the moment is that you do the night wakings during the week (4am is honestly an unGodly hour to wake, so your DH would struggle with night times during the week) and, at the weekends, your DH does one night and has a lie in that morning and vice versa. I do think that midday is way more than a lie in and is more akin to the wakings of a student in a drunken stupor, but 8-9am should be enough to recharge the batteries.

I feel your pain - I am a SAHM at the moment, but go to college in Sept. DS (12mth) wakes at least 8 times a night and I am utterly exhausted, DD (4yo) wakes at 6am most mornings. I do all the night wakings as DS is bf, but DH wakes with DD at weekends and takes DS at around 6:30am, so I get another couple of hours sleep. I can honestly say I have had weeks where I have slept less than 3hrs a night. Why, oh why do I breed vampires non sleeping children?

This too shall pass, but it'll be a hell of a lot more bearable until it does if DP pulls his weight. I think you need to give up on 12noon lie ins (bet you're regretting even mentioning them!) and even on expecting his help overnight, but you definitely need to negotiate an evening /weekend situation that allows you a decent break.

thanks for all the replies, shall take all on board, especially the drowsy antihistimanes considering going down to tescos right now to see what they have in stock.

I took DD to the doctors when I suspected hayfever before she was two and they prescribed antihistamines.

As for the children, I grabbed daytime naps wherever I could as a single mum to two, to make the night waking easier. Part of what makes is harder is the resentment that builds up if there's another person not pulling their weight. I don't know what to suggest though as I never solved the problem and we split in the end.

I think the issue here is not the sleep really; it's the fact that your DH thinks he can absolve himself of responsibility for his child and that you will do everything that needs doing in the house. I think, as he gets up at 4am, that it's probably fairer that you should get up for the night wakings, but it's grossly unfair that he gets in from work and sits there whilst you do everything, and even does the same thing at weekends. I would be looking to tackle that issue if I were you. His behaviour is disrespectful.

I think it's disgraceful the way many men think that because they have a paid job that they can then sit and do as they wish whilst their wife/partner acts like a skivvy, and I'm amazed that there are some poster on here that think that kind of think is OK!!

I agree with your DP about lie ins.

Have reread your subsequent posts. Whilst I think your DH shouldn't be doing the night wakings when he's working, I also agree with Hexagonal that your DH doesn't appear to be pulling his weight when he is there on evenings and weekends. Why is pretty much all of the housework and childcare left to you? You both work and, even if you were a SAHM like I am, it is only right that he pulls his weight when he is at home. I imagine that, if your DH was to 'help' (God, I hate that word - it's not helping, its just part of being a parent and an adult!) more during these times, you would probably feel far less exhausted and more able to cope with the nights.

Your DH needs to realise that his right to rest and relaxation does not supercede yours and, at the moment, he is treating you very unfairly.