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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a servant

48 replies

Inedit · 07/06/2012 20:54

DS being particularly demanding
DH just seems to do his own thing

Was I put on this earth just to do stuff for them?

OP posts:
AuntLucyInPeru · 07/06/2012 20:55

I'm happy to e sympathetic but you're going to have to give some more detail...

Hassled · 07/06/2012 20:57

No, that's not why you were put on this earth. Have you talked to your DH about how it makes you feel? How old is your DS?

Shakey1500 · 07/06/2012 20:57

Only if you behave like one?

rainbowinthesky · 07/06/2012 20:59

Depends really on what your role is. Need more detail.

rainydaysarebad · 07/06/2012 20:59

I've been feeling like this lately. I can't remember the last time I went to town and bought something for ME on my own. I seem to sacrifice a lot and get nothing back

everlong · 07/06/2012 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowinthesky · 07/06/2012 21:00

Why raindaysarebad? Surely you are somewhat responsible for this too? Unless you have an abusive partner.

Original poster
Inedit · 07/06/2012 21:21

DS is 4.5

Recently his behaviour and attitude has been a bit demanding. Almost ordering me around
Talked to him about asking nicely and mummy can't do everything immediately etc. He usually gets these things after a couple of days, but he wants me to do everything for him, right now

Dh was on a buisness trip last week and is away again tomorrow. Just feel like I've done a lot of organising for him for not much thanks.
He actually put the phone down on me yesterday after he called me to day that he couldn't deal with something right now. I was doing his taxes fgs

OP posts:
everlong · 07/06/2012 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Inedit · 07/06/2012 21:43

No I don't let him
I'm doing everything I can to tell him it's not acceptable.
It's only been the last couple of days

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 07/06/2012 21:44

Don't do your DHs taxes then, he can do it himself or pay an accountant if he isn't going to at least be grateful for your help. Your DS is probably just following the way his dad treats you.

motherinferior · 07/06/2012 21:47

Why on earth are you organising things for your DP? My DP doesn't organise my trips away or do my taxes.

everlong · 07/06/2012 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Inedit · 07/06/2012 21:53

Er, because he needs a bit of help because he works 80 hours a week and has been away a lot recently
I'm not actually doing his taxes, just getting the documents together. I was emailing the bank for copy statements
He did apologise afterwards and he is appreciative sometimes
I guess I just feel a bit lonely and like my life is all theirs

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 07/06/2012 21:57

My point still stands. If your DH takes you for granted its not surprising your DS is starting to act that way too. How many hours do you work btw? Presumably while he is away then your workload re childcare, house etc increases?

Original poster
Inedit · 07/06/2012 22:02

I don't work
He does nothing re house and childcare so that stays the same

I get your point about DS CVB, it makes sense
DS doesn't actually see that much of dh

OP posts:
NannyPlumIsMyMum · 07/06/2012 22:04

inedit I feel exactly the same :-(

motherinferior · 07/06/2012 22:05

I have to say that it does sound as if the reason he is able to work 80 hours a week is because you are making that possible. Which is I suppose fine if you want that balance in your domestic life and responsibilities, but does mean you're doing all the backup work and makes it much more likely you will be taken for granted. If my partner sorted out my travel arrangements and bank statements I'd find it hard not to take him for granted, really.

MarySA · 07/06/2012 22:07

If I worked 80 hours a week and was away from home a lot I'd be feeling hard done by too. I think you need to discuss all this with him. And see what you can work out re work/life balance.

ceeveebee · 07/06/2012 22:09

Inedit, but you do work. Without your contribution your DH could not do his job. He would have to employ a live in nanny, a cook, a cleaner, and from the sounds of it a PA/accountant too. You probably put in many more hours than him without any proper breaks (although I'm guessing your DS is now at school so perhaps you do have a bit more downtime).

I'm in the same boat btw, my DH is out 7am to 8pm most days and we have 7mo twins. He does nothing round the house either, but I refused to be the house servant so we outsource as much as we can.

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/06/2012 22:14

Stupid man. He needs to understand that the only reason he is able to work 80 hours a week and go away a lot and have children is because you make it possible for this to happen.

everlong · 07/06/2012 22:27

This reply has been deleted

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AThingInYourLife · 07/06/2012 22:33

DD1 is 4.2 and she treats me and her Dad like servants at times.

ceeveebee · 07/06/2012 22:34

Yes, but it doesn't mean he has to take her for granted, he can at least show appreciation. Bet he never asks about her day either and wants to spend whole weekend unwinding (sorry for making assumptions if I'm projecting my own issues onto your thread!)

everlong · 07/06/2012 22:38

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