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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have been consulted...

77 replies

Bearhugs43 · 07/06/2012 15:08

Before ILs gave DH a skydive voucher for his birthday?

We have 3 dc under 7 and an 21wks pg with dc4. I don't know whether this is hormones blowing risk out of proportion....

Am severely miffed because the idea of even a tiny risk is too much right now! So...AIBU??

OP posts:
VonNeurosis · 07/06/2012 17:02

Perception of risk is a funny old thing, Skydiving really isn't any more risky than Running, Cycling or Swmming.

www.medicine.ox.ac.uk/bandolier/booth/risk/sports.html

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/06/2012 17:02

Well, I used to want to do a bunjee jump but wouldn't even consider it now DD is here, so I say YANBU.

Whatmeworry · 07/06/2012 17:07

What VonNeurosis said.

Be thankful they didn't buy him a car - now that's dangerous!

DontCallMeYourMajesty · 07/06/2012 17:07

Ephiny - age or health-related. I got DH's for this 40th and he has to have a medical as he's 40+ - I'd have got it for his 39th if I'd known, the surgery is utterly perplexed by his request to sign a form (he knows he'll have to pay).

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 17:09

Aw bless you, defo just your hormones. It's understandable though :) x

controlpantsandgladrags · 07/06/2012 17:22

If its a tandem jump yabu. If its not a tandem jump yanbu...I did one of these, broke my ankle on landing and had to have surgery, and was in plaster for 8 weeks and on crutches for another 4 weeks after that. I couldn't look after myself, never mind young dc and a pregnant wife.

Flimflammery · 07/06/2012 17:27

I can't believe all the people patronising you and blaming hormones. My DH used to skydive, a lot. He stopped completely when we had kids, as he said the risk was too great. Admittedly that wasn't tandem jumps, but still. The difference between skydiving risk and driving a car to work risk, is that if something goes wrong skydiving, you've had it (if your reserve chute fails, you've got the rest of your life to try to fix it, to paraphrase a quote). A car crash is not necessarily fatal. Nor is food poisoning.

YANBU

Guiltypleasures001 · 07/06/2012 17:28

A bit left field here, I dont think its about the present, I wouldnt mind hearing more of the excluded from insurance pay out loss of home and livelyhood?

is there something else on your mind op that might need sorting in your eyes?

cutegorilla · 07/06/2012 18:54

I think it's fairly standard for high risk activities to be excluded from insurance.

OP YANBU to be worried. Talk it through with your DH and see what he feels about it.

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 18:59

She's NU to be worried, she is being unreasonable if she thinks she should be consulted first.

hugglymugly · 07/06/2012 20:14

Bearhugs - I agree with you. To me, it sounds an incredibly silly idea on the part of your ILs. It doesn't really matter if the statistics show the risk of death to be low (and those figures don't compare with more common activities because the population numbers are significantly less). The point is that your DH is about to become a father for the fourth time. Do they still see him as an 18-year-old dare-devil rather than a mature, sensible, adult?

knowitallstrikesagain · 07/06/2012 20:57

If the statistics are as quoted on here by reliable websites, giving birth has a higher mortality rate than skydiving. So why do people have children? It is a selfish want, and by doing this you are basically 'risking your life for a cheap thrill' (assuming you have fun in the actual baby making process Wink )

Ephiny · 07/06/2012 21:15

The risks quoted are fatalities per 1000 jumps (from which you might infer the probability of a single jump proving fatal) so not affected by population numbers. It can be difficult to make reliable comparisons between the statistics for activities like this given that the absolute numbers involved are tiny, but we do know that the risk is very very small indeed.

The risk of an injury occurring is somewhat higher (though still well under 1%) but this of course includes minor injuries such as scrapes and bruises, and the risk of a serious injury is very small, especially if it's a tandem jump with an experienced instructor.

If you're going skydiving regularly, and doing several solo jumps a day, and pushing yourself to do more fancy stuff, then the risks are going to increase a bit. But as a one-off it is hardly worth worrying about, nothing in life is 100% safe and you likely do riskier things every day without giving it a second thought.

RightBuggerforit · 07/06/2012 21:16

Yanbu. I have no idea why anyone would buy someone a 'present' of being chucked out of a plane! If something goes wrong you are fucked, why would you take that risk, what's the gain? I really don't get it and I wouldn't want my dh to do it. What does your oh think, does he even fancy it?

Krumbum · 07/06/2012 21:21

Yanbu. Why would they give him that? You are obviously going to worry as his pregnant wife. It may be technically safe but it's still something that will cause unnessecary stress and worry because it naturally feels like a dangerous thing to do. I think they should have thought for one second about yours and the kids feelings.

Ephiny · 07/06/2012 21:42

I do agree it's a bit of an strange present, unless the person had expressed interest in doing such a thing. Many people would (quite understandably!) consider it an unpleasant and terrifying experience and wouldn't do it if you paid them.

Does he actually want to do it? Can the voucher be given/sold to someone else or refunded if he doesn't, or would they have wasted their money?

BarredfromhavingStella · 07/06/2012 21:48

YABU-extreme sports,meh, hubby & I both dive (in water not the sky Grin ) & he went on a dive hol whilst I was pregnant with dd & after she was born, didn't give it a seccond thought other than being royally pissed that he was in Egypt & I was stuck in England Angry. Stop overthinking this-when your numbers up, it's up.

unobtanium · 07/06/2012 21:48

YANBU because an old school friend of mine did this years ago, and both her chutes failed to open. Her first solo jump.

So even though I cross roads, drive cars, ride horses (some of them very naughty), and even paraglide, I do not sky dive, and would not want my hubby to do so.

Aware this may seem irrational.

Springforward · 07/06/2012 22:03

YAN really BU IMHO. I agree with previous posters that the absolute risk is low, but it wouldn't have hurt the ILs to see if you minded, given your pregnancy. In your shoes i'd be a bit miffed I think, because it would worry me, and for a non-essential thing IYSWIM.

Original poster
Bearhugs43 · 07/06/2012 22:36

Thanks for all the replies. DH was/is pleased at the gift but doesn't want to do it if it worries me. We have agreed to look at it again once dc4 is here.

The poster who thought there was more to it re: finances- I would think that although the thought of losing my DH and best friend and my dc father whilst they are all tiny is obviously what is causing me anxiety, I can't (thank god) comprehend the reality of that. I can comprehend though the thought of my family losing our home and only income which would also occur should he (god forbid) be killed falling from a plane.

There is nothing more to it. The whole thing is bloody horrendous to contemplate regardless of how small the risk may statistically be (esp to someone who has been a lifelong risk hater and who sees the whole concept of unnecessary risk as stupid, pointless and irresponsible when you have dependents)

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/06/2012 22:42

YABU, but I would be exactly like you are being now, and I'm not pregnant, but I have done two skydives.

It's really safe, much safer than getting in your car every day. If you can rely on your car not to fail while you are doing 80mph down the motorway, then you can rely on a parachute and a spare not to fail.

The guys that do these tandem skydives are amazing, very well trained.

Krumbum · 07/06/2012 22:53

It's very strange that so many of you think the op is being unreasonable. It may be low risk but it is jumping out a plane for literally no reason. It goes against all survival instincts! I'd be terrified if my fiancée suggested this and very against it. And he actually cares about me so would not want to do something that would really upset me, even more so when it is something so pointless. And saying childbirth is more risky is ridiculous, yes it can be risky but there is a real purpose for it, having a baby is important and wonderful for so many people. Jumping out of a plane is not a profoundly lifechanging experience it's just a stupid 'sport'.

halcyondays · 07/06/2012 23:11

Yanbu and it's a strange present to give someone unless they've expressed n interest.

Tiddlyompompom · 07/06/2012 23:21

I don't think your inlaws were BU, though it was a thoughtless gift IMO.
However, I'm glad to hear your DH won't do it unless you're happy, as frankly I think he WBU if he went ahead knowing your feelings. Being given a voucher doesn't mean he has to do it, he could even return it so his parents could get a refund.

Now i have DS, I am never going to willingly jump out of a plane. Likewise I will never get in a car with a drink driver, or step into the road without looking. I don't care what the statistics for death and injury are - someone has to be that 1%, and why on earth would I volunteer? You can't just jump back into the plane if you change your mind halfway down.

Christelle2207 · 07/06/2012 23:31

I though you were talking about the dc! In that case yabu though I would personally not want to watch dh jump out of a plane. Mind you. I skydives once and highly recommend it!