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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think weddings don't need to be dragged out....

50 replies

bitingteeth · 07/06/2012 15:02

I enjoy a wedding as much as the next person, but am becoming increasingly bemused by rise in couples who are expecting guests to come to another lunch/BBQ/buffet the day AFTER the celebrations. I expect the rationale is to see a bit more of people perhaps. Maybe I am just being antisocial, but I made enough small talk at the wedding, why does everyone need to get together again. I think one day/night is enough. Why does it need to be dragged out to another day?

OP posts:

YouOldSlag · 07/06/2012 15:07

YANBU if the wedding is within easy travelling distance or in this country. YABU if guests have travelled abroad for the wedding.

Proudnscary · 07/06/2012 15:08

YANBU

There again, you can just politely decline.

It's like everything with weddings these days - hen do's/stag do's are now week long holidays abroad instead of a night down the boozer, the whole days is expected to be an all singing, all dancing extravaganza...

fruitysummer · 07/06/2012 15:09

I agree, I have friends doing this, later this month I don't understand why as they are inviting everyone to their wedding. I presume it's the new thing???

However having said that several years ago other friends did this. Got married on the Saturday and had another party on the Sunday. They had a good reason though, both B & G worked in busy and popular restaurants and we couldn't all have a Saturday night off to attend but we could on the Sunday as they closed.

Mrsjay · 07/06/2012 15:09

i haven't heard of after wedding day days is it a new fad ? when my friend got married she did sort a table for those in the hotel to have breakfast together, but i couldnt be arsed going to something like lunch smacks of wanting more attention to me

Mrsjay · 07/06/2012 15:11

Dh is just back from a stag weekend abroad he was very hungover tired and skint all in hotel but the others wanted to go out, then there is a before wedding meal then the wedding itself we are going to be bankrupt by the time the wedding comes

GinPalace · 07/06/2012 15:11

We did this, the wedding stuff didn't start till 3pm so not hogging whole weekend.
The next day was just for people who didn't want to end the fun (including us) and had travelled miles and miles and wanted to get more out of it.
Also meant we could chat more to those we didn't see much of, as although we saw everyone at the wedding a quick pleasantries type conversation isn't the same as a leisurely lunch.
It was also optional not expected. :)

Cockwomble · 07/06/2012 15:14

YABU, The Wedding must occur for at least a week, the bride and groom MUST pay for everything, especially a free bar, but I would refuse to go if they even hinted at any expectation of a gift - how bloody rude.

Guests should conform to a dress code if required. I am on the fence about inviting children or not .

urbanturban · 07/06/2012 15:14

YABU, it's normally a great laugh and a chance to relive funny and embarrassing moments from the night before - and get a hair of the dog for the hangover!

We have been to a few of these and enjoyed them!

bigjoeent · 07/06/2012 15:15

We did an evening buffet the night before our wedding because a lot of people were travelling some distance and staying overnight and we thought it be helpful so that they didn't have to arrange anything. Also, it meant we could see more of people as you don't actually get to talk to people much on the day. Not compulsory though. The day after though I just want to go home.

misslinnet · 07/06/2012 15:23

YANBU.

SIL had family meal the night before her wedding (for immediate family), big wedding ceremony next day followed by small evening reception for extended family, followed by ceilidh the next evening with 200 guests, followed by photoshoot the next day which family were expected to attend.

We were absolutely exhausted by the end of it.

The wedding venues were all within about 10 miles of SILs house btw.

misslinnet · 07/06/2012 15:24

Although casual optional evening buffet on night before wedding, and optional joint breakfast for those staying in the same hotel as the bride & groom isn't unreasonable.

slowestwildebeast · 07/06/2012 15:25

I never understand the whole dragged out wedding scenario regardless.

The thought of spending an entire day with people staring at me is truly awful, coupled with feeding random relatives and +1's to attend this hideous day, it would be my idea of hell.

YANBU but I say why even have 1 day, just scrap the lot.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/06/2012 15:26

You are lucky not to live in Canada. I was subjected to a 'present opening' the day after my wedding. Excruciating for me and the UK guests. I wanted to relax recover from the hangover.

Ephiny · 07/06/2012 15:28

We met up with a couple of friends for the morning and for lunch the next day before they travelled home, as they were staying overnight in a hotel anyway, and we don't get to see them very often so thought it would be nice to spend some time together. I hope they didn't see it as 'dragging things out'.

I assume you don't have to see the couple the next day if you don't want to, or it isn't convenient. Just politely decline. It's just nice sometimes to make the most of everyone being in the same area, especially if you live quite distant from family/friends.

MrsSnow · 07/06/2012 15:29

Its completely normal in Asian weddings to have a few ceremonies and events. If anything the minimum is 3 different events.

Its a great chance to catch up with people you haven't seen and get to know people you don't know yet

twofurryones · 07/06/2012 15:31

We had an informal lunch ob the Sunday as quite a lot of people had travelled a long way to come to our wedding, we thought it was a nice thing to do for people who had later flights booked, there really is no pleasing some people.

GinPalace · 07/06/2012 15:35

Agree with twofurryones no one is twisting your arm I hope, and for most people it is just a fun social, not a dire chore.
Lets face it, if you have been to a wedding and stayed in a hotel there is a fair chance you will have minimal alternative plans for the following day other than travel home so why not spend time with people whose company you enjoy as you are all in the same boat?

Thumbwitch · 07/06/2012 15:38

YABU, I think. The times this has happened for me have been when people have travelled a long way to come to the wedding, often groups of friends or family who haven't seen each other for some time - it's nice to get the chance to spend a bit more time with them the next day under more relaxed circumstances!

Often it has just been breakfast at the hotel where everyone is staying, but quite a lot of the time people have said "oh we're meeting up for lunch at X place, if you want to come along".

As with wedding invitations, there is no compulsion to go. If you feel you've seen enough of them, then plead another engagement and don't go.

SeventhEverything · 07/06/2012 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomNumbers · 07/06/2012 15:47

omfg at Present Opening Ceremony

(thank gawd my vile attentionseeking SIL had never heard of one of them or we would have no doubt been subject to that on top of her bridezilla me me me stuff. meow at self)

notcitrus · 07/06/2012 15:50

Sounds nice, especially when people have travelled - I really appreciated my cousin who had planned two days of touristy activities for us and random others who had flown to the middle of America for her wedding. But then she and all the guests were lovely. I know so many people who got married with all the people they wanted there and then complained they didn't really get to talk to anyone.

Our solution was to change the role of the high table - all the family were put on separate table with others of 'their generation' (requested by them - they didn't feel dumped!) and we put the guests we hadn't seen for longest and would have most difficulty seeing later on our table which was an oval shape, so we could talk to them.

CanISawItOff · 07/06/2012 15:53

OP you'll like the Sawitoff's wedding that is planned. Midweek to keep it small no stag/hen parties (we can't be doing with that crap!) and no expectations to stay for the whole event, if guests want to stop for food they are welcome if they only want to come to the ceremony they can, if they want to bring their children, they can (but they will of course all be in school )

Our wedding is for us, we're not funding a pissup for all and sundry and their dogs!

CornishKK · 07/06/2012 15:54

YABU and there's some right miseries posting on this thread. If you don't like people enough to spend time with them don't go to their weddings.

We did a pub walk, pasty/cream tea/champagne thing the day after our wedding - of course attendance was optional but pretty much everyone came along. Guests had travelled a long way so we wanted to make it worth it. TBF though we did provide three nights accommodation for the immediate wedding party and the Aussie/Kiwis who flew out. We also provided a LOT of booze.

RandomNumbers · 07/06/2012 15:56

Cornish but you are LOVELY

My SIL is not

VivaLeBeaver · 07/06/2012 15:57

I'm going to a 2 day wedding tomorrow and Sat. Wedding on the Fri and blessing on the Sat.

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