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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask you about where you eat

75 replies

watermargin · 07/06/2012 14:01

I am really sorry, I know I am being ridiculous.

I own a very small property. It's in a nice area and it is quiet, clean and pretty but it's tiny. Downstairs is a teeny kitchen, with just enough space for an oven and washing machine - no space for a table at all. The lounge is really small as well. I have a sofa, bookcase, TV unit (and TV!) and little coffee table. The stairs are in the lounge and then upstairs there is a small bathroom (just a shower and sink and toilet - no bath) and two bedrooms. One is mine and the other is for the baby (well she isn't born yet but it will be.)

I really, really want to be the best mum I can be and I've just read another thread on here and cried my eyes out as there isn't space for a table to eat at so I always have to eat my meals in the lounge. Ideally I'll have enough money to move to a bigger property once my daughter is school age but not before then, and this hadn't bothered me because there are two bedrooms and I thought we could manage. But, is it really terrible to not eat at a table? I obviously plan to go to cafes and restaurants with DD and show her how to eat nicely but I just can't get a table for us to eat at just now :( Is this really awful, or is it OK in the circumstances I have described?

OP posts:

Iggly · 07/06/2012 14:02

Oh bless you! If you're adamant about eating at a table, you can get drop leaf ones that fix to the wall plus fold up chairs? Then you can tidy away?

pudding25 · 07/06/2012 14:03

I really wouldn't stress out about it as long as you are showing her good manners and how to eat properly. Our old place was tiny with no room for a proper table. What I did get was a little plastic kiddy table with chairs so that DD could sit there to have meals and do arts/crafts etc. May be an option?

pudding25 · 07/06/2012 14:03

She won't need a table anyway for ages as even when she can eat, she will be in a highchair for a long time.

Cockwomble · 07/06/2012 14:04

You could get a mini child's table for DD to teach her?

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 14:05

"Eating at the table" is just MC code for "Do teach your child manners and how to behave politely in the wider world."

Don't take it literally!

Shutupanddrive · 07/06/2012 14:06

Have you got a coffee table? You could use a little chair for dd next to that. Or buy a child size table. You will have a highchair for the first few years anyway. I know how you feel though, the first thing I bought when we moved house was a table and chairs for the kitchen as we didn't have room at our old house

Original poster

watermargin · 07/06/2012 14:07

Thank you so much, I am being so silly, I know. It's just that things I hadn't even thought of being an issue when it's just me, suddenly are - I realised yesterday I'm going to struggle with bathing her when she's a toddler because I don't have a bath! (Just a shower, I'm not dirty!)

The kiddy table is a great idea, I'll get one of those, thank you. The drop leaf one would be a great idea, only the walls in the lounge are taken up with stuff. One wall is under the stairs, that's where the sofa is, then the other wall has a large bookcase (I have a lot of books) and games and DVDs, and then the TV unit and TV. The other wall is pretty much taken up with a radiator and a window then there's a fire place on the other one.

It is a nice house honestly, it's not ideal for a baby/toddler but then nothing about my circumstances are idea I'm just trying to make the best of them!

OP posts:

BucketOfFuckIts · 07/06/2012 14:07

I had this with DC1. We bought a tiny desk type table and kept it in the corner of the room, at meal times pulled it to the middle of the room. The baby had a seat that attached to it (google 'travel high chair phil and teds'). Voila table for tiny house.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 07/06/2012 14:07

watermargin, you don't need a table to be a great mum. Don't beat yourself up, your house sounds perfect for your little one. xx

bumperella · 07/06/2012 14:07

Surely the table is irrelevant: aim to teach LO to have sociable mealtimes.

redexpat · 07/06/2012 14:07

I define a good mother/prent as someone who does the absolute best they can for their children under whatever circumstances allow. So no you are not a terrible mother.

Could you get fold down chairs and a fold down table? I'm thinking of the ones that old people play cards on. I know it's a faff but maybe if you did it only for evening meals it wouldn't be too annoying?

And there's MUCH more to being a good mother than where you eat your meals.

ThymeLord · 07/06/2012 14:08

I couldn't afford a table when I first left my ex-h so we used those little trays that the kids sit under on a cushion! Wasn't ideal but it worked fine and they have to learn to sit up properly etc. I really wouldn't worry about it if I was you. It's nice to sit at the table (if you have one/have room) but there are other ways to teach children nice manners

Original poster

watermargin · 07/06/2012 14:09

Thank you so much! I feel MUCH better now! I think I am experiencing panic as I'm due at the end of this month and after a relatively calm pregnancy, I'm suddenly panicking!

OP posts:

CuttedUpPear · 07/06/2012 14:11

We lived in a caravan for the first five years of my daughter's life.
We had a table but it wasn't always out - there wasn't room. She graduated to table eating easily; it was one of those places where fun also happened, like play doh and drawing, so she happily sat for meals when the time came and is grown up, polite and well mannered now!

GiveTheAnarchistACigarette · 07/06/2012 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 07/06/2012 14:14

I think I also read that thread. The smuggery made my eyes pop.

Your daughter will not grow up into a grunting delinquent if she eats from a tray on her lap.

She'll probably stay off street corners even if she sometimes watches the telly while doing it instead of having improving discussions with you every night.

After all, it worked out all right for me and still does.

You and she will be fine

limitedperiodonly · 07/06/2012 14:17

ps try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. There'll be a lot more to worry about than table manners after you give birth. But I bet you'll still manage. Nearly everyone else does. Good luck

Psammead · 07/06/2012 14:19

Would you consider something like this OP? It is a coffee table with legs that can be height adjusted to make a small dining table.

It is expensive, but maybe there are cheaper ones to be had. Then you would just need one or two collapsable chairs which you could store behind the sofa, perhaps?

Just an idea. I do not think that eating at a dining table is a vital part of life, but it is a nice thing to do, imo, if you can spare the room for it!

Good luck with everything.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/06/2012 14:19

You sound like you are going to be a lovely mum, even without table and chairs
We lived in a tiny flat until dd and ds1 were 4&5, they had a plastic kiddie table to eat from.

They are 14&13 now and are not on street corners and have lovely manners.

Try not to worry so much, once your dc is here, you'll find a way round these things.

Good luck :)

valiumredhead · 07/06/2012 14:21

We lived in a flat when ds was little we didn't have a table either as the kitchen was minute - I had drawers removed to accommodate a washing machine. We ate together in the front room and eventually got rid of a chair and bought the smallest table we could find but that wasn't until ds was 4. We had a coffee table and ate round that instead - it was fine :)

WRT bathing - baby bath in the bottom of the shower unit or on the floor, filled up with water from the taps?

When I was growing up we lived in a caravan so everything had a dual purpose, a flat seemed positively palatial compared to where I grew up, I was used to small spaces.

It's not eating round the table that is important it's not eating in front of the telly every single meal which gives no chance of face to face conversation.

Ikea used to do a table that screws to to the wall then folds flat against it when not in use.

You will be the best mum for your baby, don't worry, this is just last minute pre birth panic

valiumredhead · 07/06/2012 14:21

We didn't have a baby bath except for at my mum's house - we used the kitchen sink!

Katiepoes · 07/06/2012 14:22

Watermargin we don't have a bath either - our daughter uses a baby bath on a stand and sometimes goes under the shower with her Dad. She's two now and the bath will last maybe another six or so months (size wise I mean) and then we'll just shower her. You can get foldout canvas 'baths', I'll try and find a link, I've seen them here in the shops (Dutch bathrooms without a bath are pretty common).

We have a teeny tiny house too, galley kitchen and one wall useless for furniture as it's one great big window. Our table is in the bookcases if that makes sense - so one side against with shelves around. We have a TripTrap so she can sit at the table with us without a big highchair table (there are other chairs similar).

Don't let that other thread be a guide, it's entertaining but clearly mad.

Psammead · 07/06/2012 14:23

Btw, your abundance of books is far more of an good sign for a family home than a lack of formal dining table is a bad one

Original poster

watermargin · 07/06/2012 14:23

Thank you :) Psmmead, thank you doubly, that's a great idea. I was definitely brought up to eat at the table, although my parents were quite old fashioned but my mum is probably turning in her grave just now! I do like the idea of DD eating at a table, but I suppose really it's just a question of doing what I can with what I've got. So many people have expressed surprise (some quite rudely) that I'm not moving house but I am on my own as my partner left, and I don't think it would be very sensible to add to my mortgage when I'll be on maternity pay and then paying for childcare. I think I'm just a bit sensitive about it.

OP posts:

gobbledegook1 · 07/06/2012 14:23

I am in the same position as you OP. I live in a tiny little bungalow in a nice quiet area and there is no room for a table not even a wall one (no free walls) or a fold up one because there would not be the room for it when erected and nowhere to store it when folded. I would love to be able to eat as a family at a table but it is just not practical where I am, therefore at present if its just me and my kids we will sit on the sofa with it on our laps or on the floor at the coffee table, if my DP comes to stay with his kids then there are not enough seats in the living room for us all so the kids sit on the floor and we sit on the sofa. Its not ideal but it doesn't stop me instilling basic 'table' manners such as not starting until everyone has their food, not talking with food in their mouths, chewing with mouth closed, holding knife & fork correctly etc so when they do go somewhere and eat at a table they still know how to behave (not so much table manners I suppose as basic mealtime etiquette). When I lived at home we had a dining table but only ever ate at it for special occasions so I supposed I am used to it and so manage fine however my DP hates it and his kids find it hard as they have always eaten at a table.

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