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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to tell my dd that she can't have her nose pierced unless she pays for it

53 replies

julieann42 · 06/06/2012 22:30

DD is 16, soon to be 17 and wants her nose pierced! I have said I don't like but I can't stop her but I don't want her to use my ones to pay for it. AIBU to make her get a job first in order to pay for it....I know jobs aren't that easy to come by but she doesn't seem to make much effort so I thought the idea about the nose might encourage her further.... I have told her if she uses money I have given her then she won't get another pennny from me...so no trips to nandos after college with the mates and no make up.

OP posts:

StuntGirl · 07/06/2012 01:11

If she's serious about getting her nose pierced then I think you're absolutely right to ask she pays herself. I've got/had tons pierced and I paid for everything myself, even when I was her age. Honestly, I'd never dream of asking my parents for money for that.

Agree with the PP who said once she's got a job she may be asked to take it out anyway, many customer facing roles do not allow facial piercings. Although she may just decide to get something less visible instead!

Moominhunter · 07/06/2012 01:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I got mine done at 16 and used my own money. Not really a huge deal though I think it was only like £15.00??

Moominhunter · 07/06/2012 01:14

Infact I didn't even tell my mum! I thought she was going to kill me when I got home but infact she really liked it!

SPsFanjoHarboursDeadCats · 07/06/2012 01:16

YANBU
When I had my tattoo at 15 I had to pay for it myself. Even at my age now if mum gave me money for birthday she wouldn't agree on me spending it in a piercing or tattoo.

TheDetective · 07/06/2012 01:34

It only costs a tenner to have done though so in that respect maybe you are being a little unreasonable.

I'm a midwife and never been asked to take mine out. No one has ever mentioned it either.

I had mine done at the grand old age of 25! I love it, really suits me! Only problem with mine is that I have terrible trouble changing them as it really hurts! So as a result I've had the same stud in for over a year! A little red heart. I think it's quite pretty!

ravenAK · 07/06/2012 01:40

I've had various piercings. My parents loathe them. So I'd never have expected them to fund them!

If she gets a job, she can obviously spend her wages on all the piercings she likes, once she's paid you board etc.

Mind you, I'm far too tight to sub trips to Nando's, too.

Buckingfiatch · 07/06/2012 01:40

I paid for my own belly button to be pierced at 14 so if she really wanted it to be done, she would find ways to pay it herself.

YANBU.

Mrsjay · 07/06/2012 09:48

I don't think its the money though its mum not giving permission for her to have a hole in her face/nose.
yes she could use her allowance money and i suppose she could do that, but for me with dd1 it was about me being responsible for her having holes in her face tongue tragus .
So if they do it with their own money then it is their responsibility and if they do get an infection then its nothing to do with us

MeCookGoodSock · 07/06/2012 10:06

You're a lenient mother. I tell mine, no piercings or tattoos until you're self supporting and have your own place. The answer is always NO while you live under my roof. Why? Because I don't like them. You can like them, you just can't have them while dependent on me. While my children are under my roof they represent my household and piercings and tattoos are not on, as far as I'm concerned.

cantspel · 07/06/2012 10:32

Youth of today has gone soft. Back in the dark age we did our own piercings with a neddle from the sewing box and a bag of froozen peas.

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 10:38

My sdad paid for my first body piercing (belly), he took me to have it done and had a right laugh at my expense. Aged 14, I had to myther for ages though.

Then I had my nose done, I paid for that myself.

At 16 my mum let me have my lip done, she said if that was part of my style and how I expressed myself it was fine, I paid for it myself though, which I felt happy I could do.

OP get her to pay for it herself, that way you can see that she's really serious about body piercing :)

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 10:39

Cantspel that's how I've done the 3 piercings in each ear, I love the pop! I did pierce my own belly originally but with too thin a needle do a bar had no chance.

People think I'm a masochist.

LucieMay · 07/06/2012 17:33

As a heavily tattooed and frequently pierced mother with rainbow hair, it amuses me to imagine how my now year old ds will rebel against me when he's older! I'm very much a respectable member of society despite the appearance, good public sector job. It isn't the end of the world if your dcs show an interest in body modification, we aren't all drug taking anarchists or jobless wastrels I promise!

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/06/2012 17:35

Seeing as she's still at college, I think a buss pass and free bed and board are suitable financial contributions from you.

If she wants any more money, places are always looking for waitresses etc.

YANBU to pay for something you disagree with.

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 17:37

'free bed and board'. She's not a lodger. She's the OP's child.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/06/2012 17:37

YANBU to NOT pay for something you disagree with.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/06/2012 17:38

Yes, I know. I can read. It's a shorter way of saying that she has food, a bed etc

WhiteWidow · 07/06/2012 17:40

You're saying it as though she's doing her a favour though.

Ignore me, I just have a bit of a problem with that subject at the moment.

MsElisaDay · 07/06/2012 17:43

YANBU.

I got my belly button pierced at 14, nose and ears at 15, tongue and eyebrow at 18, lip at 19 and, erm, intimate parts at 22. I had to pay for them all myself as my mother despises piercings and had barred me from having anything done.
Now, 15 years after that belly piercing, it's one of the only ones that remain as I had to take out all the facial ones for work. The only one I regret is the lip as it never healed up and, six years after I took it out, I still have a very visible hole.

So yeah, your daughter should definitely pay for any piercings/ tattoos/ daft hair-dyeing sessions herself. I would warn her though, that if she gets hayfever now isn't a good time to get her nose done.
Mine fell out numerous times as I'm quite a snotty and allergy-prone person, which means it didn't really heal properly and I had to take it out altogether after a few weeks.

WhataTreat · 07/06/2012 17:46

The place I went to required you to be 18... I lied, but I suspect places are hotter on ID now. I paid for all my piercings myself without my parents even knowing I was getting it done, so at least she's asked! No reason she can't pay for it herself though.

MsElisaDay · 07/06/2012 17:51

Oh, really good point, WhataTreat. Back in the day, we just lied and said we were 18, but licensing officials are definitely cracking down.
I'd also ask her to think seriously about where she gets it done, and go somewhere reputable that will do it with a needle rather than a gun. It costs slightly more but there's far less risk of any problems.
Of course, the potential problem with that is that the reputable places are the ones that will ask for ID...

Emphaticmaybe · 07/06/2012 18:10

I had my nose pierced at 16, (over 20 years ago) and paid for it myself. I wore it until I was in my twenties and quite liked it.

However I do still have a small hole on the surface of my nose, nothing major but it is obvious. I suppose lip and eyebrow piercings leave more scarring though.

It may not matter- she may keep her piercings for life, but for me it was just a way to express myself for a few years in my life and I see scars as an unwanted legacy.

Maybe talk to your DD about that - I know it's hard for teenagers to ever think they'll feel differently in the future ( hence the popularity of tattoos), but most of us do change and possible scarring may put her off at least for a few years, (which it sounds like you would prefer.)

Good luck

LaurieFairyCake · 07/06/2012 18:23

Dd had hers done last year (aged 13) for a fiver.

It definitely is a piercing with the least impact (tiny,tiny hole) - I said yes when extracting a promise not to get her belly button done until she left home.

She takes it out for school and you honestly can't see it.

takingiteasy · 07/06/2012 18:33

I got mines done when I was 14, just realised that was 14 years ago! Still not bored of it. Do people get bored of their ears being pierced? I got it done without consulting my mum and dad, they just kind of went and didn't make a fuss. I tried again, at 17 to get a reaction out of them by getting my tounge done but again they just shrugged. Bloody liberal hippies.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/06/2012 19:12

at 13yo having their nose peirced. Am I really old fashioned?

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