Think he should mind his own

[Oppsididitagain]

Maintainance that is payed on a monthly basis to my boyfriends ex for his child,she often uses it to go out he kicks off about this

Pertinant info

1. Child is adiquatly maintained by mother on a day to day basis
2. Child is adiquatly fed/ dressed and never goes without needed things
3. Mum pays all bills rent ect

4.child has a adiquat standered of living

1. Dad has an income at jsa level but maintainance not aranged by csa so it's above what csa would expect to be paid
2. Maintainance paid by me due to dads low income ( I do this as a favor as first and foremost dad has allways been concidered a good friend and do not expect to be paid back)

Dad resents her using money to go out I think he should butt out as money is hers to do as she sees fit, it's not childs pocket money it's maintainance and the only circumstance he should have an issue is if child is not being adiquatly maintained

What do you ladies reckon?

If you are paying it, it is not for him to complain. I'm a little worried that he complains about her and is using you to pay his bills.

YANBU but he's not looking good in all this

Is this a reverse wotsit?

Yanbu. Since the money is all in one pot (hers) does he expect her never to go out, get her hair done etc?
However given his moaning and the fact that you are paying his csa, I am struggling to see what he has going for him.
its also great to hear a mans partner stand up for the ex.

yanbu none of his business what she spends it on if dc is well looked after

doesn't he feel a bit shit about himself that you are paying his maintenance for him?

Why do people always think it's their money that's being spent on hair etc rather than on the rent, electricity etc?

She isn't using his money to go out. His money stops being his as soon as he hands it over.

Like most of us that recieve maintenance money from ex's, it just goes into the pot and everything that needs to be bought out of that comes out. It makes no difference where the money comes from, it all contributes to the same budget.

Technically, I spend some of the cash my ex gives me on going out or on new clothes, but as I provide adequately for my children before I buy anything for me anyway, I don't see the problem. Especially as I contribute more to my dc financially than he does.

No reverse anything I only asked because I personally know several absent parents who get narked about this and I strongly feel that it's nothing to do with them.
Personally I recive no child maintainance from the absent parent in my family as such it is not an issue for me, I just don't think the poor woman should be being begrudged a nightout or anything as long as she is propally maintaining the child
genuinely wanted to get opinions

Oh and I have no issues paying it myself if I did I wouldn't do it should I devolop an issue with doing so I would stop as I have no obligations to do so

YABU to consistently use a word you are unable to spell. It detracts from the point you are trying to make.

Adequate, adequately

Google The OP didn't ask if her spelling was adequate or unreasonable.

Why did you bother posting if you were going to ignore her question?

This isn't an English lesson, we aren't in school, and you just come across as an arsehole, still, pat yourself on the back for being so clever and belittling people.

OP Why are you paying the child support? He needs to zip it and start paying himself.

You are this man's partner and pay his maintenance to his ex.
You want your partner to 'butt out' when he complains about how the money is spent.
Is that right?
If it is... Weird.

Just tell him that his your money is being spent on the DCs and her money is being spent on the nights out.

google everything Kelly has said.

My ex is the same even though he has only paid for two years in the last 17. Some men are knobs

google get a life, seriously.

OP, YANBU

google,

i apoligise compleatly i should have started my post by letting you know that i have a neurological disorder that makes it rather differcult for me to identify incorrectly spelt words, my daughter regularly amuses herself by adding words to my spellchecker normally i find this just as funny as she does if i have anything to do where spelling matters hugely then my admin lady checks it for me.
thank you for pointing this out i shall add it to my list of words to learn more effectivly.

Hate it when people on here correct others spelling and grammar very twatty, up you own arse hobby IMO.

Oh and op yanbu

Don't you dare bloody apologise! Spelling is not a problem. We are all capable of understanding what you meant.

he is being unreasonable and stupid. He has a duty to provide for his child. She is also providing for the child. Should she never go out or have anything or buy anything? Because money that goes to her goes into a kitty out of which the child is housed, fed and clothed and taken out etc. Some of the household money is spent on her. What's his problem?

How does he know that the actual money he gave - or rather YOU gave! - was not used to do the shopping and she used other money to go out? Does it even matter?

Would it be ok with him if the money you handed over to support his child was handed over to tesco, and she used money she has from other sources to go out, or is she just not allowed to go out at all?

Does he think that what you give is providing fully for everything the child needs? housing, heating, light, meals, clothes, holidays?...

I can't get over his nerve 1 for acting like the mother of his child has no right to go out and 2 that he's acting like that when it's not even his bloody money!

i expect he does feel a bit shit about not being able to afford it himself however when him and i were talking about it befor we started being intimate (when we were just friends and he was made redundant) he was upset to think she would just get a fiver due to his low income i admired that greatly as in my experance i am used to an ex who would find it entertaining to only pay a fiver hence why i never claimed anything from him. so i offered to pay it for him untill such time as he could pay it himself.this was done with no strings attached.

mzkitty perhaps butt out is to strong a word, what i am meaning is that imho it is HER money to use however she sees fit and the only time he should complain to her is if the child concerned is not being maintained propally as this is not the case i think that to bitch about her going out creates bad feeling where none is needed and is being unduley unkind and unreasonable towards her after all she is the one who pays out for everything that is needed on a day to day basis.

i understand this may be percived as odd or weird but having been a lone parent previously for many years i do not wish to listen to 'lets bash the parent with care' and i most certainly do not wish to collude with any bad feeling and even tho they obviously dislike each other credit should be given where credit is due, shes doing a damn good job and fine they have legit issues to fall out over occasionally but i am not prepared to give him a platform when i think hes being silly or just negative towards her for the sake of it

hecate,

thank you im never sure when forums are like those where stuff like that is a big deal hence why i tend to mostly avoid them, a friend told me about this one and said i should be ok.

i think its just a genral rant he has just for the sake of ranting iykwim lol, hes normally fairly reasonable, i asked the question as its something ive heard a few absent parents say befor and wanted to know if perhaps i was being a bit to biased towards mum

it makes you a nice person that you are.

OP YANBU. I admire you for standing up for what is right. I would have thought that even with your assistance, your boyfriend is not covering half the costs of a child (food/clothes/days out/tv licence/housing/insurance/bills etc). I agree with you that provided that the child is cared for appropriately, then the mother is entitled to go out and spend what she likes. Sounds like he's lucky to have you!

Do you think your boyfriend would feel the same about how his ex spends her money if he was paying it himself?

Whilst I admire you for helping him out. It amazes me how people can say they feel bad they can not provide more, let someone else pay it, then moan about what it is used for.

YANBU - in the same way as if you give someone a present, it is then theirs, you wouldn't take it back because say, they put it on a shelf in the living room and you thought it should be on the mantelpiece.

Sorry, not greatly worded but yes - the maintenance goes into the pot belonging to their mother. As long as the DC's are loved and properly looked after, then where the money comes from is immaterial.

spellchecker!