Do you think im being unfair?

[Expectantmum2b]

Im pregnant with my first child (husbands 3rd child), i ve chosen a first name i really like and have decided my daughters middle name will be my mums middle name (after my mum and also because it goes well with the first name we have chosen).

Last night my brother in law was here and was confirming what we were calling our daughter, i told him what it was gong to be, he then replied "oh so it will be first name, middle name and then my mums name (as in his mother and my husbands mother). I then explained that it will just be the first name, then her middle name (which is my mothers middle name) and then her surname, and no other names.

He was abit shocked by this, maybe because he felt it wasnt fair just to put my mothers name in my daughters name. I now feel that maybe we should put the mother in laws name as a extra middle name (although im not sure i want my daughter to have a mouthful of a name).

I spoke to my husband about this and he said his mothers name isnt really nice, so he hadnt thought of putting it in.

Do you think im being unfair putting my mothers name in my daughters name but not the mother in laws name?

Yes, and that's exactly why ds has one name and one name only plus his surname

We chose our son's name. Then, when I went to register, I added my (deceased) Dad's name as a second name. I figured that if our son had my husband's surname, it was fair enough. My husband didn't object.

Your BIL is being silly.

If your own DH didn't suggest it then I wouldn't even consider using it. Tell your DBiL you're not using his mums name as you thought he'd want to use it himself for his own dd.

Not unfair at all. It is quite usual to give a middle name after a family member. You can't possibly please all the family (on both sides) by giving all the names. I'd calmly explain to him that you have chosen names because you like them and ask him to please not turn this into an excuse for upsetting the family.

What does it have to do with your BIL?

If you and your DH are happy then call your DC what you like.

I'm not sure. If DP isn't bothered then I don't see why it is an issue, however if you think MIL will be hurt by this then maybe no parents names?

No I don't think you are being unfair. You can call your dd whatever you like. Your dh sounds ok with it. Why is bil being consulted?

Ds3 has 3 niddle names and a confirmation name,its a dodgy game to play naming children after people .

It depends how you want to play it,do you want to appease your dps family? if so give dd an extra name she'll never use or admit to and your mil will be impressed -nothing lost,or alternatively stick with your plan and ignore dbil.

And this is why you should never discuss names with anyone other than the other parent in the situation, not even close family.

Name your child what you want to!

Our DS has 2 middle names, one for DH's father (no longer with us) and my maiden name, which I suppose you could say is for my father but really it's for me.

Anyone else sticking their nose in and telling us that we "had" to have another name would have got very short shrift!

Your child your choice. So no not unreasonable at all. It's nothing to do with you bil.

But it's your mum's middle name you're using though, not her first name? I would call your child what you like, as long as you and DH agree. Our DS has one of my brothers names as a middle name.
I have decided this time not to tell people The name choices- can't stand the unwelcome opinions (I.e. anything different to my opinion!)

It's got nothing to do with your B-i-L (although I like iloveACK's suggestion ).
Quite normal to use one relative's name as a middle name. Quite acceptable to not use a name you don't like - it's a reflection on the name, not the person.

I think it just reinforces why it's not a good idea to discuss with all and sundry what you are going to name your child before the event - people tend to assume it's up for discussion!

You're not BU at all. Your BIL is being a bit bonkers about it. Your MIL didn't choose her own name so why would she mind if you don't choose it, I assume you've picked your Mum's name because you like it not just because it's her name iyswim.

Naming a child isn't about being fair, choose the names you want and don't worry about your BIL.

Absolutely none of his business. Don't discuss names with anyone except DH til after she's born!

It has sod all to do with your BIL. Just tell him that when he has a/another child he can call that baby what the hell ever he likes but all the while that it's you who is the mother to this one you get to call the shots (and the names!).

my dd has my mums name as a middle name and my ds has dh's dads name as his middle name so we have included both families across the 2 children (the names we have used are commonly used as names/middle names in both families)

I think brother in law was just making conversation. I suppose i felt abit mean, like i was including my mum, and not my mother in law.

I think it is a little unfair, was the BIL considering that his Mum might feel hurt about it?

If you think she would be upset that her dgd has your Mums name but not hers, then I think YABVU, and you should either give both names or neither. You don't want a close family member to feel hurt over something that is very special for the whole family when you coudk prevent it.

Ds1 has my Dads name and exdps Dads name as middle names, and we would both have thought it was unfair to only give one of the male grandparents the honour of having their name continued.

Your (as in you and DH) choice of 1st name.
Your mother's middle name.
Your DH's family surname.

Sounds equal to me.

I have two middle names, don't do it, I hate it.

It doesn't fit in any application form, with my drivers licence it cuts off half way through the second middle name and looks like I can't spell my own name. Same with my passport.

People will always have something to add when choosing baby names.

YANBU ditto what others have said.

I wouldn't discuss prospective names, tbh, especially when your choices involve family names because someone is going to insist that you've mortally offended Great Auntie Ethelburga by not naming your first born after her.

Also, while you want to have ideas for names, you might not want to be specific until your baby has arrived because they don't always fit your choice. Sounds weird I know but it's not unusual!

My husband has a different surname to his brother and mother (his brother and my husband have the same mother and father)

They did have the same surname at one point but the parents decided to change their surname to a surname way back in the family (great grandmothers maiden name)

But as that name was my husbands middle name , he then had his first name then his middle name and again the same for his surname so it had the same name twice in his name!!

So my husband changed it back to what his birth certificate had on it when he was old enough too.

Strange set up!

So my babys surname wont have the mother in law surname.

His brother also has special needs, and sometimes doesnt think about what he says before he says it!

However it had got me thinking, and i didnt want to cause any jealously or resentment

If me and husband had a child, it would be so easy for us to keep everyone happy as our fathers had the same first name, my mother and his grandmother had the same, his mother and my grandmother were the same...