Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband not to say things like this?

65 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 05/06/2012 19:25

Very tired, hormonal at the moment & son is being a typical, boisterous toddler but sometimes when my husband gets home I've had enough & say that he can watch him for a bit while I go & have a cup of tea in peace & quiet. Often I hear my son ask where mummy is & I hear him reply 'mummy doesn't want to see you right now' or 'mummy can't cope with you at the moment'. AIBU to ask him just to say 'mummy's having a rest' or something similar or am I being precious (am nearly 6 months pregnant so suspect the latter but I do find it upsetting that he's telling our son I don't want to see him).

Sorry for no paragraphs but I couldn't work out a convenient break!

OP posts:
fuzzypicklehead · 05/06/2012 19:27

YANBU. There's no need to make it sound like you're rejecting your son, just because you want 10 minutes peace!

HRHcatgirl1976 · 05/06/2012 19:28

YANBU - he is phrasing that badly. He probably doesn't realise he is doing it (I hope)

Talk to him, but when you are feeling a little less upset by it

BellaOfTheBalls · 05/06/2012 19:29

YANBU - very poor choice of words. Ask him to rephrase it to "Mummy is just having a rest/5 minutes peace/is busy right now"

ImpatientOne · 05/06/2012 19:30

YANBU - a few of my family are fairly classic at stuff like this, particularly the 'she's on the toilet' line when answering the phone Hmm

It really doesn't take much to think of a nicer way to say it!

SleepingDogz · 05/06/2012 19:45

id be slightly irritated that the second i walked in the door, the child was dumped into my arms in a dramallama way

let him get in, have his tea, then say can you mind fred while i paint my nails for five mins please

EclecticShock · 05/06/2012 19:46

YANBU, tell him he needs to say something more appropriate.

Flisspaps · 05/06/2012 19:47

why should he be allowed his tea and a rest first?! Confused

Safmellow · 05/06/2012 19:48

YANBU. Do you think OH resents it? If so he should be speaking to you about it, not your DS.

AppleAndBlackberry · 05/06/2012 19:49

It's a bit passive-aggressive isn't it. I would just tell him it's not on.

boredandrestless · 05/06/2012 19:50

He sounds resentful and is getting it out of his system in a passive agressive way by venting how he feels to your toddler instead of reassuring him that you are having a rest and will be back soon.

Vicky2011 · 05/06/2012 19:53

Yes I don't for a minute think he doesn't know exactly what he's saying.

Nobhead · 05/06/2012 19:54

YANBU- all he needs to say is Mummy is just having a cup of tea or Daddy wants to play/have a cuddle now. Tell him the wording is a bit Hmm, if he's reasonable he'll understand.

untidyhouseuntidymind · 05/06/2012 19:56

YANBU or precious. It'd be perfectly reasonable to ask him to say that you're having a rest.

Rachog · 05/06/2012 20:02

Yanbu it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about wanting a rest. How petty to score points like that.

Just tell him its not on.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 05/06/2012 20:03

My Dad used to say something similar to me when I was growing up and Mum needed a rest, usually along the lines of "Mummy's run away because she doesn't love you". Very upsetting and even as a small child it's something you never forget - you need to nip this in the bud. Angry

Nobhead · 05/06/2012 20:07

NiNi that's awful. Did your Mum not tell your Dad to stop it?

PissyDust · 05/06/2012 20:09

He sounds pissed off that as soon as he walks through the door he is expected to "take over" and he is letting you know this through your son Sad

AThingInYourLife · 05/06/2012 20:14

"let him get in, have his tea, then say can you mind fred while i paint my nails for five mins please"

:o

But when does he get his welcome home BJ?

Chandon · 05/06/2012 20:14

he is resentful and petty

mirry2 · 05/06/2012 20:22

I think your dh should be emphasising how much he wants to be with your dc. so instead of just saying mummy's having a rest, he should say something along the lines of 'I've missed you so much today that I want to play with you/read you a story while mummy has a rest.'

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 05/06/2012 20:22

AThing - you just woke my baby up by making me guffaw. Shame on you.

Op - horribly passive aggressive. Tell him to stop. Your poor little boy.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 05/06/2012 20:22

nobhead I don't recall her saying anything no. But I could be wrong.

Either way, its an appalling way to talk to a small child OP, and potentially damaging actually. Your husband needs to suck it up and behave like a man, especially right now when you're pregnant aswell. Sad

HumphreyCobbler · 05/06/2012 20:24

I am glad you said it in a funny way AThing, I was going to just point out rudely all the problems in that statement...

HumphreyCobbler · 05/06/2012 20:25

and OP, you husband really should not do this. It is not on at all.

pictish · 05/06/2012 20:25

Yanbu!!

Is he a passive aggressive twat, or just lacking in any common sense whatsoever?
Either way you would not be being U to tell him to never do that again.

No need!