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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police about my DS's violence?

50 replies

HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:14

DS (14) has been smashing things up for 2 years - punching holes in the wall, smashing plates, cups, glasses etc. In the last 3 weeks he has broken the fence, punched a hole in his bedroom wall, broken 2 mobile phones, smashed PS3 controller...you get the idea.

In the interest of keeping my OP short:

DS has counselling (anger management)
CAMHS appt in 2 weeks (for depression)
Saw Dad today (he is not interested. DS sees him 1-2 hours every 3-4 weeks)
DS smashed a mirror, punched hole in wall in lounge today
DS threatened to break my hand in door, then tried to do so (I stuck my foot in the way)

This is why I called police. I'm sad, scared and at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 23:16

Oh you poor thing Sad

No of course you're not BU

What did they say?

HokeyCokeyJubileeMyArse · 04/06/2012 23:17

No you're not BU, you poor thing.

Must of been terribly hard.

Did they help?

pictish · 04/06/2012 23:18

No you're certainly not being unreasonable. Yikes...sounds rough.

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2012 23:18

No you're not.
Whilst your son clearly has 'issues' that he's getting some help with, you cannot live in fear in your own home.

TrollopDollop · 04/06/2012 23:18

I didn't want you to go unanswered. YANBU I really feel for you. I have no advice but do these episodes always coincide with visits to the father?

RandomNumbers · 04/06/2012 23:18

YANBU

I am so sorry, frightening for all

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:20

They were very good. They asked me if I wanted them to arrest him - I said no, of course. The trouble is he is now being a nightmare again, because "I called the police on him". I admit, I was scared. He has always said he would never hurt me, and I believed him. Now I'm not so sure - I feel terrible saying that.

OP posts:
Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:21

I should have name-changed, shouldn't I? Blush

OP posts:
Dawndonna · 04/06/2012 23:21

It must be so terrifying, and worrying for you. I really hope things settle down and get sorted for you. I'm sorry I can't offer a practical 'real life' solution, but I hope you're okay.

AgentZigzag · 04/06/2012 23:21

I'm not sure, you're at the end of your tether but will calling the police have made anything better?

But then what alternative did you have? It's not your fault he's attacking you, but it doesn't sound his either.

I'm completely in support of you having called them, but more annoyed you haven't had enough help to 'contain' his behaviour leaving the police your only option.

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:22

I'm asking if IABU because I wonder if this will make him worse?

OP posts:
tinkertitonk · 04/06/2012 23:23

That sounds ghastly. But what did you want the police to do if not arrest him?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 23:25

Perhaps when he calms down you need to explain to him that he really did scare you.

Maybe that'll make him think about his actions?

My DS's friend was very much how you describe your DS and he drove his Mum to despair for years.

He's nearly 21 now though and the nicest guy you'll ever meet...he just can't explain what triggered his awful behaviour Sad

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:27

Worra, I sincerely hope my son would be like that.

Tinker - I suppose I was prepared for him to be arrested, but I guess I hoped that the police would "give him a good talking to".

OP posts:
Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:29

I was also distraught and ducking flying objects! The remotes, a set of speakers and my favourite chair are destroyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:30

Thanks Dawn and Agent

OP posts:
Maryz · 04/06/2012 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 04/06/2012 23:31

OP I know you feel terrible...I wanted to try to give you hope...my brother was VERY like your DS and he's 48 now and has been a calm and lovely man for the last 20 odd years...he DID have a rocky road..but also did very well at drama school and has had a very good acting career...it took him till he was 24 to go for acting seriously.

He was AWFUL as a teen...violent, Mum could not trust him at all as he would often snap at sibings and lash out...he used to get brought home by the police regularly too.

He's FINE now. Does DS have any activities to do apart from school and friends?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 23:32

I understand why you didn't want him arrested.

I'm guessing you're hoping the fact you actually called them will scare him into stopping?

Well hopefully it will but please leave him in no doubt that if he scares you like that again, you will tell them to arrest him and he'll spend the night in the cells.

Hopefully the CAMHS appt will help him and you Sad

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:32

I know Maryz - I was hoping you might see this, thank you x

OP posts:
Maryz · 04/06/2012 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:37

TheHouse - no activities but I have encouraged him and suggested things, he's just not interested.

Worra - thanks for "getting it", you're right. I don't want my boy in a cell, but I can't carry on like this. We have CAMHS in a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:37

Thanks Maryz x

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 23:39

Do you have any other children OP?

Original poster
HRHBumpingFuglies · 04/06/2012 23:40

No Worra, he's my only one

OP posts:
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