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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my family are rotten sods?!!

52 replies

3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 16:13

So so fed up!! just want a rant really, i know im not BU!

Just had a text from my Mother asking we're going to my cousins Jubilee party tomorrow! i knew nothing about it Sad we've not been invited.

In fairness i dont see much of my extended family, well any of my family really. We we're very close at one point but over the years we have drifted, but dont lots of families? I live the opposite side of town to most of my family so the rest of them do see more of each other and they get together quite often, which im fine about.

I was chatting with my Sister on the phone last week, she's getting married next year in greece. I asked who else in the family was going, i mentioned our cousin and my sister she said she was seeing her (the cousin) next Tues so was going to have a chat with her then. Of course i thought nothing of it at the time, till the text from my mum!, so sister is invited along with my mother! but not me and my DH and DC!! Sad. I know for a fact that if my Mum is invited then so are the other aunts/uncles/cousins ect!

I feel like a bloody outcast! i dont know why she has done this!! my DC are a handful, my eldest has ASD and my youngest has a hearing impairment caused by severe glues ear, speech delay and behavioural problems! i think that's why she hasnt invited us!. Its upset me so much, we don't get invited to much anyway, but i never thought my family would be like this Sad How fucking dare she?? and whats more how fucking dare my sister not mention it? why would she and my mum want to go to a party that we hadn't been invited to?.

My Sisters wedding next year is probably going to cost us a fortune, 2 adults and 3 kids for even just a week in Greece is going to cost a fortune. Finding that money isnt going to be easy!! we will have to really tighten our belts and miss out on lots of other things, to be able to go. Im now thinking why the fuck should we? she doesnt give a shit about us anyway!! she cant do!. Do i really want to scimp and scrape go without to spend time with these people?.

Sorry this has turned into an epic rant, i feel like childishly just turning up!! but what would that achieve? Sad.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 17:07

HRH the SN reason is pure speculation, nothing the family have said have indicated that it is the reason why someone who never invites her cousins around to hers isn't invited to her cousins house!

HRH2shoesofMn · 04/06/2012 17:08

that is why i put "if you feel that is the reason"

it often is

youarekidding · 04/06/2012 17:10

I'm confused about the wedding.

It's your sisters wedding? She has invited your cousin and your mum and therefore you assume because your mum is going so are all the other Aunts etc.
Has your sister not invited you to her wedding? And if not why are you worried about how your going to afford fares? If she has why are you concerned about who else is invited?

With regards to Jubilee party I would be annoyed too. Family events here are just that. Everyone gets invited. Unless its adults only in which case it's mentioned to those with children but usually they know they won't come because all the babysitters, ie Grandmas! are going to be there!

We don't all go though. Theres my nan, 7 children with DH/Dp's, 17 GC (+DP/H's) and 8 GGC. Not often all 50+ are free on the same day - especially as some are in the forces! I would be pissed off not to be invited though.

And your right your family should not be excluded due to the childrens SN. As long as your dealing with them - which it sounds like you are - then I find that quite rude.

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 17:11

When i say we drifted im meaning from when we were child iyswim, as kids we all holidayed together, as adults we see each other on special occasions, i would have thought the jubilee was one of them. I have been ill and not really given the jubilee much thought........oh well never mind!

tis just my turn for you lot to have your claws into.......ill liveGrin i am actually very easy going! and fun to be around and i normally would not give a bugger about things like this, perhaps im being over sensitive, i dunno.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 17:11

I also often, hell probably daily, don't get invited to parties that people who I never contact or invite to anything are having Grin
which is more likely?

Journey · 04/06/2012 17:18

I'd feel upset if I was the op. On the plus side at least your mum assumed you had been invited so indirectly she agrees with you. Hopefully, your mum will say something to them. Deliberately missing your family out is mean. I can't believe how many people think your cousin's behaviour is acceptable.

anychocswilldo · 04/06/2012 17:19

I can completely understand how incredibly hurtful not being invited would b if everyone else has been invited! Screw them! If I had been invited to something my mum and sister hadn't I'd refuse and tell sister and mum straight away this has actually happened as my mum's family were evil As far as your dc's go, if u can't rely on your family to be understanding about their sn who can u rely on? I would also rethink spending a shed load of money going to someone's wedding who was so disloyal. So op if u r childish so am I, my mum has been on the receiving end if this treatment so I understand.

cantspel · 04/06/2012 17:24

so when was the last time you invite your cousin to a party?

Did you host at christmas? easter? last bank holiday?
When did you last visit, ring for a chat, pop over for a cuppa?

It has nothing to do with the fact that your child has a sn and everything to do with the fact that you just are not close.

monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 17:27

"Deliberately missing your family out is mean. I can't believe how many people think your cousin's behaviour is acceptable"

because I don't think she was deliberately excluded, I think its more likely she didn't come to mind at all as opposed to comming to mind and being a "no" since she has very little to do with her cousin and her cousin prob just thought of inviting people they see or hear from semi-regularly.

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 17:30

Phew thanks for the kind replies, i was being to feel like was some sort of self centred twunt!

Its sort of an unwritten etiquette, xmas get togethers are always at either my aunts or cousin (as they have the bigger houses) i plan a summer picnic as we have a lovely big park on our door step, and well special birthdays ect are generally in pubs or restaurants.

OP posts:
Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 17:37

But thats just it has everything to do with my DC SNs i cant just pop over for a cuppa or have parties BECAUSE of my DC SNs! Our entire life revolves around ASD so much so that we dont actually notice anymore, this is normal for us!

OP posts:
Dprince · 04/06/2012 17:46

oh dear you don't sound easy going, at least not today. Your life revolves around your children. That's fine, but if you never make the effort to have them round why do you expect they should. Sounds like a case of out of sight, out of mind.
The sisters wedding thing is why most people are so shocked. You are considering not going because someone else did something you don't like. That does sound childish and assuming its against your children, seems like an over reaction. If you think this cousin would exclude you based on having children with disabilities, why do you want to go?
Clearly you thought you were being reasonable. But most think your not. If you don't like people saying yabu, why post.

G1nger · 04/06/2012 18:00

You don't get to be invited simply because you're family. That's not the way the world works.

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 18:06

Dprince i have not said i expect everyone to agree with me Hmm ive been on MN enough years to know better than that Smile

I didnt word the whole wedding thing very well, so i do see peoples point. Its a question of loyalty, my sister knows we're not invited and she obviously feels that's ok, had the roles been reversed i would have said something. I am looking forwards to the wedding, however im now not looking forwards to spending time with family that feel it ok to exclude us, which sadly includes my sister Sad. Ill get over it, my skin is normally thicker than this.

I have always looked forward to a summer picnic, and while i appreciate for most this doesnt take an awful lot of effort and planning, for us it does. I think that i make just as much effort as everyone else if im honest.

Im over thinking all this now anyway, so ill leave it at that.

OP posts:
misslinnet · 04/06/2012 18:11

Are you sure your sister knew you weren't invited to your cousins' party?

I sounded like your mum assumed you'd been invited, maybe your sister had assumed that too?

monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 18:14

I don't understand, if you couldn't go to your cousins for a coffee then how could you have gone to the party?

and a lot of the contact I have with my closer cousins is phone/writing/skype/FB

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 18:16

Yep im sure, she quickly changed the subject, when we we're talking about it last week. The same conversation also included what my DDs we're wearing for the school Jubilee party.

OP posts:
Dprince · 04/06/2012 18:26

Maybe she felt embarrassed when she realised you hadn't been officially invited.

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 18:27

Good point monkeymoma, because my DD absolutely adores parties! loves getting her best dress on, wearing pretty shoes ect, so a party is no problem, yes she has in the past had the odd meltdown (not every time) but on a whole she really enjoys big get togethers. We normally dont actually stay that long, maybe that why we didnt get invited? perhaps they think we're just plain ignorant? HmmGrin.

Now just calling for a cuppa on the other hand is a whole different ball game, to her thats just pointless!. I would explain further but i fear if i do, its just gonna bring back the whole SNs haters back in.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 18:28

ok that makes sense, so what about phoning for a chat, skyping etc?

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 18:31

Possible Dprince im not going to drag this out with my cousin or my sister, im not the sort to hold grudges. I was upset when i posted the OP so i could have come across as the sort that would.

I shall plan my picnic earlier and make sure my spread blinds anything my bloody cousin could put together Wink. And do it all with a smile on my face Grin.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 18:32

basically just staying on radar,
it really sounds to me that you are just off their radar so they don't consider you, rather than them thinking "oh no not THEM"

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 18:47

I would explain further but i fear if i do, its just gonna bring back the whole SNs haters back in

That post made me read carefully through the whole thread in cases I missed some posts.

I can not see a single "SNs hater" on this thread at all.

Just people telling you honestly how other people often view/or are affected by children with behavioral problems at social gatherings.

If you don't want honest replies, I don't know why you bothered starting the thread.

Original poster
3cutedarlings · 04/06/2012 18:58

WL You're right ive just read back through, there we're a couple of posts that i found insensitive, but your right SN haters is putting it to harsh. I was just wound up anyway and those comments which imo made my DC sound like a spoilt brat rather than a child with a disability iyswim.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 04/06/2012 19:10

OP, are you invited to your sisters wedding?

If not I find that really strange and I would be very upset at not being invited to my sisters - and we're not even that close!

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