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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry? Is DH taking the piss?

69 replies

Loonytoonie · 03/06/2012 09:46

DH works hard, v busy time consuming job, so much so that it's me alone that deals with everything at home, including working 4 days a week. We have 2 DC both under 6.

We're driving to Cornwall today, in convoy with my parents and IL's (8 of us in total) and meant to be leaving at 11. He's still in bed. Not packed.

He went out yesterday at 3 with friends and staggered home at 2 this morning. He's barely conscious now.

He left me yesterday to turn a heavy kingsize mattress singlehandedly (it was damp from where littlest one had an accident), I had to get up the attic to look for camping items etc, carry said items down the ladder, change a puncture on my car (that we're using today), PACK for me and DC, pack boxes of supplies, pack up car.

I'm fucking exhausted. Parents are ringing to ask if we're ready and yet again, I have to say that no, we're not. DH still sleeping and not even packed. I'm fucking fuming and knackered and on the verge of tears. Am SORELY tempted to leave at planned time and tell him to follow us in his car.....when he's actually managed to sober up. It's a 3 hr drive and can do it alone.

He's 55 FFS, and while I know he works hard in a pressured job, I support him as much as I can. But I work bloody hard too, and this is no fun today.

Please. I await the MN jury and will cut him some slack if you tell me. At the moment though, I'm ready to sob and shout at the same time.

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 03/06/2012 09:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

aldiwhore · 03/06/2012 09:49

He's not in bed because he's exhausted, he's in bed because he partied too hard.

Therefore leave at the correct time (if you can) OR leave with him late, but make sure he and EVERYONE else knows why you're all late.

I'd be more than cross. Sob and shout at him, go nuclear, get it out, then carry on packing, and leave for your holiday at least knowing he is fully aware of how tired YOU are. x

Sparklingbunting · 03/06/2012 09:50

DH says 'Fucking wake him up and tell him to get a shower'. He still has an hour and ten minutes.

I say go without him.

HTH. Sad

TheArmadillo · 03/06/2012 09:50

Leave him in bed, get ready and leave with your parents/ILs. He can go when he can shift his arse. And worse comes to worse you'll have 2 sets of gps to help you on holiday.

If you've tried waking him up and he's not budging then leave him - don't make him make all of you late adn ruin the start of your holiday.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 09:50

oh i'd be livid! i would go in one last time tell him its 10am, we are all ready to go. you have one hour. then we are leaving. with or without you. it is not fair on the kids or you.

and then go.

anyways if he was drinking at that hour he wouldnt be fit to drive yet.

mumnotmachine · 03/06/2012 09:50

I would leave him there, but then would he follow you down later?
Mine would just stay at home!

PiggyMad · 03/06/2012 09:51

Have you tried to wake him and asked him to get up?
Did you know he would be going out and staying out that late or did he just do it? Seems really selfish to me. I would just go at the planned time and leave him, but then again he might like to be left to his own devices!

welliebobs · 03/06/2012 09:51

He is being very unreasonable. Selfish devil. Kick him out of bed.
You have a right to be extremely pissed off.

Hope you end up havong lovely holiday, when u get there chill and let him look after the kids.

Sparklingbunting · 03/06/2012 09:52

If he follows you down then that's 2 lots of 6 hours worth of petrol, so that's not great ££-wise.

Wigglewoo · 03/06/2012 09:52

So he's so exhausted he can't help you out but he has the nergy to go out partying till 2am?!

Go without him.

waltermittymissus · 03/06/2012 09:52

Leave him there and go without him. He's an arse.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 09:53

at the same time i wouldnt like to leave him, as he gets to sleep and arrive when he wants. i would WANT him to get up and endure a 3 hour car ride with excited kids. selfish prick!

squeakytoy · 03/06/2012 09:57

I am a fairly patient person, but I would be up there screaming into his lughole "get your fucking backside out of that bed NOW"

Pooka · 03/06/2012 09:58

Of course yanbu.

He is being a selfish prick.

I would go at 11 as planned. He can explain to his parents why he's either not shown, or is late.

Twat.

lunamoon · 03/06/2012 09:58

Definately don't pack for him.

Like Aldi says he is only exhausted because he went out.

I also think you are doing far too much generally. You work too.

If he is so out of it can you give him a very hard slap straight across the face?
If he wakes up say something like "Oh thank the Lord for that, I thought you were dead from ALCOHOL POISONING, you selfish twat, now get ready dear we need to go on holiday."

aldiwhore · 03/06/2012 10:01

lunamoon love that idea. I have been known to do that, then act all innocent and use the "I thought you'd stopped breathing" line.

Not that I condone violence at all, but stealth violence is sometimes good for the soul.

dexter73 · 03/06/2012 10:02

I would just get ready and go at 11.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 10:02

lunamoon brilliant idea!!

AceOfBase · 03/06/2012 10:03

I would have the kids jumping on the bed next to him screaming "daddy get up we are on holiday". Or get a pint of water and tell him he can drink it or wear it :o

AceOfBase · 03/06/2012 10:04

Or both...

MrsHelsBels74 · 03/06/2012 10:04

I'd pour water over him, but that's just me & I'm a total grump this morning.

GrahamTribe · 03/06/2012 10:06

He's unreasonable for leaving you with the DC while he goes out if you don't get to do the same, he's unreasonable for not sharing the packing for himself and your (mutual :) ) children but I think the rest of the complaints about chores is just you being tired rather than anything else tbh. EG, you dealt with a puncture but why not, it's your car, you turned a kingsized mattress without DH and went into the attic to get items for your holiday, that's no big deal. You just need a rest. Why bother about DH? If he gets up in time to pack for himself, fine. If he doesn't he can stay home.

All that said I wouldn't be accommodating for him in the packing this morning, so he'd have to remember to pack his own towels/toiletries/whatever as well as clothes. In fact, I'm evil, I'd leave the children with him and enjoy the drive and the first day of the holiday in peace and quiet - well, you had them all yesterday, didn't you? Wink

What worries me far more is that he might be driving after being pissed last night. Your only concern should be to prevent him from doing that. Anything else is his problem, not yours.

Rabbitee · 03/06/2012 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loonytoonie · 03/06/2012 10:11

Thanks to Everyone that's replied. You've actually cheered me up. As much as I love him, DH is the kind to make you feel that you have no right to feel pissed off.

Anyway, IT has dragged it's carcass out of bed after DC started jumping on him (Oh, how I love my children!) and is now in the shower. We are still going to be late starting though because DH has no concept of time saving and has to go through every annoying routine in order to feel that he's 'ready (i.e. I can shower, shampoo and conditioner in under 3 mins - he takes 20 minutes to shower.... and he's almost bald).

I have snapped though and said that I've done tons for this holiday and all he did was roll his eyes...

This on top of having an extremely heavy period (TIM ALERT) so much so that my trip to Tesco's yesterday was a complete and utter embarrassment. You get my drift...

Thanks everyone. You've calmed me down.

OP posts:
Truffkin · 03/06/2012 10:11

He's a selfish twat and I'd most definitely leave him in bed and go without him.

Disclaimer: my husband went out on an unplanned bender yesterday and is snoring in bed after rolling in at 1.30am blaring music from his phone and walking into walls. So I may be projecting Grin

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