AIBU to be angry? Is DH taking the piss?

[Loonytoonie]

DH works hard, v busy time consuming job, so much so that it's me alone that deals with everything at home, including working 4 days a week. We have 2 DC both under 6.

We're driving to Cornwall today, in convoy with my parents and IL's (8 of us in total) and meant to be leaving at 11. He's still in bed. Not packed.

He went out yesterday at 3 with friends and staggered home at 2 this morning. He's barely conscious now.

He left me yesterday to turn a heavy kingsize mattress singlehandedly (it was damp from where littlest one had an accident), I had to get up the attic to look for camping items etc, carry said items down the ladder, change a puncture on my car (that we're using today), PACK for me and DC, pack boxes of supplies, pack up car.

I'm fucking exhausted. Parents are ringing to ask if we're ready and yet again, I have to say that no, we're not. DH still sleeping and not even packed. I'm fucking fuming and knackered and on the verge of tears. Am SORELY tempted to leave at planned time and tell him to follow us in his car.....when he's actually managed to sober up. It's a 3 hr drive and can do it alone.

He's 55 FFS, and while I know he works hard in a pressured job, I support him as much as I can. But I work bloody hard too, and this is no fun today.

Please. I await the MN jury and will cut him some slack if you tell me. At the moment though, I'm ready to sob and shout at the same time.

Th

PLEASE do not do ANYTHING for him for the rest of the holiday.

I am begging you on my knees here woman. Don't pack unpack cook or clean.

Just have fun!

This all sounds so familiar. Dh went out Friday evening and woke us all at 3am setting the fire alarm off toasting crumpets. He then looked all upset when I mentioned it the next day, poor lamb! For women everywhere OP, make him pay!

Once I was so hungover that my husband had to do everything that day. He didn't moan once, took our son to the park and brought me lucozade. When I recovered he took the piss. :) Am I a terrible person too?

Panzee

Was it a day you were about to go on holiday? And also were you often left to do everything at home, as well as work 4 days a week?

Your first mistake was in not negotiating terms before he went out yesterday. Such as, "hang on, matey, if you go out for the day boozing, who are you expecting to do a, b, c, d and e?" That usually works with my dh, who then rushes around doing as many jobs as he can get done, in order to salve his conscience about going ahead anyway.

We both work 5 days a week and both do as little as possible around the house.

I have to admit that i wouldn't go on the lash the day before a holiday - unless I wasn't looking forward to going on holiday. :o

Bit of a different situation then, Panzee

Mate big mines h used to do this. He was having an affair. Roll your eyes all you like. But that's my bet

Hope you are on your way and tgat he has a case full of random clothes and no pants ]

Then my man must be having an affair too Enragia because sometimes he's a lazy uselss oaf as well.

Glad to be of service! Ooh the fun I'd have with that suitcase!

Your second mistake, while I'm on a roll, was to let him lie in until 9.45am when his "tiredness" was entirely self-inflicted. I'd have gently prodded him awake much earlier, with a cup of tea (thus taking the moral highground) and said "we, that's WE, have got loads to do darling. See you downstairs in 10." And then sent various loud kids in to chivvy him if he didn't put in an appearance.
Also, "kindly volunteer" to drive to "help him out" (although that wouldn't need to be a tactic in our house as I tend to do most of the driving anyway) so he can't possibly accuse you of not appreciating his hangover.

Also I have pointed out to my DP that there is a link between housework and sex. I'm not withholding sex or anything like that, but it is true that feeling resentful and knackered doesn't help at all, while feeling cared for and that he can be bothered, and seeing him do chores and be an involved dad, really does affect how I feel about him. That can have an amazing effect :)

I shouldn't complain about my DP because he does actually do a lot, but we have a similar situation with him working more hours than me, and he would let shared responsibilities at home slip, if I let him get away with it.

Actually I'm astonished about how many men I read about on here who will just lie in at the weekend as if they have a right to it. OK if you have teenagers etc, but being left on your own with small DC is constant hard work. Lie-ins should be agreed and fairly shared out. If my DP was just helping himself to a massive lie-in and I never got to do the same, I would go seriously batshit. It's not fair and women should not just pick up the pieces for a man who does that. Whether you are looking after DC or working or both, you are working hard too, you need a rest too.

DH only gets a lie-in if it is his turn for a lie-in. If he has been out drinking too much he still has to get up if it's my lie in day. So would I vice versa. I have made him get up with the kids when he has got up and thrown up several times. Self inflicted illness doesn't cut it in this house!

Also he has done the going out thing before a big day several times, and been quite ill whilst having to do stuff...but has been much better recently and hasn't done this for ages.

I did it once - met up with old friends for lunch...that became very boozy, then turned into evening...but I came back early evening, quite drunk, and did all the washing and packed for the holiday next day. But because I'd got back so early, I felt fine the next day.

Lazy git! You need to stop doing everything. If you don't then he will have to. People can only treat you like a martyr if you let them.

Mate big mines h used to do this. He was having an affair. Roll your eyes all you like. But that's my bet

How bloody stupid.

OP have a lovely holiday. If you want to make general changes to the relationship do it, but don't get bogged down in the advice here and don't tackle it in anger.