Aibu to think v few mothers have 2 kids with them all the time

[Queenie72]

So, I have 2 ds one is 3 months other is 2.5.I gave up work when ds1 was born, and ds1wont start nursery until Sept this year. I feel like Iam literally the only person who hasnt sent their first child to nursery when 2nd one born. Most of the people who have kept child at nursery or with childminder did return to work between children, maybe that is the difference. Luckily ds1 still sleeps 2-3 hours every afternoon and mum often takes him for days out. I just feel I rarely get time alone with ds2 and perhaps did the wrong thing not sending ds1 to nursery in April. Coping with toddler and baby all day everyday is hard work, wouldn't change it for the world but sometimes feel sad I don't get much time,with ds2. Hubby is fab at weekends and evenings so perhaps I am being silly.

I know a few that have 2 or more children with them all day. DD1 is 3.8yo and isn't in pre-school. It is bloody hard work coping with 2! But your DCs are getting to spend a lot of time together. Once they start interacting more then it'll be so cute watching them play.

You are not being silly, it's easy to wonder if you are doing the right thing if it's different to what everyone else is doing. But if it's right for you then that's what matters.

Yes you are being silly. I don't know anyone who has put the older one nursery just because they have another on the way. My best friend has 11 months between hers and neither has ever gone to nursery. I work so don't have both all the time and dd is at school (7 year gap). I feel dd misses out as we used to get plenty of time on our own together, before as cam along in march 2011. So I am the opposite. Unfortunately when you have 2 it sometimes seems you never get enough alone time with either. its just part of having 2, so I do think you are being silly, but get how you feel. one of the reason I liked the big gap was so as got some alone time with ds. But do feel dd misses out a bit.

Fgs I mean before ds came along. :)

YANBU to find it tough but loads of mums have two or more all the time. Those of us with twins or more had no option!

Just relax and do what works for you. Doesn't matter if no one else in the world does it. So long as you and your DC find it suits you all, then it's right.

I had 19 month old twins, no family close by, so I feel your pain
I am literally counting down the days until they start nursery next January for 2 mornings a week
I don't really get a break at the weekends either as we have our own business, so DP works long hours

I had 2 with me all the time. I'm a sahm and have a 23 month gap, so had both with me all the time for over a year.

Had - have!

I know what you mean. I'm at home full time with a two year old and a three month old. a lot of my friends went back to work after the first child and keep nursery days going during maternity leave. Those that don't fall into this category have lots of family help so get one to one time / time to themselves that way.

We couldn't afford nursery so for us it's just tough !

It is tiring though isn't it having both of them 24/7. I sympathise.

I had 3 at home with me. When DS3 was born, I had DS2 (15 months) and DS3 (3Yrs 9Mths)

It was very hard work, especially as DS1 has asd but was undiagnosed and very difficult. I definately spent all my time dealing with DS1 and the babies got very little time .

I used a wrap sling (very comfortable and keeps you 'hands free') for the baby, esp when very little- they just spent the whole day in the sling, and I could carry on as usual with DS1. I felt that being in the sling meant that they still got some attention (especially stroking, cuddling, kissing), and DS1 couldn't harm them (which he would do given the chance).

Now they are 4,6 and 8 and things are much easier. They all play together, have similar interests and are at similar stages. They are currently all lounging about watching Ratatouille!

I have 2 at home full time and a 4 year old who has 15hrs preschool, before that I had 2 at home for a year till ds started nursery, I gave up work after ds1 though so there was no issue of keeping a place open at the cm's you are right though most people I know keep the older one in child care

I had 19 months between my ds and my twin dds. It was hard, but we managed and it does get better.

Seek out others with two or more! And local places that are good for toddlers, eg our leisure centre has a bouncy castle, ride-ons etc.

I have two DDs with the same age gap abd was home with them both for the first 14 months of DD2's life , no childcare or family help. DD1 started preschool just before I went back to work (part-time). Dd1 didn't nap at all in the day.

It was challenging, but after a while I got more confident. It got worse once dd2 was mobile, but by then was used to it. I still find it hard to give attention to both, feel like am always saying no!

Both with me all the time. 18 month age gap, oldest is 2.5 and doesn't start nursery until September. So I will have had both full time for about 18 months. It's hard and I know what you mean but I am enjoying my time with DC1 as I know it will end. Even if it didn't I think I'd be fine as having two toddlers is way further within my comfort zone than a toddler plus baby. Your younger DC will love having older one there do don't worry about that.

The hardest bit for me was when DC2 was between 6 and 9 months and I felt as though I was letting DC1 down with my time. Now DC2 is 14 months and some days are almost fun.

You will get there. You might just have to go into teeth gritting mode for a while though...

I can think of at least 6 MN-ers who have 2 children with them full time & no DP/DH so maybe yes YABU.

That said, it's bloody hard, so no mother should feel bad about getting help from any source ....if you are less stressed then the time you are with them will be much nicer for all concerned.

A friend kept her DD in nursery when DC2 was born. Her DD has some serious resentment issues to work out, so the grass isn't always greener. I feel your pain though, I did it for 2 years largely on my own and it isn't easy. It's worth it now though - DD's are 6 and 4 and get on really well most of the time. DD1 is at school full time and I get time with just DD2 when she's not at preschool. I even get time to myself when they are both at school/pre-school .

I took dd out of nursery when ds was born. She didn't like it much anyway and it didn't really matter seeing as I was home anyway. I had both at home together for about a year. When dd was 3 she started pre school for 2 afternoons a week. Which was actually more hassle than keeping her home as the sessions were only 2 hours.

My dd was at nursery when dd2 was born but it was her preschool IYSWIM so only away for a few hours , I dont know anybody that put eldest child in nursery when new baby came along ,

this sept when ds4 starts school i shall only have dd at home, it will be the first time since ds2 was born that i have only had one child at home with me! we home-schooled for a while and ds1 and ds2 didnt go to school full time until they were 9 and 6, but which time i had ds3 and ds4 as well!

i am going tofind it really odd come sept tbh, but i know plenty of people that have 2 at home if not full time at least most of the time and yes it is hard at times but its hugely enjoyable and i wouldnt have done it any other way.

and i agree with the poster that says the pre-school sessions that are only 2-3hrs are worse as you barely get home from dropping them off before you have to turn around and go back out again!

What's your question, exactly? If you want to send your oldest to nursery, you'd be perfectly justified in doing so; but, no, it's not unusual at all to be in your situation. Different people make different choices.

I had three at home with me, with my eldest at school.

Didn't really struggle at all I'm glad to say. I was always on top of the little darlings, feed times were TV or books if they started to mess, I know we spent a lot of time outside at the park.

On a site like this, you are bound to have lots of people saying "I did it!" but within your circle of friends, I am not surprised that you are in the minority. I was. DS1 was 16 months when DS2 was born and it was blooming hard work, there is no doubt! Everyone in my NCT group went back to work after 9-12 months, at least part time and a lot of other people I met did put their older one in nursery before the second arrived, even if they weren't working. There's no right or wrong, you just have to do what is right for you. When DS1 turned 2, I did send him to a little playgroup for one session a week - 2.5 hours, just so that I could have a couple of hours with the little one on my own. Do whatever you are comfortable with, but be assured that it DOES get easier over time (mine play together independently very well now, but they fight like cat and dog - now nearly 4 and 2.5)

I had three with me all the time at one point and my husband worked away during the week too!

It's not so unusual, but it's also not unreasonable to struggle with 2 or more.

Sorry, what is this thread about.

What is it that you think Y might be U about?

I was a SAHM for 8 years, and after a while is WAS the hardest thing I've ever done, mostly because you are 'entertainer' for most of the time and it can be very difficult in 'funny' ways, constantly being creative and upbeat!

I am happier now I'm working again, I work full time, and although after childcare and petrol I haven't much left what I've gained in sanity is immense.

YANBU. Being a half decent SAHM is hard in many many ways, with hindsight my SAHM years were the glory years which I crave, already I long for that freedom of 'timetable', for that "I am the boss" feeling... but MY reality is that working full time is a LOT easier emotionally (though my goodness I miss my kids but come september they wouldn't be at home anyway!) the technical stuff, the housework, etc., well I get it done before and after work, and strangely its EASIER now I have less time to do it!

My ideal would probably be a decently paid job share, term time only, able to do the school runs... but I've found after 8 years out of work beggars can't be choosers. Chin up. Whatever we do as mums/parents there's a sacrifice, but all things considered, what each of us do has stress, pressure, and guilt involved to some extent... therefore YANBU, and neither is the next person who comes on saying they WISH they could SAH, or that they wish they could lessen their hours etc etc etc., we're all bloody awesome in my opinion, seeing it from both sides, and none of it is easy and lovely all the time. Savour it, time with BOTH children leaves neither out, but at weekends, if your DH is great, leave the youngest with him for a couple of hours and take the eldest off somewhere, even if its the supermarket doing chores!

I reduced by DD from 4 days to 2 1/2 days at nursery when DS was born, but she had been going for 2 yrs and loved going.

And to be honest, I needed the time with DS and I couldn't keep her going.

DD & DS are very close (bar the usual sibling stuff) and I have a great relationship with both (bar the usual grumpy mum stuff).

DO what you think is best for you and your family.

Also, I work full time now and DH does the bulk of the childcare, and I am still close to my DC (and my DH). I love and need to work, although ideally I would be part time, that just ins't an option at the moment.

What feels right for your family is probably right for it.