I'm freaking out a little bit!!

[stealthpenguin]

OK, it's been months since I've been on here so I reckon everyone should be up to speed.

I've got PND, I'm coping and things are slowly getting better. I live with DP and PIL's because we're unable to get our own place. His MIL drives me absolutely potty because, as lovely as she is, she doesn't seem to understand how tough I have it at the moment, and can be very hard on me in her own way. She's explained that this is just her way of supporting me - by pushing me harder than everyone else so that I'll be so occupied with everything that my PND won't be as bad, IYSWIM. I have one DS who's 10 months old.

OK, so I'm going insane and losing sleep and freaking out a little bit. DP is doing incredibly in work, has really impressed everyone and the manager has told him that by September he'll be full-time, the store trainer and the under-25 union representative. This is all brilliant because he'll be on around 20K and we can see about renting a small place while we save up the deposit for our mortgage.

This has really thrown me because, as happy as I am for him and for getting our own space to breathe and relax, I've never been the head of a household before!

I'm lying awake with worry wondering if I'm going to be able to cope with everything. What do I need? What are the essentials? What about meal plans? Housework charts? Storage space? What kind of hoover do I get?!?!

I'm panicking a little, so I would love it if everyone could maybe reassure me a little, and perhaps offer some advice? For example, I'd love some ideas on how to plan out a balanced diet for everyone.

And breaaaaaaaathe!

One thing at a time!

The basics you'll need are:

Something to cook with
Something to eat from
Something to drink from
Bed covers (you probably already have)
Towels
Tea towels
Things to occupy DS (you already have these!)

TBH, furniture etc can wait - I lived for a year without a bed (not ideal but manageable) - as long as your DS is comfy the rest doesn't matter.

There are lots of healthy meal plans on the government's eat well website (forget the exact address - it's the one that was advertised on TV a lot last year!) They even have a facility where you can put in the ingredients you have available and they'll suggest a recipe.

Take a deep breath - no-one would expect you to have a fully stocked house straight away! It takes time (and lots of £) to get things exactly the way you want them!

HTH

Yoooohooooo penguin even though you probably have no idea who I am
I remember feeling like you, just before I left home to move in with my then fiance for the first time. I actually asked my mam "but how will I go shopping? how will I know what to buy?"
The only bit of what she said that I can remember is "make a list" - decide what you want to eat each day, roughly, and buy what you need to make it with.
When you set up a kitchen, you'll need all those things that you then only have to buy every so often, the "store cupboard staples" as the TV chefs like to call them. Let us help make many many lists let's face it, MNetters are good at lists and shoppings and food planning and can happily spend hours planning other people's for them
I'll be back - no2 son has just done a ginormous BANG from upstairs...

Stop. Breathe.

PP has given you a really good list. You will discover what needs to be done housework wise because you'll look at it and realise it doesn't clean itself. I find if I do lots in the morning when I first get up and a quicker whizz round in the evening before DH gets home it doesn't feel quite so overwhelming. Furniture wise you could look at renting furnished or see if there is a furniture recycling shop near you; basically a charity shop just for furniture. We bought all the furniture for a 2 bedroom house from one of these and they delivered it all. Primark and Matalan are great for getting you started with towels, bedding, plates, cutlery etc.

Get into a good routine from the start, if you don't drive make sure you live somewhere close to shops, park, children's centre etc so you aren't isolated and enjoy your freedom!

I had dd quite young ended up falling out with mother and having to move into a place with then DP and pregnant well i was in a b n b , but thats another story and not a clue what i was supposed to do

you will need somewhere to sit

somewhere to sleep

and kitchen things if you are renting there maybe be a stocked kitchen anyway washing machine fridge etc ,

make lists dont try and go over board with trying to get everything at once

make meals simple

It will be fine and maybe get your MIl to help when you move

How exciting for you all. I guess it's a bit nerve-racking to contemplate everything but you'll muddle along just fine.

It might be best to find somewhere that is part-furnished so that you already have the basics, which you can then add to as needed, money allows and time goes on.

Free-cycle is great for things like second hand hoovers, microwaves, music systems etc, even plants and rugs and what great is that it's all free.

The first thing I bought when I left home was a big desk & some filing boxes so I could get organised with bills and paperwork. It's essential to make sure you have contents insurance, you have covered the water, elec, gas, council tax, rent, telephone and all the other bills. Think about setting up direct debits for all of them, it's a huge weight off just to know it's all being covered.

Argos do a new homes pack of kitchen essentials, with cups, plates, cutlery, glasses, pots etc, really cost effective way to get the basics.

Have a look in the charity shops for a really good and comprehensive BIG cookery book with all the basic stuff in, how to make batter, cook eggs, bake a cake or fry an omelette type of cook book.

Hi PomBears! I know you haha!

Ok, so I've put DS in his cot for his nap and I'm now sat here with a cup of tea feeling much stronger. I'm far more relaxed now I know everyone else seems to go through this. The way I was going on, you'd think I was the first person to start up a household in the history of humanity! Sorry about that, my PND isn't helped by the fact that sometimes I'm so overemotional about some things.

I'm thinking about every day, for 5 minutes, just sitting at the computer and stockpiling recipes, hints, tips, ideas and lists into one massive Word document. That way, when it does come to moving out into our own place, I won't feel quite like I'm drowning in responsibility!

Hey stealth, well done to your DP, you must be so proud of him!

Could you ask your parents/PILs to put together a box of older household stuff they no longer use to get you started? Then you can just go and buy stuff as and when you realise you need it. Second Primark and Matalan for inexpensive but very good household stuff. We've got towels, bedding, cookware etc bought there to tide us over years ago, but it's still going strong.

Can you ask around to see if there's a good auction house near you to pick up some cheap furniture? If you happen to be in North Yorks there's an excellent one at Hampsthwaite- DB and DSIL got a really good sofa for £2 once!

Maybe you could ask your MIL to involve you a bit more in the shopping and cooking so you can start to get an idea of the Dark Art of Meal Planning- lots of threads about it on here too.

Good luck!

Get married and make a gift list :o

Hi stealth i just wanted to say maybe trying to organise it all before you move is making you go a bit ARGHHHHH I know you want to make a go of it but perhaps just chill out take each task at a time PND is horrible and trying to over load yourself maybe isnt helping ,

It's all abit trial and error at the start and half the fun is learning how to run your house

Get your DS sorted and then work round him. You really don't need that much stuff at first, we sat on deck chairs for 6 months till we got a sofa.

it is trial and error i dont think everybody has it sussed , we ate many burned dinners

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling soo much better.

I think I might have to have my MIL teach me some more about shopping and things - she's already taught me how to iron, hang out washing on pegs, hand-wash delicate items, how to mop floors and how to work all the different settings and attachments on the hoover!

Yes - I really was that useless. My mother isn't much of a "mum", more like my older sister, so I never learned anything like that before.

I remember being incredibly daunted by starting off in a new home for the first time. Where do you start?!

Perhaps you could try not to worry about it, but instead turn it into daydreams. Make it a window shopping project, scrap-booking, an excuse to flick through magazines (if you've time!) etc.

You can gradually, room by room, build up a picture of all the things you'd like to have to start you off, then you can begin getting one or two pieces when you see them on offer, or asking those around you if they have a spare one.

I'll never forget the feeling of excitement when I was given my first (2nd hand) hoover!

www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Illustrated-Cookery-Classic-Edition/dp/0563214546/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1338555877&sr=8-8

This is the book you need for cookery. It tells you everything from more complex recipes to how to boil an egg. It was my bible as I started off.

I also have a recipe box, and I can sit down with that every week to do my meal plan. Planning meals with common ingredients cuts costs too.

It sounds as though MIL, difficult as she might be, will help out with the practicalities. So you get the house together gradually, and can move in only when you're ready.

One thing I found worked well when I moved into a new place was to invite a big group of friends round to help - they cleaned and painted the living room and the bedroom and I provided the takeaway. In my experience, people often live to be asked this sort of thing.

I still don't know what all the nozzles on my Hoover are for and I'm 40 and have owned my own home for 15 years!

I like the sound of friends coming over! I make a mean spaghetti bolognese with homemade garlic bread. Maybe I can offer them that!!

And up until two weeks ago I had no idea there were two different settings on my hoover - hard floor and carpet. I was so impressed with the hoover! I was like "WOW!"

That Delia book has been ordered.......

With food if you are on a budget/new cook start with the carbs e.g.

potatoes
rice
couscous
bread
pasta

Pick a carb and then add two or three veg and a simple meat or fish thing to go with eg. oven baked sausages, oven baked salmon, chicken wings etc. When I had DD I could cook very little and I kept to this plan for years as even when I was tired I could get an idea of what I could do.

Poor DD and DH ate an awful lot of bad meals whenever I veered away from this plan but now I have a simple soup recipe and simple curry recipe, I can bodge a risotto and occasionally bake a cake but DD is almost 7 now so progress has obviously been slow!

MiL sounds like her heart is in the right place.

You could turn things around and occupy HER. Get her to organise it all for you. You'd get everything organised and get her off your back for a while, plus she gets to feel like she's played a significant part. Everybody's happy :)

Make lists.

Go around every room of where you are now and make a list of what is in there. You don't need everything to start so look at what you use most in each of these rooms as basics.

If you know how to operate your MILs hoover can you buy the same? Ditto washing machine/cooker/kettle etc

Look at what you are eating over the next month. Work out what you need to buy to make those meals plus the equipment.

Look at what cleaning stuff your MIL has and how she works her way around the house with a routine if she has one.

You don't have to ask MIL if you struggle with her, just watch.

I have seen a book recently that divides a house into zones to tell you how to clean it. I cannot for the life of me remember what it was but look in a book shop for one. Ditto a recipe book.

Aw glad to help I love my copy. It's actually a secondary copy as I gave my original to a friend to start her off!

You've had good advice here. Remember that some things are important (shopping within a budget so you eat well but don't go bankrupt) and some things are less important (which hoover to buy - as long as it works, is within your budget and gets the crap off your floor, the rest is irrelevant. My £30 Tesco own brand hoover won't be winning any Good Housekeeping awards for best appliance any time soon but it does the job). Prioritise the important things and learn to accept 'good enough' for everything else, it saves a lot of stress.

I wouldn't get your MIL to organise it all, because I think it is important that you make this new place yours. Think about how you would like it to be. Then think about how you're going to make that happen, and ask your MIL for help on the bits where you're not sure how to do it.

I would start simple - fill the house with essentials, and then, as you're settled, add more stuff in if you spy a gap or a way to make life easier, so:

Bed for you & DP, bed for your DC
Bedroom storage space (wardrobes and chest of drawrers for clothes/socks/underwear, some form of toy storage for DC)
Clothes airer
Sofa to sit on
Table to eat at
Cooker, oven, kettle, toaster
Fridge, freezer, washing machine
Storage for books/dvds etc if you have lots

Curtains (if not provided), towels, sheets

This is what we did when DP and I started out in our own place (well, minus the washing machine actually, which was a pain in the arse and I nearly cried with gratitude when my parents bought us one after 5 months of lugging everything to the launderette in the next town). You then find yourself thinking, after a while 'ooh, wouldn't it be handy/nice if we had a thing to do x' and you find yourself buying a shoerack to stop the pile of shoes in the hallway, or some potted plants to cheer up the living room, or a little table to sit the printer on because you keep tripping over it on the floor. That stuff is all secondary, and it'll come.

Mealplanning - I make a list in two parts: one with the days of the week, what I want to eat which day, and what ingredients are needed that I don't already have in the house (so it might say 'Monday, mushroom risotto - mushrooms, onions, stock cube, cheese' but no risotto because there's still a pack in the cupboard) and the second part with 'general' stuff that's needed but not for a particular day - so looroll, bin bags, milk, bread, snacks. Then I go online and order the lot of it because I hate going shopping and I always spend more than I mean to if I actually go in.

Cleaning routine - umm, my house looks like a bomb's gone off so I'll leave that one to someone else :o

So I've tried the housework-planning. That hasn't gone as planned.

MIL has been like a dodgy shotgun all week, going off at the most random of times and normally in my direction. She screamed at me because I wasn't being very helpful, then she screamed at me that she'd do the dishwasher because she's the only one who loads it properly, then she screamed at everyone that she's the only one who gets things done around the house............

I did point out that if she stopped biting everyone's heads off then we'd all be far more helpful, but that just got another barrage of abuse.

stealth it sounds like she is possibly feeling tense about you all leaving and wants you to appreciate what she does for everyone maybe?

There are loads of good threads in the good housekeeping section and the flylady website has a good housework routine.

You will be fine

Hello!
Can I recommend joining your local Freecycle/Freegle website? I don't live in a particularly affluent area, but there are always people willing to give away useful, good quality stuff for free. Recently I got a 14 inch flat screen TV/DVD combi from some kind-hearted chap!
Good Luck to you both