I'm freaking out a little bit!!

[stealthpenguin]

OK, it's been months since I've been on here so I reckon everyone should be up to speed.

I've got PND, I'm coping and things are slowly getting better. I live with DP and PIL's because we're unable to get our own place. His MIL drives me absolutely potty because, as lovely as she is, she doesn't seem to understand how tough I have it at the moment, and can be very hard on me in her own way. She's explained that this is just her way of supporting me - by pushing me harder than everyone else so that I'll be so occupied with everything that my PND won't be as bad, IYSWIM. I have one DS who's 10 months old.

OK, so I'm going insane and losing sleep and freaking out a little bit. DP is doing incredibly in work, has really impressed everyone and the manager has told him that by September he'll be full-time, the store trainer and the under-25 union representative. This is all brilliant because he'll be on around 20K and we can see about renting a small place while we save up the deposit for our mortgage.

This has really thrown me because, as happy as I am for him and for getting our own space to breathe and relax, I've never been the head of a household before!

I'm lying awake with worry wondering if I'm going to be able to cope with everything. What do I need? What are the essentials? What about meal plans? Housework charts? Storage space? What kind of hoover do I get?!?!

I'm panicking a little, so I would love it if everyone could maybe reassure me a little, and perhaps offer some advice? For example, I'd love some ideas on how to plan out a balanced diet for everyone.

And breaaaaaaaathe!

But that's the thing, Tory - we aren't leaving. Not for at least another 6 months, maybe even a year. So I don't get why she's being so contradictory!

How old is your MiL?

And might I suggest a visit to the Good Housekeeping forum on MN?
Very helpful ladies there.

I agree with Naoko that you don't want to be organised by MIL, you need to find your own feet. That said, I think you've got the perfect opportunity to learn from her over the next 6 months, even if that means learning you don't like the way she does some things and you'd rather do them differently.

Would you be able to sit down with her and work out a rota of chores and who's going to do what? When I moved in with Mr Zillion we worked out a list of what needed to be done, and how long it would take, and then divided it up. We were both working full time so we split it equally. Think of shopping, cooking, laundry, bins and recycling, sorting out bills, garden, DIY, as well as cleaning of each room. It might be that with MIL she won't be willing to relinquish control over eg the dishwasher, but would be less upset about vacuuming.

I agree with freecycle for furniture, we gave away a dining table and chairs recently. I would suggest that you write a little bit about your family in any requests. We were more inclined to give things away to people who sounded nice/polite/in need.

I know it sounds really old-fashioned, but I have the Dairy Book of Home Management (maybe from the 80s?). It has lots of useful info, like which jobs need doing every day (empting waste paper baskets etc), which should be done weekly, how to use washing machines, best ways to cook food etc. I've really found it invaluable since I left home (25 years ago!) and still refer to it now. It will give you a good laugh too, as some of it is dated (particularly the make-up tips) but it does have a lot of good advice on how to run a home. I expect you could probably get one on ebay here. Good luck - it will all work out fine I'm sure. It's not as hard as you might imagine.

Since you have internet you can watch 'How to..' videos on Utube. Everything, from how to iron a shirt to how to clean windows, gardening etc.
Also, on many cooking websites there are videos too. The BBC GoodFood is good site imo.

Regarding the cleaning don't be panicked with the millions of products in the market. All you need is bleach for the toilet and one all purpose bottle or even better a bottle of white vinegar and birc soda. With that you can wipe kitchen surfaces, bathroom, taps, clean windows and floors.

I echo the filling system for your paperwork.
Also get some plastic boxes from poundshop for tidying.

Asda sells very cheap suff like kitchenware etc some good. Cutlery, plates, pasta drainer, bakeware, etc. Poundshop cheap stuff for garden, light bulbs, batteries, tupperware etc.

You will be ok.

A friend of mine does voluntary work for a charity (may be called Homestart or similar?) which supports young families. Her role is to visit once a week and offer the sort of help that a mother would give so, e.g. she will not come and clean but she will help show how to do and plan it, same with finance and form-filling. Even if you don't fit their criteria for a helper they may be able to give you some advice/guidance/information

Everyone has given great advice on things to consider for your new home, but the most important thing really is making sure all the boring bills are paid!

I'm sure that there is a spreadsheet about budgeting on www.moneysavingexpert.com and you may do something like this anyway, but you'll need to consider:

home contents insurance
water bills
gas & electric bills
landline phone bills
tv/sky bills
council tax

It all adds up but at least if you're aware of what needs to be spent each month on these, you'll know what you have left to spend on cushions and gadgets

Good luck with it all.