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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if our marriage has any chance?

53 replies

Lizcat · 31/05/2012 20:42

H must not continue to be friends with the OW. Well that's it really? He is still meeting her, texting etc. He was shocked that I made this a condition of any attempt to work through our issues at our first relate meeting.

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 31/05/2012 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 21:08

What a totally unreasonable man. Get rid of him, be nice if you could boil him in oil first.

Eglu · 31/05/2012 21:10

What a prick. How could he think that it was reasonable to still have contact. Good for you staying strong.

marriedinwhite · 31/05/2012 21:10

Oh Lizcat - have been married for an eternity and been through many ups and downs. You are probably much younger than me. Give yourself a chance to find a man who deserves you and will make you happier - let the next decade be a better one. That's not to say it won't be hard. But it will be hard in the short term for a better future.

Am so sorry for what you are going through - it isn't dv and it isn't unspeakable but it isn't acceptable and you surely deserve better.

GetTheeToANunnery · 31/05/2012 21:13

Of course yanbu! What a total dick he is!

Dprince · 31/05/2012 21:24

Well he sounds like a selfish test imo. It isn't that he doesn't understand, he doesn't care. It may not feel like it now, but you're not losing much really. Sounds like he wants to keep her, but he knows its him that will financially struggle. He wants the best of both worlds. Well done you. Tell him to take his sorry ass out of the house and fuck off. I am not normally a 'leave the bastard' type but I reaaly think he is a bastard and you are doing the right thing.

Dprince · 31/05/2012 21:25

I meant a selfish twat. Not test.

blueglue · 31/05/2012 21:28

All I can think is that:

a) he values her over you

or

b) he is extremely stupid and cannot understand the consequences of staying in contact with the OW

either way...he's a twat

Xales · 31/05/2012 21:28

I am so sorry for you Sad

At least you know where you stand early on. His relationship with her is more important than his relationship with you.

Have you been to an STI clinic?

Good luck /hugs

Oh and you are so not being unreasonable.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2012 21:31

why is he still in contact
indicates he's not over her

Original poster
Lizcat · 31/05/2012 22:03

Well I've told him he needs to find a new home. Don't need to visit an STI clinic as he hasn't had sex with me since the affair started. Just got to work out now how I break my beautiful little girl's heart.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/05/2012 22:05

make him do it

scottishmummy · 31/05/2012 22:14

he's chosen her in preference to you
time to move on

EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 22:18

I'm sorry, it must be so hard to tell your dc. You can't change it though, it takes two of you.

Original poster
Lizcat · 31/05/2012 22:33

Thank you ladies. I think this is the hardest thing I have done in my life.

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 22:34

Aw lizcat a tough time really feel for you.

AnyFucker · 31/05/2012 22:39

really sorry, love x

Squinty · 31/05/2012 22:44

I feel so sad for you. And for your hurt. And for your little girl. All the best, praying for you tonight and wishing you well...xxxx

Kleptronic · 31/05/2012 22:47

Lizcat you are brave and sensible, I salute you, my hat is off.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2012 22:54

dreadful
he's such a letdown
no way to treat you.

lovebunny · 31/05/2012 23:03

reading this takes me back 25 years to the night someone phoned and told me my then-husband was having an affair. my daughter was 4. she's on mn nowadays. we survived. you've a lot to face but you're doing the right thing, lizcat. good luck to you.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2012 23:08

nice supportive post

MsPaperbackWriter · 31/05/2012 23:13

You are a strong brave woman who deserves the world. Fuck him the loser, can you get him out of the house asap? Move on and hold your head high x

Angelico · 31/05/2012 23:19

He sounds like a complete and utter twat. So sorry OP - but big respect for grabbing by the balls and tossing him out. You'll be fine x

TheCrackFox · 31/05/2012 23:21

You are clearly too good for him. Sorry you are going through this, stay strong xx

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