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AIBU?

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Original poster

To worry I won't love DS2 as much as DS1

47 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 31/05/2012 18:43

I absolutely adore my son, he is my main focus in life & my number 1 priority (that's not to say I don't enjoy time apart occasionally). Number 2 is due in September & I worry that I can't possibly love anyone else as much as I love my son.

My mum assures me that 'you just do' but I continue to worry, I really don't want to have favourites.

OP posts:
wheniwasoneihadjustbegun · 31/05/2012 18:44

YANBU. But you will, really you will Smile.

diabolo · 31/05/2012 18:44

That was one of the reasons I only had one DC.

People think I'm mad, but I can't help how I think.

tara0202 · 31/05/2012 18:50

I really really worried about this op! Especially as I just don't bond with my pregnancies.

I really felt that I loved my dd so much it just might not be possible that there would be room in me to love another!

I had my ds 3 weeks ago today and can.honestly say that you just do! I totally love him already just as much as dd.

I wasn't convinced though whilst.pregnant! I'm sure you'll be totally fine. Enjoy your new baby when he arrives :-)

Gottalovecosta · 31/05/2012 18:53

YANBU, but you will. :-)

Sittinginthesun · 31/05/2012 18:54

Oh you will. It just doubles!

feetheart · 31/05/2012 18:55

Someone told me that love was like a chocolate cake - with every child you just get another cake :)

I too worried about this and remember sitting on floor of DD's room crying my eyes out just before DS was born, worrying that I was about to ruin her life - I don't think I have yet.
Its normal, its hormones and it will be fine.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 18:56

I've got two DSs and you will. You really will. At times you will be pissed off with one or the other (generally not at the same time, because they are good at being "good" at different times Grin).

I actually found the baby bit easier with DS2 because I was more relaxed, so I bonded more quickly, but now they are 9 and 11 and I love them the same amount

CODwidow · 31/05/2012 18:57

I really worried about this when having ds 2 to the point that I bought on PND but I can assure now I'm on baby number 5 that you really do love them all, you find time for all of them, promise you! Smile

MsVestibule · 31/05/2012 18:59

My first pregnancy was thrilling, exciting, couldn't stop thinking "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant!". Took me a few weeks to fall in love with her when she was born, but I got there.

My second pregnancy was a bit "meh". Would even forget I was pregnant for hours at a time. Fell in love with him a few days after he was born, so absolutely no danger you don't love DC2 as much!

lilolilmanchester · 31/05/2012 19:01

YANBU to think about it, but as someone put it to me (probably my wise old Mum) - a whole new love is born with the new baby - it's not like you've got a finite amount that you have to share between the two. Just you see x

Lifeissweet · 31/05/2012 19:02

I was like feetheart. I felt like I was cheating on DS when I had DD. I felt horrible and guilty and cried a lot about how I couldn't love another one as much - but of course I do - and just as importantly, DS ADORES her. So I love her for making him happy too!

Bibulus · 31/05/2012 19:02

I feel the same way OP - when I found out we were going to have another DD I thought, 'how can I possibly love another one as much as DD1?' It was the main reason why I was hoping for a DS this time - I could picture the difference more easily iyswim.

Let's just see how it goes shall we? But think of it this way - I've never heard a mum say that she doesn't love her second as much as her first. But I've heard loads, and loads, of women marvel at how it's possible to find enough love inside you that the second is just as loved as the first!

worrywortisworrying · 31/05/2012 19:09

OK... I'm going to be a voice of reason here.

You may not love the new baby as much as you love your son. I didn't. My DD is 13 months younger than my DS, and while I ADORED him. she was merely an intereference in our lovely routine.

Other friends have said that they adored the new baby and felt that the elder child was the problem.

If either of these situations occur, PLEASE ask for help. It took me a good 9 months to feel OK about my DD. I never asked for help. She is now coming up 3 and is, quite honestly, the delight of my life. I still adore my son. He will always be my PFB, but my daughter is such a complete delight to have in my life. I adore her differently but just as much as my son.

So, just to say, it isn't always perfect from day 1 and do ask for help or support if you feel you need it.

xx

jamdonut · 31/05/2012 19:10

I felt the same way!! I just didn't think it was possible to love another child as much as my DS1, and i was very worried about it all the way through my pregnancy,with tears and everything! DH thought I was barmy. But it all disappeared as soon as DD1 was born, and I had no problem when DS2 came along! Smile

Pozzled · 31/05/2012 19:18

I remember thinking about this before DD2 was born. But when she arrived I absolutely adored her. I actually found it easier to bond the second time as I knew what to expect- with DD1 I found it hard to adjust to the reality of being a parent.

DD2 is almost a year now, and I love them both so much. And they love each other so much, it's lovely to see.

As worrywort says, if you feel it's a problem, do seek help. Hopefully you'll have the same experience as me and many others here.

post · 31/05/2012 19:23

They bring their own love with them, I find.

zukiecat · 31/05/2012 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePetiteMummy · 31/05/2012 19:32

I was going to post the exact same question op, we're expecting dc2 in July, when dd will be 2.4. Feeling very reassured by all the replies! Interesting about the comment about hoping for a ds when you have a dd, so there's more of a difference, this has also crossed my mind, as we have chosen not to find out the sex.

musicposy · 31/05/2012 19:34

I felt just the same. I was a bit down the whole pregnancy with DD2, felt I was betraying DD1 and could never love another child like her. I resented the pregnancy a bit, tbh. DH had kind of persuaded me into a second and I was quite resentful.

The minute she was born, I absolutely adored her. Felt so guilty about how I had felt during the pregnancy and still, years later, have to consciously not beat myself up over it.

For a while it almost went the other way - I adored DD2 to the exclusion of everything else - and I felt guilty about that too. But after all those hormones had settled and DD2 grew out of babyhood (I think you can be very protective of a baby and DD1 was 3 1/2, a much more challenging age), it all evened out. For all their childhood I've adored them both in equal measure.

They are teens now and both very different people. I absolutely love and adore them both equally and couldn't say I loved one more than the other. I guess I have a kind of "really close bond, will always be my PFB" feeling for DD1 and more of a "love her so much, will always be my baby" kind of feeling for DD2. So it's a bit different, but neither one is more than the other.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, except that it will almost certainly be completely fine. :)

bibbitybobbitybunny · 31/05/2012 19:37

Why do you worry?

You must surely have heard more women than just your Mum saying that they love all their children equally?

Sounds to me like you are finding something to worry about.

musicposy · 31/05/2012 19:38

The different sex thing crossed my mind too during pregnancy. What I hadn't grasped is that even two of the same sex will be utterly different to each other, different personalities, different people.

People used say it must be a shame having two the same because you can't tell them they're the most wonderful boy/ girl in the whole world. But I just used to say it to both of them. :)

Noqontrol · 31/05/2012 19:47

YANBU. I felt the same when I was expecting ds. It's true what other people say though, they do bring their own love with them. I love my two in different ways, but it's still equal.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 19:50

People seem to think that there is only 'so much' love and that if you love one it takes away from another! It doesn't. It won't be the same-they are different but I bet you will look back at this and think 'how can I have thought that!'

Nagoo · 31/05/2012 19:50

my friend told me that the older one gets more annoying where the baby one is still cute, so it kind of levels off. I can say that I have found this to have a grain of truth Grin

Shakey1500 · 31/05/2012 19:52

Ahhh, my sister had the exact same fear. She worried that she wouldn't love another child as much as her DS. All unfounded. As soon as her DD arrived the whole family was besotted, all the worries were forgotten.