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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or would I be completely stingy...

65 replies

noobydoo · 31/05/2012 12:12

for not giving children party bags at DS part?

Firstly, when I get one the first thing I do is throw it in the bin.
Secondly, they are so expensive if they are filled and too much of a faff if they aren't (especially considering there will be approx 30 kids coming).
Lastly, they will be coming to the party, enjoying the food (hopefully) the play and the cake - which now I have costed it works out at £7 a head.

Your thoughts please on whether I am a stingy so and so.

OP posts:
AKMD · 31/05/2012 12:14

Yes, I think it would be a teency bit mean to give them nothing, sorry. Party bags make no sense to me at all and I would gladly give them a pass but children are conditioned to expect them. Can you just get 30 bags and put a slice of wrapped up cake in each of them?

marathonrunner · 31/05/2012 12:14

You do seem to be spending a lot and I agree I often throw them in the bin. Maybe compromise and pick up a couple of big bags of lollies and have them in a bowl by the door and the kids could take one or two on the way out?? Wouldn't cosy more than £3-4.

CailinDana · 31/05/2012 12:15

I don't get party bags at all, what is the point of them? Back when I was a lass (hark at me) you might get a sandwich bag at the end with leftover cake and food if you were lucky. I can't believe parents nowadays actually go out and waste money on plastic tat to put in specially bought bags. I definitely won't be doing it.

ShatnersBassoon · 31/05/2012 12:17

I don't think YABU to not want to put party bags together, but I think YABU to throw away what your children are given at other people's parties Confused (it isn't you that's given them).

redskyatnight · 31/05/2012 12:17

Give each child a piece of cake, a balloon and a lolly as they go out. Minimal expense and gets round the giving them "something" dilemma.

Bingdweller · 31/05/2012 12:17

We did party cones for DS party this year - really well made and full of retro sweets and a wee thank you message on each one from DS. They worked out at £1.50 each but we had 20 kids so was happy to pay this. Can't bear plastic tat and put it straight in the bin although the kids love it!

SarkyWench · 31/05/2012 12:18

I don't do plastic tat

But I do get bags and put in a very large pieces of cake and a handful of cheap sweets/lollipops.
And maybe some of the balloons that I couldn't be arsed to blow up.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/05/2012 12:18

I wouldnt bother - who is ever gonna remember. Granted that kids love party bags but once they get home they wont remember they didnt get one!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/05/2012 12:19

Puts head above the barrier... checks if it's safe...

I'm probably in a minority of 3 (the other 2 being DD and DS) but ..
Yes, completely stingey.

It's part of the whole deal, IMHO.
How old is your DS?

They don't have to be expensive really- a balloon, bit of cake, lollipop, Haribo sweets and some other sweeties (chocolate coins, Mini Mars Bar) a small yoy- pencil, pack of cards ,M&S bath things (you can get good value multipack shower gels in tubes)

Yes I know it probably gets chucked out. But my DC delight in looking through their Treasure Bags after a party.

nancy75 · 31/05/2012 12:22

tesco do 6 packs of bubbles quite cheaply - every kid loves a poty of bubbles!

idontbelieveanymore · 31/05/2012 12:24

YANBU - if you do not want to do party bags then don't! I certainly never 'expect' a party bag for the kids at parties.

However, my kids love them and get very excited about what plastic stuff is in there and I always do party bags for parties but try to find more quality goods. Less is more Smile

Scootergrrrl · 31/05/2012 12:25

You can avoid the plastic tat - which does normally end up in the bin - but I don't think you can get out of the giving out of something at the end of the party, unless you want 30 children to go home crying. You can get cellophane cones on ebay which you can fill with sweets fairly cheaply and they look really impressive. Or what about a multipack of books from the Book People and a lolly?

BlackAffronted · 31/05/2012 12:26

Kids love party bags though! Id couldnt send them home empty handed ... maybe a book or something useful/nice?

Thetokengirl · 31/05/2012 12:27

YANBU
I remember a friend did a pirate themed party for one of her DS's with a treaure hunt for chocolate coins at the end. All the children also got cake to take home. She was [shocked] and Angry at how many asked where the party bags were at the end!

I also dislike them and throw DS's away as soon as they get home

An0therName · 31/05/2012 12:30

YBU children expect them - but I don't do very exciting ones - buy the bags from the supermarket, sweets, and then some cake - possibly stickers - little bit of a faff but not much really
I also thinks it mean to throw the party bags away

UphillBothWays · 31/05/2012 12:33

The best thing about party bags are the way the signal "home time now mummy needs a glass of wine "

So I'd do slice of cake and a balloon for that reason alone

AKE2012 · 31/05/2012 12:36

My child was at a party, each child got a box of chocolates and colouring pencils. On the way home we met one of her friends and she said look what i got but i didnt get a party bag. She was quite quickly told off. Children expect them although parents could do without them as they go in the bin. Even if you buy bags and put in a piece of cake, a few balloons, bubbles and some chocolate. It doesnt have to b expensive.

camdancer · 31/05/2012 12:39

YABU, they are a very important thing to have at a party. The children expect it, but they serve the important task of getting people to leave at the end. Once one child has their bag, all the others want theirs. Everyone goes quite quickly and the whole thing is over. For younger children (less than 4) it is a good way to get the child to put down your child's toy that they have been playing with before they walk off with it.

They don't have to be fancy. Just a bag with a couple of sweets and one nasty cheap plastic toy. It is part of the social convention of a party.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 31/05/2012 12:45

My DCs would remember if they didn't get one - it doesn't matter what's in it - we've had some that must have cost several pounds each, and some with six dolly mixtures and a balloon, and they were just as happy with each of them - it's the getting it that's the important thing. So I'm another who thinks it would be, not stingy, because they don't have to cost much, but mean not to do them. For years afterward, your child will be the "one who didn't give us a party bag" - probably not edifying, but what would happen. Children do notice and remember these things.

pinkappleby · 31/05/2012 12:46

YABU.

Ultimate moneysaving tip for people who put them in the bin: instead save them up and dish all the tat back up when it's your child's birthday.

notcitrus · 31/05/2012 12:50

Indeed - ds doesn't like sweets so I have a tin full of packets and toys. Suspect many parents here do the same - I've certainly seen the same birthday presents going in circles!

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 31/05/2012 12:58

I think that's appalling that a child would remember another purely as "the one who didn't give us a party bag" Hmm

Ungrateful little beggars. It's not their birthday and they are blooming lucky to have been invited to share their friend's special day and to partake in the party food and fun.

If this is really true of children today I despair. And feel that the parents should be having a word in their ear about good manners and realising that not every child even gets the opportunity to even go to birthday parties at all.

I cannot remember ever feeling like this when going to birthday parties as a child. I was just happy to be invited and to join in the fun and stuff myself with sweets and treats. Oh happy days! And no, I am not a 60 year old post war baby who was raised on bread and dripping and happy to play with a block of wood. I am only in my 30s and truly don't recognise this entitled attitude from the childhood of my memories.

OP, imo feel free to forgo the party bags. Maybe use the suggestion of an earlier poster who said leave a bowl of sweets at the door for children to take a few from but really you should not feel obliged to not disappoint the little darlings. They will survive without more plastic tat and tooth rotting stuff!

Maro11 · 31/05/2012 13:14

Been to two parties last weekend. At the first one I was talking to the host when a little partygoer came up and said" I have to go early so can I have my party bag now" I thought it was really cheeky as the party was fab, a huge themed production with lots of treats along the way. My daughter left that party with so much stuff and a personalised party bag.

The next day another party and at the end the kids got a supermarket plastic bag that is used for veg/fruit with a few sweets in the bottom.

both parties were hot topics of conversation amongst the mums on Monday.

My DD was equally happy with both

switchtvoffdosomelessboring · 31/05/2012 13:16

Whilst I agree with RaPaPa mum that in an ideal world they children would have just been grateful to go to the party, I know that if my children went to a party and never got a party bag it would be the first thing they would tell me and they would remember.

Even if it was an all singing and dancing party extravaganza. Its like saying is it ok not to have a birthday cake at a party. Party bags are the norm at kids parties. If money is tight cut back on something else (like food as in my experience none of them want to eat sandwiches if theres cakes and sweets on offer).

Inertia · 31/05/2012 13:18

I agree with Camdancer- they are worth having simply to encourage small children to go home . Put a piece of cake in there, with a bag of sweets from a variety pack and a tube of bubbles and all will be well.