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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to take my DS pocket money back for loosing items!

40 replies

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 08:35

I'm the proud owner of a lovely DS aged 8 who has just started getting pocket money which he loves, he has saved £12 in his quest for a million different items.

This weekend I bought a new sunhat, lovely straw one he wanted, monday morning he took to school and by tuesday evening he has lost it!! I've called the parent who's house he went too nothing, school lost property, nothing - I'm guessing he's left it outside school or somewhere.

Now I have said to him right you can pay for a replacement £12, I thought that was fair to teach him to look after items - he is very upset and I feel bad!!

AIBU?? what would you do?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 31/05/2012 08:38

Yes ds pays for stuff if he loses them through being careless but he is 11 not 8, not sure it would've worked at 8 tbh.

RachelWalsh · 31/05/2012 08:39

It seems a bit harsh tbh.

Also YABU to describe yourself as his owner.

And it is losing (with one O) unless you mean he released it or let it loose.

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 08:39

So you give your DS pocket money, he actually manages to save it with a view to buying something he wants. He loses a hat that you chose to spend £12 on and that as a parent, you should be providing him with anyway given this hot weather to prevent sunburn, and now you take his money from him to pay for it?

Oh my god.

You sound bloody horrible and YABVU.

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 08:39

p.s he's not a dog. He's a child, you don't own him

Pagwatch · 31/05/2012 08:40

I think it is too harsh. He did not destroy it, he lost it. Children have a lot to think about at school and are easily distracted.
I think you should punish him - maybe not give him money this week - but taking his savings is over the top and actually quite mean.

Plus, if I were him I would then think 'screw saving, she might just take it off me. I will spend it as soon as I get it on sweets.'

Also I always think if you regard something as precious then you, as a parent, share the responsibility when you chose to let them take it to school.

So yes, you should punish him. But taking his savings is really mean and probably a bad life lesson for him. Too harsh.

Original poster

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 08:41

damnBamboo he wanted that hat, he has other sun hats, this was one he'd seen and asked for.

OP posts:

accidentalchickenkeeper · 31/05/2012 08:41

What would I do? Well I wouldn't take ALL the money he has saved, it may encourage him to not bother saving at all. What punishment would you had given if he hadn't been careful with his money and saved £12?
What I'd do is chalk it up to experience, give a quick lecture about looking after your stuff. Then I'd buy a cheap sunhat for a couple of pounds and deduct half the money from his weekly pocket money. So if the new hat costs a fiver, I'd ask him to pay £2.50 maybe over a few weeks depending how much pocket money he gets.
That's just what I'd do though

valiumredhead · 31/05/2012 08:44

We lost loads of stuff at 8 - think it's par for the course. Ds replaces uniform bits now that he loses and miraculously he is much more careful now

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 08:44

Irrespective of whether or not he wanted it, you chose to buy it for him. I think it's very unreasonable to make an 8 year old pay for it. Would you make him buy new school uniform if he lost that too? How often does he lose stuff.

cantspel · 31/05/2012 08:46

As he has other sun hats then what is the big problem?

He can just wear one of the other hats and his punishment for losing his new one is you dont replace it.
You shouldn't take his savings or dock his pocket money as he didn't do it on purpose.

FriskyMare · 31/05/2012 08:51

Children lose things, fact of life. My ds "lost" a £600 cornet on his way home from school!

upahill · 31/05/2012 08:51

YABU.

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 31/05/2012 08:52

^ THIS! ^

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 31/05/2012 08:53

Hmmm not sure what happened there - anyway I was agreeing with cantspel

Hullygully · 31/05/2012 08:54

Let him keep the money but beat him severely. Spare the rod.

jubilucket · 31/05/2012 08:54

Tell him if he wants a new hat just like the one he lost, he'll have to pay for it, but don't make him buy it, he can have the choice of spending his money on that or continuing to save towards something else and wearing a not so splendid hat.

I started teaching the girls that money doesn't grow on magic money trees from very early on, and I've had very few losses or breakages all in all.
IMO once handed over, pocket money is theirs - you can do things like threaten to not give next week's money if something isn't done, eg failure to put stuff away, but you can't take it away when it's already in their piggy bank

gymboywalton · 31/05/2012 08:54

i bought a straw sunhat for my 8 year old the other day-it was 4.99 in h and m
you were ripped off

Hullygully · 31/05/2012 08:55

Nick someone else's hat when they come on a playdate

GnocchiNineDoors · 31/05/2012 08:58

If he is struggling to keep track of his posessions regularly then docking his pocket money may well be a good incentive for him to keep closer eye on them. if it was a one off then I wouldnt.

A friend of mine has realised that money is a great moti ator for her kids. they asked her to do karate so she takes them but if the teacher ever reports to her that they havent put enough effort in then they have to pay for that individual session.

CailinDana · 31/05/2012 08:59

Wow! That is bloody harsh! Saving £12 at the age of 8 is an amazing achievement I would be so incredibly proud if my DS did that. Losing things is just something that happens, adults and children both do it, it isn't deliberate. I'm sure your DS was upset to lose the hat and then you add a huge amount of upset to that by taking all his money. Way way over the top.

BTW £12 for a child's hat is daylight robbery. I paid a pound for my DS's hat because I know it'll be lost by next week.

BeyondAnyTherapy · 31/05/2012 09:01

Find a cheaper hat in the shops and offer him that, if he wants the more expensive straw hat he can pay the difference to get it. You may find that by giving him the choice of paying the extra or keeping his money he may choose to slum it with a basic one.

OhNoMyFanjo · 31/05/2012 09:02

I would probably tell him he has to pay and then go back and tell him on this occassion I will replace but tgat he needs to understand tgat money can only be spent once and tge money you are using to replace cannot be used else ie sweets/days out etc.

lambethlil · 31/05/2012 09:14

I know where you're coming from, but you can't do this retrospecrively.

He has other sun hats, so although that one's been lost it doesn't have to be replaced. What you can now do is when he wants something either go halves with him or tell him that if he loses it he must pay for a replacement.

akaemmafrost · 31/05/2012 09:20

Yes YABU. I wouldn't. Things get lost especially at that age it's a PITA but there it is. I would feel very mean if I did this to ds when he has made so much effort to save, a very good habit by the way, which the shine will soon wear off if his savings keep being whipped away to replace lost items.

TroublesomeEx · 31/05/2012 09:25

Well my DS is 13 and we are currently having to buy a new 2 pack of shirts a fortnight because he ruins them - ink, paint, tears.

We have started to take back his pocket money to pay for them (we only get supermarket ones so about £5 for a pack) and guess what?

There seems to be less ink and paint, and fewer sharp things around than their used to be.

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