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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to take my DS pocket money back for loosing items!

40 replies

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 08:35

I'm the proud owner of a lovely DS aged 8 who has just started getting pocket money which he loves, he has saved £12 in his quest for a million different items.

This weekend I bought a new sunhat, lovely straw one he wanted, monday morning he took to school and by tuesday evening he has lost it!! I've called the parent who's house he went too nothing, school lost property, nothing - I'm guessing he's left it outside school or somewhere.

Now I have said to him right you can pay for a replacement £12, I thought that was fair to teach him to look after items - he is very upset and I feel bad!!

AIBU?? what would you do?

OP posts:

gymboywalton · 31/05/2012 09:26

yes but your son is 13 not 8!!!!!!

TwllBach · 31/05/2012 09:28

FolkGirl I read that as 'ink, paint, tears' as in the tears you cry. I couldn't work out for the life of me how tears could ruin a school shirt

Hullygully · 31/05/2012 09:31

And agree with price. Buy eight hats for a pound each at that age.

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 09:31

The boy is 8 FGS, 8 years old.

The fact that he has managed to save that kind of money at that age is pretty amazing really.

Emandlu · 31/05/2012 09:37

If he is 8, he is quite old enough to look after his belongings. If he has other sun hats then I would be saying that if he wanted another one the same as the one he lost then he needs to buy it himself.

I don't see that there is anything U about that.

Original poster

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 09:58

Thanks all! - I haven't taken his money!! YET...

I do feel a bit mean saying it to him but it's one of those things that just came out, I'm annoyed, it only took him 2 days to lose it, he normally gets at least a few weeks before something breaks or gets lost.

Just asking opinions, and yes he does lose stuff all the time, he lost his water bottle last week and I'm online replacing that one as well.

I do of course know that £12 for a hat is more than I need to spend, I personally don't own a money tree but he saw this one in a shop that he likes and I agreed, so it was a bit of a special hat for him.

He did the can I take this one to school, and my parting words were yes but don't lose it please.

Hullygully your made me laugh
RachelWalsh thanks for the spelling lesson

The pocket money is new for us and him so the rules you have all said are good to know, Don't take from the piggy bank, just don't add to it if something isn't done - Perfect!!

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/05/2012 10:06

If my ds1 had his pocket money taken away at 8 for losing stuff at school or friends house he would be into the minus figures now he is 13.

Now, he has a thing about labels and as I refuse to pay £90 for a hoodie, he saves his money and buys it when he has enough.

He guards them with his life!
However, oyster cards, front door keys, waterproof jackets,football socks, shorts still go missing on a regular basis...unlike my dd who is now 14 and never loses anything
She is the only person in our household who always knows where her keys, oyster card, phone, shoes, bag and coat is.

I have no ideas where she gets it from :)

Tanith · 31/05/2012 10:25

I think you ought not to carry out a punishment without having warned him first that this would happen if he lost it. No wonder he's upset: he made a common childhood mistake. Removing his money seems very harsh.
The loss of his nice new hat is punishment enough on this occasion, in my opinion. He's probably just as upset over losing it.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 10:29

Surely in the 8yrs you've 'owned' him you've come to realise there's no point spending more than a couple of quid on things like hats that are easily lost, especially when kids run around so much?

I'm trying to get my head around the idea he actually wanted one made of straw and suspect he may have binned it when your back was turned...

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 31/05/2012 10:36

YABU if you haven't warned him first that if he loses stuffhe will have to pay for it. I do this with my child, but only since he started secondary school. It has made him look after his stuff, after he lost a pair of rugby shorts he has firmly held on to everything else. There are always email going round the class parents about lost things, some of it is expensive and I just couldn't afford to keep replacing it. But as ds has a fair amount of money saved up from birthdays etc, he can afford it! He hates spending money, he's very tight so that helps him look after his stuff. 8 might be a bit young though.

Original poster

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 10:44

WorraLiberty - I'll check the bins!!

Just going to address the "Owning him" - OK you know in families you have your own ways of saying / doing things, I will live and learn to express these ways online BUT in our family we call hands paws, we call my youngest DS Bumble, my DH calls me all sorts of things, and I joke with the boys that they are all mine!! it's a joke in our little world - so maybe not to others who maybe are just a tad sensitive... sorry if I've offended people...

OP posts:

Ithinkitsjustme · 31/05/2012 10:55

I wouldn't take his savings off him, if he wants a replacement then maybe dock some of his "future" pocketmoney to pay for it, but to take what he has carefully saved up is harsh. Be proud of him for saving it, money burns holes in my kids pockets, and if he hadn't saved it up you wouldn't have had teh option. Encourage him to save for things he really wants, rather than just spending it on the first thing he sees as he is afraid he will lose it for something else.

Original poster

cabbagesoup · 31/05/2012 11:03

Ithinkitsjustme - He's saving for a sailing dingy that's about £250!! failing that he want's the DeathStar logo which we have always said no way too.

He hasn't worked out how many years it will take! But we have said that we will help him if he gets 1/2 way there, with the dingy not the lego - he's changed so much since pocket money though!! everything is "how much"

OP posts:

mumeeee · 31/05/2012 14:42

It's a bit harsh at 8. My DDs often lost things at that age and well into thier tens, I would ask him to pay something towards it but not take all his money, He's done well saving his pocket money so you shouldn't punish him bu taking it off of him.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 31/05/2012 15:14

Losing stuff is what some children do. I have one who loses loads and another who never does.

With Ds1 who loses stuff everything is named in large letters, we stick to cheap stuff for school and for things like hats I encourage him to go for something a bit different so easier to spot.

This year that's an orange baseball cap from Ebay that cost less than £2.

I don't believe in removing pocket money at that age

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