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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's nephew put a pillow over my baby's face, should I warn parents of other newborn in family?

55 replies

booomy · 30/05/2012 22:04

Sorry name changed! Just incase!

DH's nephew is 6 and so incredibly spoilt. He has been he youngest in the family until my 1year old DD was born and is insanely jealous of DD! When he visits he tried to sit in (and broke) the bumbo, asked to be spoon fed by his mum. he is very babied anyway, he has a bottle before bed and a dummy at night! (he's 6 years old!!!)

I was baby sitting one evening, alone with DD and DH's nepheew. I was cooking dinner for nephew and thought they'd both been quiet. Our living/kitchen is open plan, I didn't leave a baby and a child alone. When I looked over nephew had a pillow over DD's face! I didn't know what to do and said, thaat's not very nice he can't breathe! When his dad collected him I didn't know what to say! i didn't mention the incident but I told MIL the next day. I know she told his mum, but nothing has been mentioned since.

i was willing to let it go, and just keep an eye on them both. I haven't babysitted, and don't intend to look after him again.

Trouble is now there is a new baby in the family.We won't be able to visit for a while as DD is ill, and I've seen on facebook that nephew and his mum are going tomorrow to visit. I was tempted to text mum of newborn and say something along the lines of
"I don't want this to be common knowledge, as it's not fair if it was silly mistake. But wanted to warn you that when nephew cam over, he help a pillow over DD's face. He' been a bit spiteful in other ways, breaking her toys and being rough. Just wanted to warn you to keep an eye out, but like I said please only talk to your DH about it!"

AIBU or not to text newborns mum? I know they won't be alone together anytime soon but may be in the future if new mum gets lumbered with babysitting, whhich she has done pre-new baby!

OP posts:
DailyMailSpy · 30/05/2012 22:29

I did this to my baby sister when I was 5, I genuinely thought I was just playing and didn't realise how dangerous it was until my mum obviously walked in and started shouting Blush I still remember doing it and my sister going a bit red in the face.

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:30

I told my aunt (on my side) she told me about two children she childminds, one who has SN's due to a brain injury when his older brother pushed him out of the trolly in the supermarket when he was a few weeks old. This is the main reason I wanted to tell her, but was worried i'd seem gossipy!

OP posts:
Asamumnonsense · 30/05/2012 22:31

I would have mentioned it straight away to his parents and let them take precautions and deal with the child. BY telling the new baby's mum you are creating an issue and who knows future conflicts. The nephew's parents will find out that you have told other people and it will look like gossip rather than out of concern for the baby.
I am not surprised he is spoilt, if everyone acts the way you do around him and he is not being told assertively when he is doing wrong.

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:37

Okay so me (no relation to him, babysitting him as a favour, on the odd occasion, by no means a long term/reccurent thing?) am responsible for him being spoilt Asa? What on earth are you on about?

OP posts:
Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:38

If i thought his mum would say something then I wouldn't mention it to newborns mum, but when we visited nephew and family last, he played roughly with DD and threw a fit when she was given his old blanket to play on. (I'm trying not to drip feed other incidents, but being accused of being the reason he's spoilt is infuriating!!!!)

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 30/05/2012 22:41

surely if he is your dh's nephew then you are related to him?Confused

if it's not a one off(which by your last post it wasn't) then still why not mention it to the parents?

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:47

second occasion they were there, and it was met with no concern apart from 'oh be careful of the baby', then leaving the room, and me having to protect her head and he was sat with her squeezing his knees round her face trying to get in photos another aunt was taking!

Nothing major happened as I was on guard!

cheese I wouldn't consider him a relation. He's is related to DH but not me.

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 30/05/2012 22:48

Oh, that's a bit sad Sad. I consider DH's niece and nephew as much MY niece and nephew as those who are blood relations.

Asamumnonsense · 30/05/2012 22:51

You said you didn't know how to react to what he did, as if you were worried and you shouldn't have been. He had done wrong. This was serious enough for you to tell him so obviously appropriately. It seems to me that may be this is how adults behave around him and that's why he is spoilt.

pigletpower · 30/05/2012 22:52

I would be telling his mother to throw the dummy and bottle out TBH.

LingDiLong · 30/05/2012 22:52

Oh god, don't do what pigletpower suggests - that's absolutely not your business!

D0G · 30/05/2012 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:56

How dare you assume that Asa! I've told you a paragraph about his life and you think you have the right to judge why he behave the way he does and blame me partly for it???? Are you a psychic you can tell the reasons for his behaviour from a few lines? Crazy!

The reason for this thread was to ask whether I should say something or not, not be accused for nephew behaving the way he does/ how I handled the situation/ how I should of handled the situation/ my relationship with DH's family! I was only posting as to whether I should/shouldn't tell the new mum!

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 30/05/2012 22:58

You should have told the father when he collected him and yes you should warn this woman, she needs to know to be extra careful.

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 22:59

piglet i;d very much like to do so. He has formula and everything. I think the bottle is worse than the dummy, but id' never say anything! HA

OP posts:
EchoBitch · 30/05/2012 23:01

Piglet does have a point though.

At what age do you chuck out lose the dummy?.

pigletpower · 30/05/2012 23:07

DOG-jolly good job I'm not telling you then isn't it? Six years old is too old for a dummy and bottle surely? Come on.

cheesesarnie · 30/05/2012 23:09

i think it depends on the parent and child.

no one age fits all.

EchoBitch · 30/05/2012 23:13

I had a dummy when i was 11.

I am a liar.

Six is too old for a dummy and a bottle.

Unless the child has special needs.

mumofbumblebea · 30/05/2012 23:18

i think everyone, including the OP, knows that she may have handled the situation better at the time. hindsight is a wonderful thing.
i think other posters have given good advice about a light hearted phonecall mentioning that he found it difficult around your baby and was a bit too rough at times. top it off by saying something nice about him so you don't sound like your saying he is completely dreadful :) should be enough to make sure they watch him with the baby.

cricketballs · 30/05/2012 23:36

Ling - I agree that the wording of "I wouldn't consider him a relation. He's is related to DH but not me" is very sad - surely when you create a family by being married you also encompass your dh's family as your own. I have with my dh's family as as he with my 'blood' nephews and nieces; he married me, he married into my family!

Op - you have also said it was a while ago so why are you so sure that this will be his behaviour now? As other have said, they did this as young children not realising how dangerous it was so maybe a 'by the way' call rather than a don't let him anywhere near your dc as he will try to kill him call.

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 23:40

i have to confess i was lying about him being his nephew! it's actually DH's cousin. I was worried that his mum would see it as i know she uses bounty and may well use mumsnet! DH's is obviously an adult, cousin is 6. Therefore I wouldn't really consider him my family, a nephew or niece is a bit different! Apologies for the lie, I wanted to disguise my post and thought it was a minor detail!

OP posts:
realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 30/05/2012 23:40

If your nephew's mum did find out from mil and didn't call to apologise that is Shock! If my dd did that, whether she meant to or not I would be mortified, and she is 16 months not 6!

Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 23:40

cricket it was only a few months ago!

OP posts:
Original poster
booomy · 30/05/2012 23:42

that's realhousewife. i agree. one of the reasons i think she'd be unlikely to protect newborn as she is clearly in denial about her sons behaviour.I didn't get a thank youfor babysitting either!

OP posts:
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