or is DH? Big row over parents

[daintyandmakepeace]

namechanged.

Had a big row with DH last night and I really don't know who is BU.

I will try and post in a fair way and not just put my side across.

We're having a street party. Each house is allowed to invite 1 guest. I want to invite both my parents - DH said he's sure that would be ok and to just ask them. I do, they accept.

He then decides that it's not fair that his parents are not coming. I say that they'll probably be with his sister and family (which they usually are).

It escalates into a huge row about how we spend more time with my parents and I argue that I see his parents weekly (with DC) - it's him that doesn't.

He 'tells' me that I must ask the organiser if we can invite all our parents - I refuse as I was pushing it bringing one more guest as it is, and said that if he wants them to come he can ask himself.

He was extremely rude to me so I went to bed. He apologised this morning for calling me a vile word, but not for the row.

I am seeing my parents today and plan to tell them that he thinks it's unfair that his parents can't come along, and I know full well they'll be disapointed but will say they won't come to save any rows.

So - do I put my foot down and say that as they've been invited they are coming, or do I just let my parents step down and just go with DH and DC?

To be honest, I don't even want to go now! :(

To be honest, I'd go just the three of you.

If every house on your street is having similar arguments it's going to be a bloody miserable party.

Why do you see his parents and not him? Why doesn't he come with you and the kids to visit?

So you see his parents weekly but he doesn't?

he works really long hours so I take DC so they get to see their GC.

He will see them every few weeks.

Whether he sees his parents or not is not the issue here - it's upsetting my parents by un-inviting them to keep the peace with DH.

Just feel really sad as I hate rowing but I don't want to look weak by just giving in as he got one on him and said some mean things :(

Ask him to ask the organizers if his parents can come too. Bribe them by offering to make some extra sausage rolls

Why are you only allowed 1 guest?

Seems a bit harsh.

Geez, don't tell your parents about this! Would be quite awkward and dramatic.

Your DH is being unreasonable in that he agreed to invite your parents and then changed his mind about what he wanted to do.

I would tell him that the arrangements for the street party have been made, so let's just let that lie, and you take his point going forward and will try to get his parents round more often on the days when he can see them. Perhaps you could plan one Sunday a month where both families come over for a BBQ or lunch or whatever.

I kind of see it from his point of view. He doesn't see his parents because he works a lot of hours and there is an opportunity for him to see them socially but you chose to ask your parents.

I would have asked his parents first and if they are seeing his sister then ask your parents.

Sorry but maybe you should have taken this into account before asking your parents that way there wouldn't have been any upset.

I don't understand why its ok to upste your DH but not your parents.

Why are you planning to tell your parents that your dh thinks its unfair that they come? Don't do that to them, it's mean.

Just stick with what you are doing. If dh wants to invite his parents then he needs to ask the organiser himself, but tbh I think that's a bit cheeky if you are already bringing extras. Although it does seem silly that you can only bring one extra guest in the first place.

As you are bringing extra people I would also provide extra food.

Well he did say to ask your parents then changed his mind after you had asked. If he feels guilty that he doesn't see his parents more often he should make more of an effort. Don't bring your parents into your row, it's not fair.

Why are you only allowed one guest? It's your house you can do what you want! Just invite all, and allow one person out on the street at a time. I'm sure they all don't want to hang around on the street for the whole duration.

But Tea he did tell her to ask her parents then changed his mind.

I see much more of PILs than DH does because he works long hours too but he does make the effort to get round for a cuppa or something at least once a week.

Tea, the dh had already agreed to OP asking if her parents could come. He can't change his mind and then expect sympathy, he had the chance to speak up before.

I dont get why you can bring guests in the first place. Surely the idea of a street party is so that you socalise with your neigbours, community spirit and all that. Wont be much of that if everyone brings their own friends/family.

Your DH is making a fuss over nothing. If he wants to see more of his parents, let him organise it.

I can't believe he's being so petty.

Ask the organiser if both parents can come, if not, have a family party in your house while dropping in and out on the street.

No I get that but why did she not think of his parents first knowing he doesn't see them. Maybe thats why he's pissed off and changed his mind.

Not that this helps now, but I think it would have been best not to invite anyone else in the first place. I see cantspel's point about the idea of a street party being to socialise with your neighbours - my guess is that the 1 guest only rule is a) to stop catering madness if everyone brings loads of extra people and b) to allow a bit of slack for single people who might feel a bit uncomfortable coming entirely on their own. You have your husband and kids to go with - why not just spend some time with them and your neighbours?

As others have said I wouldn't tell your parents all this - it's a private disagreement between you and your husband. I would consider telling them that there have been some issues generally with the number of guests people are allowed, and so it would be better if they didn't come after all but you all met up later on for your own celebrations.

It does sound like the arrangements with both sets of parents need revising. A few people have asked about your ILs but I'm interested in why you automatically asked your parents. Do you usually spend a lot of time with them, or do you not, so thought this was a good opportunity?

Or have your own party in your own house and invite whoever you like. I'd get both sets of parents, his sister, your friends and have a jolly good party without anyone feeling left out.

It's rude to uninvite someone so you really can't uninvite your parents.

If your DH doesn't see much of his parents as an adult that's his fault, not yours. I get that he works long hours but it's still his responsibility to make sure that he takes some time to see them even if only for an hour.

You say that his parents will probably be with your SIL and her family so they probably wouldn't come anyway. Is it possible that your DH can invite them on the Saturday/Sunday instead, maybe have a BBQ or party type food then. If birthdays can be moved to other days then I'm sure the jubilee can too. Look at it as an extended celebration.

Do something else with them all. The party sounds crap.

i would suggest that you do the thing with your parents - as uninviting them would be rude.

then i would tell dh how much i loved him and how much i loved his parents, i would then ask him if he would be willing to have a BBQ the week after. or something similar.