or is DH? Big row over parents

[daintyandmakepeace]

namechanged.

Had a big row with DH last night and I really don't know who is BU.

I will try and post in a fair way and not just put my side across.

We're having a street party. Each house is allowed to invite 1 guest. I want to invite both my parents - DH said he's sure that would be ok and to just ask them. I do, they accept.

He then decides that it's not fair that his parents are not coming. I say that they'll probably be with his sister and family (which they usually are).

It escalates into a huge row about how we spend more time with my parents and I argue that I see his parents weekly (with DC) - it's him that doesn't.

He 'tells' me that I must ask the organiser if we can invite all our parents - I refuse as I was pushing it bringing one more guest as it is, and said that if he wants them to come he can ask himself.

He was extremely rude to me so I went to bed. He apologised this morning for calling me a vile word, but not for the row.

I am seeing my parents today and plan to tell them that he thinks it's unfair that his parents can't come along, and I know full well they'll be disapointed but will say they won't come to save any rows.

So - do I put my foot down and say that as they've been invited they are coming, or do I just let my parents step down and just go with DH and DC?

To be honest, I don't even want to go now! :(

I wouldn't involve your parents. Just take them like you planned. You asked your oh if they could come, he agreed, you asked them. It would be very rude to now uninvite them. If your oh now wants his parents to come he can sort it out. Although it seems a bit tight that you can't invite more than 1 anyway. Where's the spirit here! Get oh to challenge it.

If you haven't cleared inviting both your parents with the committee then I thin you were rash to invite both of them in the first place. I agree that street parties are for neighbours to mingle. If you want an extended family party do that instead of the street party but make your mind up.
Either stick to the street party rules or have your own party.

Given the restriction on guests (which seem sensible given that the street party is intended to be a neighbourhood event) it might have been better to have held back on any invitations before you and your dh had discussed the practicalities.

But now you've invited your parents, you can't disinvite them. That'd be disgracefully rude and solve absolutely nothing. Did you not think that the 1 guest per household rule applied to you though? Or are you, perhaps, the Queen In Disguise?

Stick with the arrangement you have now.
Arrange for PIL to come along an hour or so later, everyone will have had a drink by then and no-one surely will mind that much!
Make up with you DH.
Have a fun party.

if the street party is during the day, why not get your parents AND your dh's parents to come along at the end, and then have a little get together in your own house? Presumably other people also have parents they'd like to invite, so its a bit cheeky of you to think an exception should be made for you inviting 2 instead of 1. Why not bring along one of your dc's friends instead, and then involve your parents and ILs later on..

I think you need to separate out the street party thing from the seeing his parents more thing.

If you see his parents weekly with the DC, but your DH doesn't because (I assume?) he's at work, then he might just be feeling a bit left out. That kind of thing can build lots of resentment. Rather than just telling him to organise something himself, the quickest way to de-escalate and make sure he feels loved and included is at least to acknowledge his point of view, and suggest times when you, he, DC and your ILs can all get together. If there's a bit of an imbalance in who you spend time with when DH is around, then maybe you might want to address that so he feels it's 'even'.

As regards the street party, I think that's a judgement call. Personally I'd back down, call my parents and tell some kind of slight fib eg 'we hadn't realised it was only 1 guest, really sorry etc etc, can we find another time?' then invite no-one's parents. But I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with them.

Go to your street party without any GP's and have your own family party afterwards. Your parents and PIL (if they choose to come) can help prepare the food and drinks while you socalise with the neighbours. Cant imagine a street party would be more than an hour or two tops

OK, so WHO invites only ONE guest to a street party? MOST people are in some kind of couple, even if only a mate!

Tell the organiser that there has been a miscommunication between you and DH, explain that somehow BOTH SETS of parents have been invited, (although may not ALL be able to attend) and is this a problem?

IF it is (tbh you could always provide additional food for them to compensate) then you could say to the organiser that you totally understand and that you will withdraw from the party, and ALL of you could go off somewhere ELSE to spend the time together!

He's the one in the wrong regarding the argument.

Who made you organiser for HIS parents?

I wouldn't uninvite your parents. I bet he'll come home later with his tail between his legs.

I think he's being rather childish about this. Surely his parents can come to something another time.

You are only supposed to invite one guest yes?
But you are pushing it by inviting both your parents yes?
It would be rude of you to uninvite your parents, no brainer.
Your dh wants to spend more time with his parents yes?
So why doesn't your dh go spend some time with his parents at SIL's and then you won't be going over your quota of people at the party either!

YANBU, on this occassion, you asked him if it was ok to invite your parents, he agreed, he can not then be all shitty to you because he wants to change his mind.
This i would see as a starting point for you both to consider the next activity/holiday and try to prioritise his parents as equally as yours if he feels like they are left out.
This also means that he should be helping or suggesting was to arrange him being at future events with his own parents, it isn't all down to you.