To think no part of this conversation was racist?

[DontWannaBeAMug]

Yesterday the temperature was getting on for 25 degrees. Me and two friends are sat outside drinking coffee. I'm white, one friend is also white and the other is Bangladeshi (but born and raised in England).

So we're sitting there, baking in the sun and my Bangladeshi friend looks at me and says "I don't mean this to sound racist, but white people look gorgeous when they tan. You look so healthy and glowing right now!". My head swelled a little and I thanked her and said "I've always wondered, can you get sunburn?" (might sound like a daft question but I genuinely didn't know). She said she never has burnt and neither have her children - therefore she doesn't believe she can burn. She added that white people must burn so much easier than darker skinned people and it is probably down to something in the skin types. I agreed. She went to grab another drink and my other friend said "wow, that was awkward!" I said "what was??" and she said "all the talk about white people and sunburn and everything! it all sounded a bit racist!"

How? neither me nor my friend were offended so how was it racist? is it any different from saying blonde people probably burn quicker than dark haired people??

I was friends with another mother when my two DCs were at primary school and we'd walk into town together after dropping our DCs off at school.

She was black and it was a roasting hot day. I could see that she had reddish cheeks and asked if they were sunburnt. She said that they were although she'd put cream on them.

If the conversation went exactly as you say then no, i dont think there was any racism.

No not racist at all. I hope your third friend wasn't Ukranian?

She's obviously from the school of Not Mentioning Anyone's Race Ever Because That's Racist. Well meaning, perhaps, but with a very skewed understanding of what racism actually is.

Or perhaps's she just a bit dim.

Doesn't sound racist, just a bit generalist (not all white people look good tanned; many brown people I know burn easily, myself included). But we all tend to generalise when chatting leisurely, don't we .

No, no racism there! MyBF with very dark skin got sunburnt, and I couldn't see it at all. Why should we ignore it??!

It would be like me ignoring the fact that my DH who has very pale skin with freckles burns very quickly in the sun, and I have light olive skin and so tan with the same exposure which would burn him. We have different 'white' backgrounds and acknowledging that is not racist!

Not racist at all.

You and your friend were acknowledging, accepting and discussing your differences. It's a shame not everyone can do that.

Your other friend is odd.

Why did your Bangladeshi friend start the conversation with "I don't mean this to sound racist..." ?

Cassette

That's jsut daft. I had a chinese friend and her kids round at ours at the weekend and we had a similar sort of conversation. I was putting suncream on my 2 dds (both blonde and fair) and asked whether or not her 2 needed any - just led to a conversation about different skin needing or not needing suncream.

You can still get skin cancer even if you don't burn.

Surely all skin types/colours need protection from sun damage?

Why did your Bangladeshi friend start the conversation with "I don't mean this to sound racist...?"

That's what I was wondering?

You all sound as though you're tip toeing on egg shells

Are you sure you're really all friends?

I suppose if you flipped the situation round and imagined a white woman saying to two darker-skinned friends "I don't mean this to sound racist, but brown people look gorgeous when they bleach their skin/avoid darkening their skin by sitting in the sun", that would sound a bit weird. Maybe that's what your Asian friend was thinking?

I don't think that would be weird Blue. My white friends frequently moan that they sunbathe and burn, and I sit in the shade and am naturally beautifully brown

I am never offended by compliments

I don't think it was racist. I was delighted when on first meeting (black) dp I made him noticeably blush. I hadn't known that was possible, but the fact we could talk about it showed a level of trust.

Genuine curiosity about differences is neither racist nor offensive! I mean, it's pretty obvious when someone's being snidey as opposed to slightly naive, right?

I can understand what Blue is saying. I think the Asian friend was simply clarifying that her comment was purely on aesthetics and not saying something like, "you look more beautiful when your skin tone is similar to mine". The example of skin whitening is a good one. We should all talk about skin colour in the same way we talk about hair colour or eye colour.

I think sometimes racism has gone to far, i mean that with an the OP as an example you can't ask a genuine question without someone thinking it was racist, when it wasn't!

PS, I would compliment my SIL if she chose to bleach her hair in the same way that I compliment her when she straightens, locks, braids or otherwise changes her hair. And in the same way she compliments mine when I have something done.

Why did your Bangladeshi friend start the conversation with "I don't mean this to sound racist...?"

Well these days the whole bleeding area is like walking on eggshells, I pblame teh PC lot.

Volvo - what has Ukranian got to do with it?

i thought it was to do with carotene

Not racist. I remeber discussing the care of afro hair and the care of caucasian hair with another Mum....she told me how she managed her toddlers afro because she heard me moaning abut my DDs curly and tangly hair...she gave me tips and said that in her culture it's well known that when the baby is born as soon as he or she has hair, you touch it and play with it a lot so they get used to that...then it's easy to comb and style it.

As a parent with straight hair who had a curly baby, I didn't know that...she was helping me...it's ok to compare body care with other races!