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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend constantly at my house eating

70 replies

DontWannaBeAMug · 28/05/2012 22:45

Boyfriend lives about 10 minutes away in car. On his day off he always says he'll "pop down" to see me but then expects his lunch etc too. I'm not tight but it's becomming a bit 'too' regular. Everyweek, sometimes 2/3 times a week and then he'll raid to cupboards for crisps/biscuits etc too. Not to mention the endless coffees and teas etc.
It's very rare that he invites me to his house but when he does he conveniently never has any teabags/coffee/cola etc in. No biscuits, no crisps - even though I know full well he lives off this stuff usually.
I stayed at his house last weekend and he had no coffee in despite knowing it's pretty much all I drink. He had no biscuits or anything like that in. I had to buy my own dinner from the takeaway and the next morning he asked me what I'd like for breakfast - my choice was a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar!!!

I don't begrudge anyone a coffee or a packet of crisps but I can't help feeling I'm being a bit of a mug here. He's not skint btw or living on the breadline.

We're going out tomorrow morning and he's just asked if we're having lunch at my house again.

Am I being petty?

OP posts:

MadamFolly · 29/05/2012 07:16

What a knob, get rid.

holmesgirl · 29/05/2012 08:47

I had an ex like this. He lived with his rents, I had own place. Used to turn up and expect to be fed about four times a week but ALWAYS expect me to go dutch if we ate out.

I once asked him to bring some wine and dessert round for after dinner and he turned up empty handed and said he thought I was joking!!

I can't stand meanness. And I dumped him for taking the p*ss.

Take a stand OP :-)

RachelWalsh · 29/05/2012 08:58

Meanness is so unattractive. Get rid.

GrimmaTheNome · 29/05/2012 09:06

I think the OP needs to live up to her nn - Don't Be a Mug!

Challenge him - as others have suggested, if he wants lunch at your house today say 'sure, but you'll need to pick up x, y and z on the way'. etc. If he doesn't take the hint, get rid unless he has some fabulously redeeming qualities and you are actually wanting to take on a dependent.

thebody · 29/05/2012 09:14

Do you even love each other as neither of you seem to respe r or like each other.

Cooking for each other, looking after each other, nurturing and spoiling each other is love.

Why are either of you bothering!

WorriedBetty · 29/05/2012 09:23

Shit?! Why is 'musician' so often an excuse for being a fucking sponging bastard - so often 'musician' seems to carry the additional 'I am a calculating twat who thinks your kindness is actually a reflection of how clever I am at manipulating people'.. The amount of times 'musicians' have lectured me about sharing, when what they really mean is 'share your stuff with me and I will laugh at you'. I even met one who would go around someone's house that he didn't know, use their phone to score drugs and then 'spontaneously' make them sandwiches as an 'act of kindness' .. but guess what! With their food! .. and oops he managed to eat more in the kitchen by 'accident'..

Another such type tried sofa surfing in a friend's flat.. and when she came home from work at lunchtime the place was full of hippies making food and smoking out she overheard them laughing at what a sucker she was.... ooops! All his clothes went in the compost bin... :)

EmmaCate · 29/05/2012 09:31

No you are not being petty - I had a boyfriend like this and it DROVE me NUTS. He is still a grasping tit but he is worse; minted and just bloody tight.

Just ask him for a contribution to your shopping bill quite frankly; say your budget covers food for you each week and you can't continue to feed him as well without something extra. If he is broke it will soon out him. If so, you will have to decide whether you want this. Being broke isn't a crime but being a bit deceitful and scroungey because of it is not great.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2012 09:33

This person is a cocklodger. Dump him pronto.

Dropdeadfred · 29/05/2012 09:39

Please let us know what he says when you dump him - what a mean tossed!!! Stinginess is such a passion killer

MiseryBusiness · 29/05/2012 09:40

I had an ex like this a long time ago.

Not only do people like this drain your cupboards, they end up draining your life.

Get. Rid

anonacfr · 29/05/2012 11:36

Nicnoc what an awful story. I feel so sad for you and your mother.

She should divorce the bastard and sue him for the farm money. No loving partner would ever think of doing that- what a shocking lack of respect to your brother's memory.

letseatgrandma · 29/05/2012 12:21

He sounds awful! what redeeming qualities does he have...?!

NicNocJnr · 29/05/2012 13:02

Do y'know anonacfr that's exactly what I said!
He is deeply unpleasant in many ways and generally a charmless nerk. Nobody likes him. But short of banging her head against a wall I can just tell her the truth and keep listening to the constant drip of rubbish he's got up to.
In many ways it's as much her at this point because she is now more aware than ever of his shennanigans but whatever the flaws of our relationship are I can't begrudge her not wanting to accept that her marriage is based on deceit and she wants to stay with him due to my brother. I don't understand it but I can't force her hand.

OP this is the rub, it gets to a point where you et used to misery. You change to make things not seem so bad and you get used to the shit so much so that you expect to be treated badly. You have to be re-trained into thinking you are worth more. It is a slippery slope even though it seems quite minor. Life is sometimes cruelly short, why don't you deserve to be happy for as much of it as you can be?

MissFaversham · 29/05/2012 13:06

Picked a twunt there then haven't you OP. Don't be mug and tell him to buggger off and take his tightness/fat greedy belly with him.

lisaro · 29/05/2012 13:11

I bet he does all his poos at yours too, to save money on big roll!

Nickyheet · 21/10/2024 14:51

I think your boyfriend is a leech and a cheapskate.

pinkpjamas1 · 21/10/2024 16:04

I know a man like this, well this is how it started!! Dated someone I know and behaved very much like your cocklodger-in-the-making I mean boyfriend.

He's now loaded, I mean multimillionaire loaded. He has little to do with his child who is now an adult, or her children but if they do visit him, they have to pay. Daughter does visit him now and again to go for fish and chips and she pays! She also drives because he doesn't want to pay for the petrol.
He bought her a box of chocolates for Xmas once. Perfectly nice present of course in many circumstances but she was really struggling at the time and they were reduced ones from the supermarket. She said her finest hour was 'forgetting' them, walking home as she couldn't afford a taxi and deciding to go LC with him. She couldn't afford to put the heating on in her small hohse, he could have afforded to buy her whole street!

Don't be involved with a man like this. They do exist and they're terrible people.

He's using you and has no respect for you!

WhichEllie · 21/10/2024 16:12

@Nickyheet @pinkpjamas1

This thread is from 12 years ago.

Ooral · 21/10/2024 16:15

He is tight, won't change and you will be out of pocket forever. Up to you if that suits you.

Nickyheet · 21/10/2024 18:34

I didn't see that until afterwards

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