To think that primary school proms are total wank?

[ChickensHaveNoLips]

DS1 leaves primary school in July. Today he brought home a letter informing us that to celebrate year 6 leaving, they are having a prom. DS is horrified, as apparently a lot of the girls are insisting on dates. DS would rather lick his own foot than be seen publicly with a girl, what with him being 11 and all. Tonight the fb discussions have started between parents arranging limos. Limos for 11 year olds. Surely this is beyond batshit crackers? Is this insanity normal now? What's wrong with a disco and a handful of haribo ?

It doesn't seem to be a regional thing either. I am now in the North and spending my free time hunting down leavers hoodies and a cheap suit for DS2. I used to live in East Anglia and when DS1 left juniors, there was a prom too.

We cunningly dodged the whole limo/suit/date debacle by sodding off to a festival instead. While his classmates were slapping on fake tan and nails, DS2 was standing in a field in the sunshine watching Nigel Kennedy do a jazz tribute then schlepping through the woods to watch Tom Jones :)

Im in scotland so it is spreading like a virus DD left primary school (counts fingers ) 7 years ago so its not really new either ,

Our DS has a 'school leavers disco'. The school have very sensibly decided to avoid calling it a prom.

No suits, no corsages or dating rubbish. Just a disco!

However!!!! I have booked a limo for him and his friends. Probably the first and last time he will ever go in one (because lets face it, they are as tacky as hell) and it will work at approx £8 per child to have a 45 minute ride up to the school.

I thought it would be a really fun experience for him so have booked it on that basis rather than any desire to 'outdo' anyone ot to follow 'expectations'

My son and all that!

My daughters however are just about to leave secondary school and it is getting truly outrageous.

They have a prom to attend end of June so we are finalising details now for dresses/hair/shoes/etc

But there is also going to a PRE PROM although I have since found out that parents can attend this and there will be champagne and then an after prom too.

We are quite lucky in that we can (just about) afford the money for frocks etc but I feel very sorry for parents who struggle. We are not a particularly 'dressy' family (in other words we are scruffy buggers!!!) so it is quite nice to have the opportunity to get the girls some nice things as they normally wouldn't be bothered.

As far as I can tell, they are both relaxed about the whole thing, neither of them are going for the traditional 'prom dress' look and seem quite calm and happy about their choices.

Agree re the increasing 'Americanisms' and how weird it is getting.

I can just about cope with proms and limo's though.

The day they introduce those ghastly 'father and daughter' dances though - I am outta here (although I may just nip back to mumsnet first to witness the reaction)

Our lot are having a school and family BBQ ... the whole school can come along and have a dance,parents included and a packet of crisps... it is a FAMILY event to say goodbye to the year 6 and this lot all 62 of them are a rather lovely year,we like them an awful lot... so many are spreading out... some off to the Grammar schools and some to different High schools over the county and some to fee paying.. I shall weep.

YANBU.

The primary school the oldest DS attended in the US did a lovely graduation dinner for 8th grade (age 14ish) graduation before heading to high school. The graduates and two guests attended and it was held in the school hall, which was gussied up for the occasion by the parents of the next year in the pipeline. Those parents also organised themselves to cook a nice but fairly simple meal in the school kitchen. There were speeches and prizegivnig and a slideshow showing the kids from birth to age 14 that was always amusing (some of them hadn't changed one bit). It was a lovely way to say goodbye. It was a dressup affair but not at all prommy. The girls tended to wear heels they couldn't walk in and a bit of makeup, got their nails and hair done, etc., but it was very much a family event. The tradition had gone on for at least 70 years.

Their HS did a prom, with limos, corsages, ballgowns, the works. Not everyone attended even though you could go dateless and it was the sort of community where nobody cared much about traditional gender roles. There was a weekend away afterwards for a lot of the kids at someone's lakeside cottage, etc., so quite a partay.

My secondary school in Dublin did one when I was there and still does afaik. It was called a debutante ball (debs) but it was far from genteel .

When DS1 left primary school last summer they had an end of year disco in the school hall - key stage 1 5:30 - 7pm then key stage 2 7pm - 8:30pm although the Year 6's went to both as guests of honour (very small village school so they have friends in every year). Everyone got crisps, sweets and a drink - £1.50 per person.

On the last day of term the Year 6's all went bowling and had pizza etc at the local bowling alley organised by a couple of parents. Worked out about £5 each.

we have an end of year disco or the whole school, KS1 frst, then KS2 the year 6 stay on for an extra 45 minutes then have a BBQ served by the teachers and PTA they have a giggle and feel grown up but it is NOT a prom..
there would be rebellion from the parents if it was suggested.

YANBU
It is so sad for the DCs - it leaves nothing for later on.
People should do huge protests against them and do something age appropriate.

They been about a whole ds1 school had one in y6 and he is now 18. Truth it was not really much different to end of year leavers discos . Sone went with fancy cars but most were just dropped if by patents

If prom = school disco with slight high school musical theme and cheap 'homemade' yearbook, fine.

If a primary head is condoning something that costs £30 + expensive new clothes for 11 year olds + having 'dates' + hiring limo and buying corsages they are nuts. It is really tasteless, particularly in current economic climate.

This sounds horrendous. I bloody hope this is just a passing phase of madness. DD is only starting primary school this year, maybe by the time she finishes this lunacy will have ended. If not, there's no way that she will be participating in the prom and limo madness.

Our school has a leavers disco, but some parents will go OTT (in my opinion) and hire limo's etc. Fortunately none of my kids have been in the slightest bit interested in the disco let alone the limo, I'm hoping my DS3 (year 6) will feel the same!

My DD's junior 'prom' was called 'a end of era celebration', two adult guests were allowed, the children could dress as they wanted to. There were limo's layed on by the school and a buffet in the decorated hall. The children had raised most of the money all year and a small contribution that could be paid off was asked for.

A fund was set up in case the cost was out of reach for some families.

Local businesses donated stuff/services.

Ours was a non Catholic school and all of the children felt that it was a nice alternative to big Christening/Confirmations, which they didn't have.

Some children love the idea of getting to goin a Limo and this is the way that they will ever experiance that.

Just to add that all of the children contributed poems, songs etc (displayed in the hall) to express how they felt about leaving junior and their fears etc about starting a new much bigger school.

It was that side of it that was very good. Not all children goon to have very fulfilling lives and these events are nice for them to have, as sad as that is.

I just can't get over the waste.

My figures may be way off, but I estimate for a full blown prom costs could be per head

venue + ents £30
dress (because what sane 10/11 year old has formal clothes already) £30
contribution to limo hire £20
misc costs (e.g. maybe new shoes) £20

so £100/ head x 30 children = £3000

I think there should be a 100% prom tax on any school that gets involved in this madness (not, of course those who are organising a school disco in hall with food and ent contributed by parents) and the money should be redistributed to those who are more in need.

But in schools that have high numbers of deprived children, who don't have birthbady parties, it is something tolook forward to.

Tbh, your estimation of cost to the parents, is well off, my DD's classmates either wore summer dresses, got them from ebay and we also all helped each other out. Some came in summer sandles, bringing two guests helped.

These are the children that don't live in families/communities that have jubilee parties etc and will spend the summer infront of the television,or thrown out to 'play'.

It is up to individual schools to decide this.

Birdsgottafly I don't think I am talking about the kind of prom you organised, which does sound very thoughtful and designed to keep costs down.

However, I really hope that none of the adults at your DD's school are giving the pupils the impression that it isn't in their power to have fulfilling lives, and that the high point of their lives will be a ride in an especially long car. (Looking at your description of the poems and the fundraising, it sounds as though this wouldn't be the case).

They aren't and many are aware that the lack of ambition instilled in them has shaped their lives.

Like it or not, for a percentage out of all children from deprived areas, small memories such as that will be part of the highlight of their lives.

Proms for primary children are simply ridiculous, but the acceptance the secondary ones have is pointless. I have many friedns with teenage children who are outraged at the cost of the dress/limo/venue etc.
In my opinion it is simply a great introduction to the consumerist society many of us detest and causes unnecessary stress to parents and children. And worst of all, schools endorse it.
Why they feel they have to celebrate in a way so out of touch with the real world, I really don't know. Not to mention that some parents get in serious debt for it.

Why parents could simply not get together and say NO? I have 2 children, 4 and 2, and am dreading what we will do in a few years' time. Personally I would just say no way, but I understand peer pressure and all that will always be there.
I hope parents learn to support each other and say no. An end of school celebration should just be that, a party with your school friends, focus on the friendship and leave all the stupid consumerist trimmings behind.

I don't mind a prom if it is no more than an end of term disco. Dates for 11 year olds is a bit yuk. I had "a boyfriend" at that age but I'd have still hated it if it were obligatory to partner up.

We had a prom at 16 and the boys all wore DJs, the girls all wore prom dresses. Everyone looked amazing, hardly recognised them! Some had dates but most came with a group of friends. No limos that I recall, but hiring a limo is much more "normal" these days - not necessarily that expensive.

yanbu.
i think its bloody shocking there should be rules preventing the sillyness it turns into with limos ect.

We had a leaving dance at Primary School and I loved it. No limos or dates though and just normal party clothes.