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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that primary school proms are total wank?

147 replies

ChickensHaveNoLips · 28/05/2012 20:56

DS1 leaves primary school in July. Today he brought home a letter informing us that to celebrate year 6 leaving, they are having a prom. DS is horrified, as apparently a lot of the girls are insisting on dates. DS would rather lick his own foot than be seen publicly with a girl, what with him being 11 and all. Tonight the fb discussions have started between parents arranging limos. Limos for 11 year olds. Surely this is beyond batshit crackers? Is this insanity normal now? What's wrong with a disco and a handful of haribo ?

OP posts:

madhairday · 29/05/2012 10:41

Ours are having a leavers disco but apparently some of the parents want it to be a prom and did the whole limo/prom dress thing last year. DD told me she couldn't go unless a boy asked her, told her that was tosh and to go and enjoy herself and eat too much haribo and play tag round the hall Hoping there are some more sensible parents this year.

Mrsjay · 29/05/2012 10:45

I doubt it madhairday i have seen friends with younger children on my facebook fretting about hair , primary must be having theirs soon

FriskyMare · 29/05/2012 11:30

My DC primary had a fancy dress "through the decades", party at school, twas fab, DD went in a lovely twirly 50's outfit and DS went as a punk. The children had a whale of a time at very little expense for the parents.
DD is now 14 and I'm dreading the cost of the end of school prom in 2 years.

PiousPrat · 29/05/2012 11:41

I am almost ashamed to admit this, but DS2 is having a Y6 Prom and I am on the planning committee

In my defence, I pushed hard for a regular disco, it was vetoed because there was a prom last year and some of the parents didn't want little Tarquin to feel like he was missing out. I planned a subversive movement by reminiscing about doing knee slides in jeans at my school discos when DS2 had a load of school friends round. No go. The prom is being held in a golf club with a very strict dress code. I can't even get away with school trousers and a shirt as uniform trousers are grey and ties are compulsory at the golf club. I do however have a child's black tie that is covered in silver skulls

It is all a load of bollocks. The kids themselves don't care about it being poncy and posh. Some of the girls are excited about wearing a party dress, but they could do that in the school hall for a fraction of the cost, and boys outnumber girls in this year at a rate of 2 to 1

PandaWatch · 29/05/2012 11:50

Where are people getting the money from to fund these things?!

HandMadeTail · 29/05/2012 11:52

My DDs were/are at a girls' school, so a prom wouldn't really work.

There is usually a leavers' party run by the parents, which is a children's party with games, a party tea, and if the weather is good, rounders.

We have hired a local cricket club pavillion, so there is plenty of space to run round in. The girls will be wearing fancy dress, as they are allowed to do so on the last day of school, and the party is straight afterwards.

Cost is £15 each this year, FWIW.

Not sure what happens yeat at DS's (boys' school).

Lemonylemon · 29/05/2012 12:03

Oh God. I'm so not going to get into all this when DD leaves primary school. We boycotted DS's "prom" and went out for dinner at La Tasca (his choice) and had a great time.

However, I will be attending DD's "graduation" ceremony from nursery. They've been practising an alternative version to "Raise Me Up".... something along the lines of "You raised me up to learn my ABC; You raised me up to learn my numbers......"

PiousPrat · 29/05/2012 12:42

I dunno about other people, Panda, but in DS2's school there is a pretty even split of double income, one child families and single income, 2+ children families so some can afford it easily and for others it is a struggle they feel forced into.

Try and guess which half of the parents are the ones pushing for frocks, a band, proffessional photographer and limos and which half is having to argue everything down? There is one family who wouldn't be able to afford even a disco at the school, so to make sure their child isn't left out, everyone's ticket price has been hiked by a pound or so to cover this child and make sure they can still attend with the rest of their cohort. Which is nice for that kid, that they can go along to the leaving party and not be held back because their family is a bit skint atm, but it then ups the price for the other half of the class for whom £30 plus suit hire is already a massive expense. There seems to be no good, fair way of doing a prom that doesn't make it hard for someone.

bringbacksideburns · 29/05/2012 12:45

At least DS's lot aren't taking dates - they are just going to all meet up to get in the limos to take them the five minutes to their destination!

Booette · 29/05/2012 13:04

YANBU. What a waste of money! Schools have big halls for a reason (apart from the boring assemblies! Perfect for discos where the boys all stand looking bored and the kids eat their weight in sweets.

I'm glad my kids school doesn't do this, I hope it's not something they start doing. Though DS3 & 4 would probably love to wear a tux with a bow tie.

Roseformeplease · 29/05/2012 13:48

I really hate the idea of this. I feel the whole limo, hair, dress part of it makes it expensive and, yes, I worry very much about the sexualisation of little girls. Make up? Beauty treatments? I also think the limo thing suggests the wrong kind of aspiration - it comes from a world where showing off your money matters - for why else hire a limo? Surely schools should be celebrating hard work, childhood innocence and not teaching about showing off who has to who has not.

But then I am a grumpy old bitch. My daughter's school are going to the beach so this kind of thing hasn't got this far North but is alive and kicking in Glasgow and Edinburgh as there was a tv programme about it.

Greenshadow · 29/05/2012 14:03

BBQ and water fight here. They all loved it.

PandaWatch · 29/05/2012 14:15

Pious that must make you fume! And even for people who can afford it, why would you want to encourage such materialism in your children?!

It reminds me of that deadful Super Sweet 16 programme. Such a terrible message to be sending out :(

AphraBehn · 29/05/2012 14:32

Year 6 leavers disco in the school hall for my DS. £7, inlcuding drinks snacks and a DVD of photos taken on the night by a photographer (action shots I would imagine!).

Older DS is going to his Y11 prom and has hired a suit (which I moaned about - £60!) but isn't fussed about a limo and will probably go on the train or bus!.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/05/2012 15:03

YANBU.

School are unwise even to be seriously considering doing such a thing.

All the mad build up for my son's Y6 at that time just led to a lot of over pressurised and upset children on the last day of term. Mass hysteria was the order of the day.

thegreylady · 29/05/2012 15:15

Village primary here all yr 6 pupils attended school wearing denim and gingham any combination. All piled into trailer pulled by tractor and driven down lane to barn which was all decked out with bunting and hay bales. Food hot dogs,salads and ice cream and apple pie. Very raucous singing and dancing then all home by 7 having been collected by parents at 6.30. Fun and very appropriate.

DaisySteiner · 29/05/2012 15:17

Is it too late for your ds to change schools?

Leaver's disco for Y6s here, organised by parents

Mind you, I couldn't quite believe it when I picked ds up from his last year and he told me that the mum of one of his friends had been plying him with lager What upset me was that when challenged she said she didn't I'd mind!

manicinsomniac · 29/05/2012 16:20

They're not uncommon for middle school and prep school leavers but then that is end of Y8 not Y6 and there is a big difference between 13 and 11.

I think 11 is too young really but I'm not horrified by it or anything. If the children wanted it I'd be fine with it.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2012 16:22

Limos? Frocks? Year 6?

DreamingofSummer · 29/05/2012 16:58

Total shite

sweetiesue · 29/05/2012 17:05

My dd is leaving primary this year and the teachers are organising an event for them. Something along the lines of BBQ and a pupil vs teachers challenge evening. Sounds great fun, no pressure to dress up and probably a huge water fight to end the evening - perfect

worldgonecrazy · 29/05/2012 17:05

I am very, very happy that DD's school do not do proms at all. Everytime I think hear of expensive dresses, escalation of limo wars and fights over bookings at beauty parlours I feel grateful.

Proms are just boak. We were more than happy with an end of year disco.

Can anyone tell me who decides there is going to be a prom? Is it a decision made unilaterally by the Head Teacher? Teachers? Governors? A group of parents? The children?

nickiminja · 29/05/2012 17:11

Jeez it makes me properly angry, pressure to spend money, pressure to conform, kids being teased because they aren't allowed/can't afford to join in the madness.
Gahhh

ChaoticismyLife · 29/05/2012 17:22

My DD went to her school leavers prom two years ago. Her dress was off Ebay, bag/shoes were from Miss Selfridge/New Look. Her dad took her to the school were coaches had been arranged for those who didn't make other arrangements. She had a great time and came in the house, holding her shoes in one hand, saying "My feet are killing me."

However, she was 16, not 11. Year 6 proms are over the top in my pov. YANBU

VivaLeBeaver · 29/05/2012 17:25

DD will have a leavers' disco next month though some parents insist on calling it a prom. School are clear it is a leavers' party/disco. I have hear mention of limos!

We will be walking to the disco as its a minute walk. She has a dress from Sainsburys, a nice "party frock" as my Gran would say. I will put her hair up and I may let her wear a bit of lip gloss.

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