By caring for and playing with my daughter when she is awake and doing jobs when she is asleep?

[Louiseyc]

I'm fuming because my husband has just gone up the wall at me because there are a few piles of clothes not put away, and he thinks I'm being lazy, when in fact when my 1 year old is having her sleeps I'm running round making lovely meals ready for him when he gets home and various jobs. Once she's awake it's pretty hard to get much done because she's everywhere and needing attention. I'm dreading maternity leave next time round as I know his expectations and I may not be able to return to work due to finances and I dread not having that little bit of independence. Things seem to become so unequal when you're a mum working part time or a stay at home mum. Anyone have any tips on how to make my husband realise it's really hard work raising a child, and him not appreciating anything i do, and not listening to me all the time is grinding me down?

usualsuspect 'Where do MNetters find these men?'

I too never cease to be amazed at some of the bullshit women on MN will put up with.

I don't think my DH is a particularly special or rare breed, he has his moments. But he just doesn't think of me as some sort of servant.

We have kids and jobs and housework and all the stuff that needs doing, over the years who is doing what has ebbed and flowed but we just sort it out between us. No one has a go at any one, no one makes snarky comments.

If DH sees a basket of washing on the stairs for instance, he takes it up and puts it away. When I see the laundry basket is getting a bit full, I chuck a load on.

It isn't rocket science and it shouldn't default to the woman doing it all.

Entropy girl - your DH should be keeping on top of things better than that during the day.
Looking after one baby is easy in terms of finding time to at least get basic jobs done, although I'm not talking show home standards!

Can't your DD help with jobs whilst awake? DS loves laundry - loading washing machine, emptying washing machine, sorting into piles... Less good at folding!

But that's a side issue really because your DH is being a prize twat and you need to moderate his expectations a bit.

maybe he shouldve put them away for you , you are his wife and the mum to a toddler not a housekeeper , he sounds a bit of a twit op stand up to him enjoy your daughter the housework will still be there when shes grown up

I'm a SAHM and am pretty lax about housework - but always have been. Back in the day BC (before children) we both worked full time and split stuff 50/50. I use the 2-3 hour nap time to get dishes done etc, but the house is still a mess. If DH has a particular bee in his bonnet about something (in his case, dinner at 8) I make sure I get that done to avoid arguing. He doesn't like the idea of me sitting around on MN reading the news, but knows I enjoy some sort of intellectual life outside childcare. It's about compromise - I don't believe I'm being anti-feminist (whatever the opposite of feminist is) by doing so.

We all get ratty and over tired. Perhaps OP's partner was just having an off day. If I was OP, I would find a quiet time to bring the issue up. She needs to know what his expectations are, discuss if they are reasonable, what she can do to reasonably meet some of his most important complaints and negotiate on other points.

YANBU.

My DH made a few comments like those of the OP's DH early on in my maternity leave.

He stopped after I went out for a day by myself and let DH have a daddy day with DS. I came home to DH wailing 'I've not been able to do anything! DS keeps wanting attention! Is he like that all the time?'
DH became a lot more understanding after that..

yummybunny WTF?! Offensive much??
My husband is pakistani, as are my kids (half)
He was brought up to pull his weight and pull his weight he does.
Next time you have a racist comment to make, go and say it to a forum full of racists.
And well done cos you've really fucking wound me up.
A few months ago my husband got a mouthful of "you asian men are sexist pigs" abuse, and we both found it very upsetting.
Think before you speak

All the men I know that are lazy fuckers and don't help their partners out with young children are definitely not Asian, just fucking lazy and out of order really - awful thing to say yummybunny.

Yes in that culture there are people like that but there are many people in other cultures that are also like that.

My DS stopped sleeping at 17 months in the day time so I had to do stuff when he was awake as I had no choice, DH was very undertanding and never complaining about things not being done as he regularly had the boys on his own so knew what it was like.

1 yr is a good time to start encouraging your DC to play on their own a bit so you can get stuff done - BUT only because you need to get things done NOT because DH has told you to.

What I think many partners forget is that its not just the housework, its the running of the house and organising everything like that on top of looking after children.

I was better at juggling everything by the time DS2 came along but it is hard at first.