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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish women could just flash their boobs in public and it wouldn't be a biggie..

43 replies

tholeon · 27/05/2012 20:12

like men can on a hot day. Ok, so I am not going to mount a one woman protest in Starbucks, but here's me, today, mortified when trying to breastfeed five month old in a cafe today because she was insisting, in her baby innocence, on not being 'discreet', while in the meantime men are merrily strolling about with their pecs out because it is a hot day. Is this fair?? Am not an exhibitionist, I just want to feed my baby...

OP posts:

theincredibequeenofwands · 27/05/2012 20:13

I agree.

Nipples are nipples.

There's a time and a place to display them.

Tesco ain't one of them.......!

MILdesperandum · 27/05/2012 20:15

Did anyone have a problem with you feeding though?

Original poster

tholeon · 27/05/2012 20:17

No I don't think so but I just felt so self conscious. I don't mind when she feeds well but it is when she pulls off/ cries/ looks around. Then I get cross that I feel self conscious...

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 27/05/2012 20:19

I can't see your problem if no one commented

Methe · 27/05/2012 20:21

Just feed your baby then and stop over thinking it. A lot of this breastfeeding paranoia lives in womans heads imo.

MILdesperandum · 27/05/2012 20:22

That's when I stopped enjoying breastfeeding - when it was less of a cuddle and more of a struggle. It is annoying and I am self conscious too... not always easy to find a quiet place

AltruisticEnigma · 27/05/2012 20:24

It's the way we were born. If we were meant to all be covered up, we'd've been born with a vest top and jeans on, but we weren't.

But we've been taught it's a taboo, so unlikely to change anytime soon.

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:28

feed your baby I think you just feel uncomfy with it but really you probably see most boobage in women in vest tops than feeding your baby its just a nipple ive seen plenty of men wandering around with theirs out , dont worry its just a boob

UnderwaterBasketWeaving · 27/05/2012 20:32

Flashing boobs will only worsen the problem.

Let's just stop wearing tops in hot weather. Everyone. But all act normal. It'll catch on by Wednesday.

QuintessentialShadows · 27/05/2012 20:34

You need a thin, light chiffon "breast feeding scarf".

Original poster

tholeon · 27/05/2012 20:40

Tried a muslin but she doesn't like going under it now. Just kind of makes me cross. Pressure to breastfeed but feel 'rude' if not discreet enough. Women's nipples being seen in a more sexual way than men's to extent of having to worry, buy covers etc, though they are the ones used for feeding baby...

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:54

some of the women ive seen out and about these last few days they would just be as well to get them out for all to see

lola88 · 27/05/2012 21:11

my friend had to BF in the park today she forgot her bottle and hates BF in public tried to give her DS some of my DS formula but he was having none of it, I had to talk her into it and had to make a shield from the buggys sit infront of her put a muslin over baby and she was still sure people were staring.

I thought it was very sad she was so worried about what other people think she didn't want to do it :( worse because no one bothered it's those few people who have a problem make it hard for BF mothers

SugarPasteGiraffe · 27/05/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lola88 · 27/05/2012 21:17

btw no one even noticed never mind stared

BlackOutTheSun · 27/05/2012 21:21

I was just going to say unless you are bf, then cover up

UnderwaterBasketWeaving · 27/05/2012 21:22

lola that's a good point.

I love a good argument, and no-one once took offence to me BFing in public (often quite haphazardly too!). It was almost disappointing.

KateShmate · 27/05/2012 21:28

Personally I think that the more things you try to cover up with/hide your body, the more obvious you look!
If you just sat there quietly, no one would even realize you were BF - when I BF'ed my girls, I just always wore a breastfeeding vest that meant you only had to pop your boob out - nothing else had to be seen.

I understand your friend feeling nervous lola - but don't you think that if you saw a woman on a park bench with 20 buggies around her and jumpers draped everywhere, you would notice it more and people would stare simply because they wonder what you're doing!
I'm not saying its not hard, because it is, but it can also be really easy too :)

discrete · 27/05/2012 21:32

You should come over to France - you regularly get women going topless in public swimming pools and beaches.

But everyone thinks you are weird if you bf at all

lifechanger · 27/05/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 27/05/2012 21:40

I saw a woman breastfeeding in Southwark Cathedral grounds yesterday. Her baby was very tiny, her boobs were gigantic and her husband was helping her by holding one of her boobs as they tried to get the baby latched on. Was a touching sight and I thought how lovely it is that breastfeeding in public is so normalised nowadays.

Original poster

tholeon · 28/05/2012 06:09

Mine won't take a bottle...Though I have been trying to teach her partly because it would make the public stuff easier. Though I do remember a friend who ff saying she felt judged when she got bottles out in public so I guess it can be a rock and a hard place...

OP posts:

MsPaperbackWriter · 28/05/2012 06:16

Maybe you are thinking it is a bigger deal than it really is? Most people don't really think anything of it. After all, it is a beautiful thing and whenever I see someone bf it makes me all warm inside! I love seeing babies being bf and it reminds me of mine when they were little. My youngest is a toddler and still bf's but only morning and evening not out and about anymore.

NicNocJnr · 28/05/2012 06:50

Usually I never think anything of it, I may notice may not same as DH but if I do notice it just makes me smile and think of my DCs.
Was out with my BFF and her DD is my goddaughter (overexcited boast) 5mo and ebf. I'm very proud of her as she hated bf in public and was extremely self-conscious but we went out more and more and just did it; and nothing happened she worked hard to overcome her own feelings about it when she could have just made her own life harder by working around it.
I was so pleased and happy sat there, in the sun, having a coffee and a chat with the contented snuffles of a happy baby surrounding our conversation. She was not fazed and just whips a nip out now and can enjoy it instead of worrying about offending other people, getting stared at, maybe getting into an argument etc. It was lovely. When it works, it's brill.
I never had her modesty and fed whenever the need arose - but I can see why it makes some feel awkward.

I did recently embarrass myself though, luckily not the mum, by catching myself getting all misty eyed watching a mum feeding her brand new baby. I've been very broody and baby was so little I was lost down memory lane. I got an odd look until I apologised and explained. I didn't even realise I was still facing her tbh. She was very understanding but I got a bit choked up -I'll never get to do it again Dear oh dear, tuck your ovaries back in love!

molly3478 · 28/05/2012 06:59

I think its in your head. I breasfeed and couldnt care less about being discreet. Im feeding my child dont like it, dont look.

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